I don't think anybody reads this thing anymore...

Well, what an eventful past 2 days, or however long it's been since I posted last. Tomorrow we (the Baikie family) will be extending our warmest welcome to Miguel, our new 14 year old Spanish tennis playing friend who will be living with us for the month of July. Hold on to your tennis racket, Miguel, it's going to be an interesting trip. I hope he doesn't hate us. We are all very eager to see how this one turns out, including my 13 year old female cousin Nicole... Yikes! Hold on everyone else! More stories to come, I'm sure.

Well, today my mom, my cousin Nikki, my grandmother (along with her Alzheimer's) and I drove up to a whopping altitude of 14,264 feet on the highest paved road in North America to Mt. Evans for the day. What a fun trip! I haven't been up to Mt. Evans in forever it seemed like and it was probably one of the most gorgeous days we could have gone. It never ceases to amaze me how spectacular the views are. I put in a picture, but understand that a photo will never do justice to what your eyes can actually see when you're up there. And not only were the views amazing, but I got to see mountain goats first hand. 3 of them, and one of them was just a kid (baby goat, not an actual kid...that wouldn't be very exciting) Anyway, Yeah, I got seriously about 10 feet from them and they weren't scared! Of course they were probably wary of me, but they didn't run away or anything, it was really neat, and we saw about a million Marmots, I included a picture in case you've never seen one, but all in all it was a good trip. I'm really glad we got to go up today

So there's the Marmot to the right and below is just one of a million pictures of Mt. Evans. I didn't take either picture, but hey, it's better than nothing, right? Oh, and I don't really know who that person is in the picture, but it's a good picture of the view (obviously not as good as seeing it person, but hey, it's a try)


Well, I think that's about it for now. I hope everyone's summers are just going swimmingly!

"Are you listening to this, you fat old Druid? Or are you just staring at my gorgeous face?

That's from J.D. Salinger's Franny and Zooey, I'm really getting into Salinger's works lately, I really like the way he writes his characters, they're so unique and you spend the book getting to know exactly what they are like, even though the entire book maybe spans the time of a few hours. Anyway, I'm back from the south and my trip back. Ah, Emergency exit row with your super extra legroom. It's like the poor man's version of first class. Anyway, I've decided that I am still a Denver girl all the way. My friends tried to convince me that humidity is better because it's like stepping outside into a nice warm damp blanket. I say Gross because perhaps that blanket is warm and damp because someone peed on it. huh? did you think about that? Probably not. My point is that no matter how much time I may spend down there, I will never ever ever appreciate, let alone get used to humidity. Thanks, but no thanks, I prefer my nice semi-arid climate where I get to work for my oxygen, Everyone knows that you have to work a little harder to get the nicest things.

The trip went great, I'm really glad I got to go back for the Missions service, it was fun seeing everyone again, and I'm really glad I got to stay with Bailey, I'm really thankful for her, she's starting to become a really good friend and encouragement to me. It was a nice trip.

I still haven't heard anything yet from the coffee shop, but I should hear by this weekend, keep praying for me, I really need a job! Oh, and I found out that I apparently am a good housesitter! They were happy with everything and they even asked me to housesit again 2 weekends in July, I think I just have a special connection with gay Jewish ladies. God does indeed give many gifts! =)

I also found out, that my family is apparently going to be hosting either 1 Spanish kid for 4 weeks, or 2 Spanish kids for 2 weeks in July. Why? No, I'm asking you. I think it sounds like alot of fun, I guess that whoever we get is here for Tennis or something crazy like that, I don't know how old they are or what gender or if they speak English or basically anything about our potential Hostees, but I hope that whoever it ends up being understands that not all Americans are like our family. Oy, Welcome to America, hope you like your crazy host family and brought your earplugs! What a trip this will be, all around. I'll update more on that later, I'm sure there will be plenty of stories....Oh, the possibilities.

Well, I think that's about it, my summer has been pretty stagnant so far, minus a few things, but I've enjoyed it. Plus I'm not ready for school yet so I'll hold on to whatever I can. Well that's it for tonight, folks! Hasta luego.

I really hate this cat...

Well, house sitting is still going well, the pets are all still alive, although I think I accidentally killed two of the plants. Whoops, I suppose I don't have a green thumb, or plant skills for that matter. The directions she left just said water the plants on the porch everday, or if necessary. Well, in my defense, those are pretty vague directions. I have faithfully performed my duty of watering it everday, but maybe I didn't water them enough, or maybe I watered them too much. Or maybe there was a crazy midweek frost that came in one night and just happened to kill only those two potted plants out front and there was nothing I could do to save them....yeah, that's it. Or maybe I'll just tell her to take some money out of my paycheck as a means to reimburse her for my nonexistent horticulture skills. Oh well, I guess that's the way it goes. Other than that, it's been good. I had a "dinner party" in my make believe grown up house. Which is what I'm referring to this place as now- my make believe house- and it was fun. I made an asian chicken noodle dish that didn't make anyone sick, I take that as a good sign, and it was Me, Ashley West and Derrek, my best friend Ruth, and my friend Alex, freshly on leave from the U.S. Army. Tomorrow we're going to Elitch's (Six Flags to those not from around here) and then who knows what. Friday I'll be in the deep South once more for the weekend. And then, by next week Friday I will hear how my interview went with Taza de Cafe, the coffee shop that I applied to and had an interview for tonight. Hopefully it will work out, I don't want to get my hopes up too much, but they've opened a position partly because one of the regular workers won't be back until August, which is when I'm leaving, so maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to take that spot. Sigh, who knows. I think that's about it for now... I can't really think of anything else profound, or witty, or worthwhile to say, so I think I'll just call it a night.

With Love, as always,
G (illian)

sometimes...oh, sometimes...

Oh the joys of house sitting... So far, I've managed to keep the place running, the 3 pets are still alive and well, I've decided once and for all that I really don't like cats, which is unfortunate for my relationship with the 2 cats I am watching. They're not terrible, but I don't like animals that have more attitude than I do. Cats just really know how to lower a human's self esteem. I think the thing that I am most afraid of though, is that the one cat (named Cat) is 20 years old, the same age as me, however, this roughly translates to being a 96 year old person, somehow I just know this cat is going to die on me. Which is really just the cat's last way of trying to prove itself superior one last time and making me feel bad, which is what cat's live for (or in this case, die for) Anyway, hopefully nothing will happen. I'm here until Friday, then I'm off to South Carolina for the weekend. I'm enjoying getting to experience what it will be like to live on my own. That's about all I've been up to lately, I did see Star Wars Episode III last night with my dad and brother. I liked this one out of the new trilogy the best, but a few things disappointed me 1) Why must we computer graphicize (I know that's not a word) everything including things like Dooku's quadruple flip in the air. Surely they could have done this for real. I hate going to movies and feeling like I'm watching someone play a video game. Maybe I'm just a purist, but I like the old way better. 2) I thought the transformation of Anakin to Darth Vader was good, but the acting...so so. Those were my biggest beefs, but I did enjoy the movie. I still prefer episodes 4-6, but don't we all? Well, we should. Anyway, hats off George Lucas, you did it.

Well I think that's about it now. Oh, wait, there is something important- I found out this week that one of my old classmates, Joel Seidler, along with his family were in a bad car accident this week, and Joel and his mother were killed. I didn't get a chance to know him as well as some of my other classmates, he was only there for about a year, and he was kind of quiet, but he was really really nice. The whole family is going through a pretty rough time, they just lost their dad about 9 months ago to stomach cancer too, and now this. Just pray for the whole family, the sister's are still in the hospital, one's in critical condition and for the other injuries, and just for the family's emotional strength and the financial situation as well. They've got more than I can even imagine going on right now. So, yeah, just pray for them. If you want to read the whole story, you can find it here: http://9news.com/acm_news.aspx?OSGNAME=KUSA&IKOBJECTID=826c66ae-0abe-421a-0077-e6272270a29b&TEMPLATEID=0c76dce6-ac1f-02d8-0047-c589c01ca7bf

Offer not valid in Idaho

"Most of the kids at my school think that being a lil wrangler is cool, but some of the other guys that don't have a life think it's gay, but it's not gay because we're dressing like real cowboys and dancing with girls while they're sitting in the audience talking on cell phones to someone selling drugs or something."
-Seth, Age 14 on why being part of the Lil wrangler dance team is cool

My quote of the day comes from a reality show on Bravo following the lives of parents who push their kids to be great athletes, or dancers in this case. The line just seems straight out of a Christopher Guest movie.

Anyway, It's update time on how God's faithfulness has once again outshadowed, no, eclipsed my sorry excuse for trust. I got an e-mail today from the admissions office, where some of you may know there was a little misunderstanding about my job lined up for the fall. I can't remember right now if I posted about it, but in a nutshell: I was supposed to have a job in admissions again after I couldn't work last semester, but there was a miscommunication and my boss basically told me that I was forgotten about and they already hired too many people so basically I did not have a job. Well anyway, good news came yesterday in the form of an e-mail from Jared (my boss) saying that all was well and he cleared a spot for me! So YAY!!!! God is way to good to me once again and I can rest easy. That's one disaster averted. Sodexho (whom I also like to call Satan's Ho) is still raising my blood pressure and draining my patience. It's not looking good, but I'm still working on the whole trust thing.

Anyway, that's about it for now, I'm gonna be in Anderson the 24-27 so if anyone is reading this that wants to hang out, give me a call! Peace out

Tony Danza is my hero

Ok Folks, here's where I am with my life: I have no money, because I have no job (as far as St. Anthony's Central Hospital is making it look anyway, if I do have a job, they're really doing a tip-top job of keeping this vital fact from me) I have credit card bills that are supposed to be getting paid off right now, but when you don't make an income, well...you get the picture, I have a trip to Peru that still needs to be paid off, but I won't be redundant with my complaints, I spend my days bored out of my skull, but it looks like soon I'll be able to replace some of that boredom with anxiety about how I'm going to pay off these debts by August which should have been almost completely paid off by now. Oh, yes, and I can also begin to figure out where in the wide world of Anderson will hire me so that maybe, just maybe, I can scrape together some money to finish paying off whatever debts I know I won't be able to during the summer. If I were more into the genre, I would probably write a country song. I'm getting frustrated because I feel like I'm not even getting a chance to follow through with my intentions to be able to be responsible for my finances. I'm really trying hard to be patient and be worry-free, but goodness, it's tough when money is involved. I know that God is trying to prune me, and apparently, this is a dang big branch, so if I sound like a horrible selfish, untrusting person...I am. But God's working, so I guess the only thing is to pray that God gives me the strength where I clearly do not have my own.

Would you kiss a llama?

Another boring day today. I'm honestly ready for something to be happening in my life. Well, as much as I may make it sound, today wasn't a total bust. I finished picking out the paint colors for my uncle's living room. He liked all of my first choices so that's always a good sign. He's going to have a Southwestern/Hopi Indian/Desert type place. The walls are going to be a yellow-ish sandy color and I decided that a very light 6inch turquoise stripe running horizontally on the walls will make a very nice accent as well as visually tie in all the Hopi artwork he has. My uncle has a very nice collection, so that's really going to be the main focus. Blah Blah Blah design stuff. I'm sure you are all foaming at the mouth to hear more, but I'll spare you. Anyway, I also bought a new address book at Barnes and Noble, it says "Little Black Book" on the front and it made me laugh, which is why I bought it. Also at Barnes and Noble, I was thrilled to find another person that shares my same quirky habit. As I was turning the corner between the World War II shelf and the current affairs section, I spotted him, standing by the classic paperback fiction table, smelling Ernest Hemingway's For Whom the Bell Tolls. That's right folks, I am now confident in saying that I am not weird for enjoying the smell of books. Not just taking a small sniff of the air, but opening the book to a random page, putting your nose in the book and taking a big whiff. It's the smell of potential. The potential of learning. Does is not excite you to walk into a library, or stand in front of a bookcase and think "Man, what will I possibly learn today?" There's such opportunity there. You can learn, well, anything! You can discover the world of wildflowers, the biography of Douglas MacArthur, Spanish expletives (Mierda, by the way is Spanish for Sh**) You can learn about different people, different places, or just pick up a classic and relish in good literature. And that, my friend, is why I like to smell books. It's not the actual smell of paper, it's the smell of possibility. *Ahem* Nerd Alert! But anyway, to end the story, when the guy saw me, I think he got embarrassed because he left quickly before I could tell him that we should be friends, but I'm sure we would have had he not bolted. After that, I went back home, but on the way stopped at a gas station to pick up a new bottle of wiper fluid and rejoiced a little at my small feat of being able to replace the wiper fluid myself with absolutely no help and no mishaps along the way, proving that I am not completely helpless should the Lord will for me to be on my own permanently. It's a good feeling. Really. Well that concludes my day. Tune in tomorrow for the next part in the series. Same Blog Time, Same Blog Channel.

What I did on my summer vacation...

CROCS
Originally uploaded by Denverdesigner07.

The title of my blog is Finding Fulfillment, well, I may not have necessarily found fulfillment today, but in the constant effort to battle the summertime out-of-a-job nothing to do blues, I feel that today, I have reigned victorious in defeating those oh so present blues. So here's what I did today, *ahem* After sleeping in, I watched an old Humphrey Bogart movie called The Caine Mutiny, a very good movie indeed, then I did nothing, then I took a shower, then I went to the Flatiron Crossing Mall where I spent my NY and Company birthday gift card (many thanks to Bailey and Rachel) and witnessed the latest trend. If you will, direct your attention to the photo and behold "Crocs" the latest footwear fashion. These have been literally EVERYWHERE lately, and I just figured out what they're called today. I am in awe, really. Are these the new birkenstocks? Because let me tell you, I still haven't caught on with the Birkenstock trend, and now all of a sudden these so called "crocs" come on the scene? I can't keep up. I don't understand them, and I feel old and out of the loop. Someone please explain
Anyway, then I ended up at Barnes and Noble where I engaged in one of my favorite pastimes- People Watching! I've decided that if ever I am to be in a relationship, the guy is going to have to enjoy silly little things like people watching and making up stories about their lives and all those other dumb things that I take great joy in. Anyway, it was nice, I read (and bought) J.D. Salinger's "Nine Stories" It's very good, not normally what I think I'd like. Alot darker than what I normally like, but I love the way he writes. I get so engrossed in the story and I can picture it so vividly. It's simple stories about the everyday, but poignant. Definitely on Gillian's Recommended Summer Reading list. Anyway, then I headed to Wal-Mart where I got hit on by a guy selling magazines, wanting to know if I liked country music and if I drank and why I was single...blah blah blah...cheesy pick up lines...but what do you know, I got 2 years of Architectural Digest for the low low price of 20 dollars (which includes the "I want to go out with you" discount) Thank you Weird Magazine guy, and better luck next time with the whole date scene. Gross.
Well, that's been my day so far, Who knows what crazy new adventures will take place tonight as I sit here, and then maybe end up going to a coffee shop later. Oh the possibilities...

P.s. I just wanted to note that I do in fact realize that I type alot more when I actually don't have anything to say as opposed to when I do. I think it's me trying to overcompensate and add some spice to my bland life. Eh, what can you do?

Where the parties don't stop til 8 in the mornin'

Oh, Summer Days, what a love/hate relationship. I think I've watched more TV this past week than I did all year long at school. My mind is rapidly degenerating into a giant mush ball of laziness. Pros: I'm not stressed out of my mind like usual; Cons: I'm losing my mind with boredom. I think I'll find that happy medium once I get back to work. Which by the way, if you're ever contemplating working for Sodexho Nutrition Services at St. Anthony's Central Hospital, you probably should ask yourself this question: Do I like getting screwed over? If the answer is 'no' I suggest you continue on your job hunt. Let me explain, I've been a happy employee of St. Anthony's Central Hospital Nutrition Services department since 2000, it was a great department to work for, great job, great pay, and I really loved the people at the hospital. The patients were happy with our service and I was happy to be a part of the team that provided it. It was a dream, honest. But then last summer, American greed set in and the evil corporate food service conglam-o Sodexho (i.e. satan) had to come in and run out our food service dream and take over with their big code books and crappy uniforms and profit driven ways. They stopped caring about the patient and started caring about profits. A sad tale indeed, but unfortunately true. Well anyway, I've never liked sodexho, but I still work at the hospital, but here's how they screwed me over this time. My brother and I both work at the hospital so we have the same boss and everything, well we both got back to Colorado the same time so we were going to start work about the same time, My brother got on the Schedule June 1st, I however wasn't on the schedule so I called the office to see what the deal was, and then they tell me that I never told them I was coming back (nevermind the messages I left clearly stating that I was coming back and my visit there to tell them in person I'm coming back) so they say, "oh, well, we probably can't get you on the schedule until the 18th." In the timeless words of Charlie Brown "AAARRRGGH" Oh well, I don't have any bills to pay or gas to pay for or any of those normal things that require money. Sheesh. Anyway, it's not too terrible though, I'm helping my Uncle design his living room that he's paying me for and I also got a job house sitting for someone, so that'll be good. Well that's my frustration of the week. In other news, I have high hopes for doing fun things this summer, there are a few concerts I want to catch (including Sufjan Stevens, Madeline Peyroux, and a few others), some trails I definitely want to go Hiking on, some Street fairs that are always fun, and I really want to go Kayaking this summer, so if anyone wants to come visit me and go kayaking, drop a line, because I really want to go. Well, I suppose that's about it for now, I can't say that I have any exciting stories to share now, but give it time, I'm sure they'll come...

Juan Muchacho es muy muscoloso

Well. I'm back, after almost a full month on the road I made it back to Denver. Everything was good. Chicago was great, Minnesota was awesome, and Peru was too good for words. I love Peru. I love everything about Peru, and I felt sooooo happy being there. I find myself daydreaming about when I'm going to get to go back. I'm really really really considering doing an internship down there at the English language institute. I would do it as soon as possible if I could, but I think for now, God is telling me to wait. I think I'm supposed to finish school first. However, I've been weighed down with a lot of thoughts lately about what I want for my future. It's weird, I've got sooo many thoughts running through my head, too many to sort out now, but pray for me, to have patience and to have wisdom and trust to listen to God's perfect plan. Well, I said I would post more about Peru when I got back, but I don't have pictures yet soo...now it's your turn to wait for it with patience. :)

Un poste rapido de Peru

Ahora estoy en Perú! Things here are going very well. Some turbulence back in the states for me but I'm not going to think about it now. I'll probably post a long thing later complete with pictures and all that good stuff, but for now, I just wanted to say that I'm here and I'm safe and I'm loving it. The memories are flooding back from when I went here with Ruth the first time, and I've gotta be honest, the first thing that came back to me was the smell of Lima. I totally forgot what it smelled like, but as soon as I stepped out of the airport and was met by the huge crowd of taxi drivers, it was like an instant memory brought to life. I love being able to feel comfortable in a foreign country, and alot of my Spanish has come back to me! No one in the group speaks Spanish and I'm surprising myself alot when I'm able to translate for others, it makes me want to go sign up for a Spanish class right now so I can be completely fluent. Well, like I said more to come later, probably when I get back. I cannot wait to get back home and just relish in Colorado once more. I miss it soooooo much and though It's wonderful down here, I really need to get home. I'll post pictures when I get them, so, until then Bendiciones de Dios a Usted!

Alma! Check your battery...

Why do I always end my titles with ellipses? Ellipses are the most intruiging of all grammatical punctuation I think. It's like I'm trying to entice you to keep reading, because maybe, just maybe, there will be some earth shattering material or some amazingly eloquent prose that might just change your life, (even though most of the time, my entries aren't really worth seeing to the end). Oh well, did you fall into my trap today? Probably. I would have too.

Well anyway, I'm still here in Chicago and it's good to be in a real city again. I love city life, I love the sights, the sounds, the smells (the good ones anyway) and one of the things that I love about being in big cities is that there is always something new to discover or explore. I suppose the same is true for smaller cities as well, but I like to have alot of options. When I take walks around a city, I always like to look for signs of nature and life and how it has adapted to the city. If I were a photographer, I would do a series of nature in industrialism. For instance, the lilac bush that's growing out of the crack in the sidewalk or the bird that is scavenging on the highway median or the vines that are wrapping themselves around fire hydrants and street signs. It wouldn't be a political or social statement in favor of nature over machinery or anything, but it's always been something that has interested me. I'm torn sometimes, because a big part of me is sad when I see how man's "progress" has destroyed God's creation, but I suppose I'm also a product of my society and get excited about big cities and lots of people and living the big city life. I'm a paradox to even myself sometimes. Anyway, Tulips. That is one area in which Chicago has excelled. The tulips here are pretty darn amazing, the blooms are as big as grapefruits and the colors are just spectacular. I have a picture of them as my phone's background and it makes me happy. Alright, well, I didn't really have too much to say today, but I'm getting really excited, because tomorrow, my brother and I leave for Minnesota where we will be spending 5 glorious days with my second family, the Siefkes, and our dear friends the Correas will be there too. The unholy trinity of Missy, Ruth and Gillian will manifest itself once more in Mankato, MN and then after that, I will be heading to Peru. I'm beyond looking forward to going to Peru and doing missions there and all that's left for me to do is be patient for the blessing that is to come. I hope I can talk to people before then, give me a call if you have time, otherwise, I'm going to try and send a letter with some pictures when I get back. God's blessings everyone. Stay tuned....


...Just kidding. No more ellipses for today =).

Inner thoughts of an exhausted girl

Well my sophomore year is done, thank God. Most people had their last two week sprint to the end, for me it was more like I stumbled at the beginning of the last 2 weeks, I fell, then rolled a few times, and I skidded face first over the finish line. But that doesn't matter because I made it to the end. I ended up with decent grades 2 Bs and 5 As, and I'm sure you can all guess which 2 classes the B's were in. I think Ms. Martin really just thinks the grading scale only goes up to a B. Anyway I won't bethink on the semester too much, it doesn't matter now because my 4 months of blissful freedom are here. I'm supposed to do nothing but relax until August. So why aren't I relaxed right now? Well probably because I'm going to be a Nomad for the next 3 weeks, and I'm going to love the places I'm going, but I really just feel right now like I am a weary vagabond that needs home but can't quite get there yet. I think I might still just be tired from school though. I feel like a balloon that's been completely depleted of whatever air supply I was given at first, and now Im just on the floor, sad and being stepped on by some snotty nosed kid who doesn't want a broken balloon. Ok just kidding about the last part, but I am tired. Anyway, well I don't know what to write, I'm feeling alot of things right now. I'm happy school is over with for now, I'm sad that I had to leave my friends, I'm happy to see my family, I'm apprehensive about when I'm going to get sleep before everything begins to take place, and I'm glad to be getting home, but wishing I were there now. Sigh... Life...I think that's all I can say about that

Well anyway, Here's a question, If you were to be described by people with one word, what word would you want people to describe you as? Just curious...I would want my word to be inquisitive. I want people to see me as always on a quest for knowledge and experience and just hungry to soak in my surroundings Don't ask me why, but I hope that's true for me. Well I gotta go my battery is about to die. Hope everyone is doing well!

What's happened to me?

Hello Blogspot my old friend...

I've come to write on you again.... Anyway, so I suppose it's been a few days since I last posted something, almost 2 weeks but those 2 weeks were quite possibly some of the most jam packed weeks I've experienced. Last week especially. Lots of things happened, too many things happened. I didn't really enjoy it all that much. Now, I don't want to be one to be all morose about things, but I will retrospect for a tid bit. Ok, so this past week, my schedule was inhuman. Among extra rehearsals for string ensemble and orchestra, RUF, playing for Collin, playing for Joseph, playing for church, String ensemble concert thursday, birthday Friday, dress rehearsal saturday, formal saturday, church Sunday, Concert Sunday, another all nighter for my design project that was due monday, my parent's visiting from Thursday to Sunday, visiting my aunt and uncle sunday, and oh yeah classes on top of that, I was at the end of my rope. I was so frustrated because I was being pulled in 15 different directions, and none of them were my own. I know that I do alot and I volunteer for alot of stuff, but some of it I didnt volunteer for, and I think I was (and possibly still am) at the point where I just want everyone to leave me alone. I love helping out with things and all that jazz, but I feel like after I would say yes to one thing, others started just expecting me to do things sometimes without even asking. But I don't want to make myself out to be a martyr or anything, but I need a break. When you're too busy that you forget your own birthday, and then realize that you're too busy and tired to celebrate it, it's a problem. I'm stressed and exhausted, I have a knot in my shoulders the size of Iowa and I've lost control of my life, but this isn't a new thing for me. This has been going on all year and I'm sick of it. I've done just about everything short of selling my soul to try and get ahead and please people and impress people and I don't know why I do it. Why do I do it? I thought that this semester was going really great and that things were getting back into order, but this last month has just been utter chaos again. I need sleep. I need a break. And I really need to get out of Anderson for 3 months. I can't even think of anything else right now except making it this last week and then not even thinking about school until august. which is exactly what I need. The problem is, will I have the energy and/or motivation to finish out this last week, because I'm not sure I do. People don't believe me when I tell them I'm thisclose to just quitting school right now. They think I'm to committed for that and that I would never make such a rash decision. Sometimes I wish I would make rash decisions like that and totally blow everyone's expectations including mine. Expectations are a funny thing... Anyway, enough from lake woebegone. Sorry my first post back was little more than melancholic. Oh well,

...and the vision that was planted in my brain still remains within the sound of silence.

Sesame Strizzle

Sesame Strizzle
Originally uploaded by Denverdesigner07.

This picture comes from a website that is quite possibly one of the funniest ones I've seen in a really long time. Go to www.gizoogle.com and just explore the wonderments that await you. The language is a little rough sometimes (you might not want to go there mom) but I think the hilarity more than makes up for the dirty words. Just wanted to post the picture because it is way too freakin hilarious.

You bet your sweet Aspercreme

Well...I'm not sure I really started this post with anything to write other than just that I think I'm getting back on track. I got my very first 20th birthday gift today in the mail. Gracias to Marcus for the Pizza and Root beer kits, I can't wait to try out the pizza in the toaster oven that we don't technically have *wink* Anyway, yeah. It's been kind of nuts this week and my thoughts are still scattered on a lot of things. I guess I didn't realize it so much at the time, but I've been going through a rough time this semester, even though it was a different type of roughness, kind of a masked rough spot, but still, I didn't realize it so much until a little while ago. I guess I've just kind of been in a funk lately. Not to say that this semester has sucked entirely, but it's not been what I expected it to be. New friends have come into my life, some old friends left, some friends stayed put, but the relationship changed, but Changes...Isn't that what life is full of? David Bowie seems to think so. School work has also been interesting. Sophomore reviews really impacted me. More so than I thought they would. I'm starting to figure out more of who I am and what places things have in my life; what I want for myself and how I want to go about obtaining those desires; what I need in life, and how much patience I'll need to wait for it. So my blog posts haven't been extraordinarily upbeat lately, but I haven't been either. I wanted so badly to just get back to normal and be able to care alot about my work and interior design and everything, but then it just got to a point where I needed a break from everything. like I said earlier, I was pretty much at the end of my rope. I talked to some people about how I basically just wanted to run the opposite direction from interior design, that I just wanted to quit for a little while and go and just help people however God want's me to help them. But I needed to let go, and figure out that this is what God wants for me and even if I feel like I am in the shadows and there is no end in sight, God will lead me through the pits and the mucky muck (little Tenacious D allusion for you) I just am glad that God is still pruning me. Even if whatever I go through sucks beyond all belief, if nothing else I know that it is for my benefit and that God is doing it to grow me in Him. What a blessing and comfort. See everyone Later!

She emerges from the depths...

What a ridiculous week. I have been pushed down and kicked and spit on ever since Sunday. I did not sleep between Sunday and Monday. I didn't turn in my Interior Design project when it was due which is basically equivalent to committing academic suicide right after you cut off all your appendages. In other words it's not a good thing. Anyway, I broke down. Multiple times throughout the week. And I have neither the time nor the desire to recount everything that contributed to make my week hell on earth. But know that I felt like saying "Help, I've fallen, but I'm not even sure I want to get up right now." But it's ok, because yesterday, the clouds finally parted and my week from hell, though still a week from hell, seemed to be clearing up. I've talked to a few people about my situation with Ms. Martin, well, everything is all clear now, apparently, contrary to popular opinion, Ms. Martin does have soul, and coincidentally enough, it is capable of caring and encouraging. Just when I was at the end of my rope with nothing left but to cut the rope, Ms. Martin gives me complements and encouragment. I couldn't believe it, but it's true, and it really was just what I needed. So this week definitely sucked, but it'll be better and I have high hopes (well maybe not high, but definitely a glimmer of hope) that the rest of the year will be ok. I'm getting better. I'm getting there....

Music is what feelings sound like.

I realize that my last few posts have been a little less than extraordinarily upbeat. I don't like to be the type of person that contemplates to a point of exhaustion/depression. I obviously would much rather write about the wonderful things in life like flowers and the smell in the air during a spring night and other things that remind me how glorious God's creation is, but the Christian life is not without struggles and everyone has them. I happen to be struggling through some things right now, maybe not struggles as things that I need to sort out about myself and my place in the world and other things and what place they have in my life. Again, I know I'm probably not making much sense right now, but it's the truth, I don't have any answers or sagacious things to share. Bear with me, I'm still working through things.
On a different note, I played cello tonight for my friend Collin's CD that he's recording. (Ha Ha, I just noticed my pun...different NOTE! Sorry) The cello is an amazing stress reliever for me. Even if I suck, I can just get lost in the tones that come out from my instrument. And the more I play, the more I find out that if I just lose myself to the music and the cello, the better it is. Anyone can be trained on an instrument, but to really play that instrument, there has to be a passion there. Someone once said "Play the Music, not the instrument." I think that's one of the areas that I've really grown as a "musician" in the last few years. I mean, I've only been playing for like 6 years, so I guess in the last half of my career, I've tried to work on just letting the music take over and focusing on what I want to put into the cello which will come out anyway, rather than just playing the notes. I don't even know if that makes sense. I was listening to NPR one day ( I know, I'm a nerd) and Yo Yo Ma was on there, and he was talking about this song he was playing and he described it in such an artistic manner, you could truly tell that he wasn't just playing a song, he was creating a work of art right before the listeners. I think it was Stokowski that said something along the lines of "A painter paints on a canvas, but a musician paints on silence." Isn't it amazing the gift that God has blessed us with? I love it. Music is way too big a part of myself and my identity to ignore or move away from. If I did, I would lose myself.

Back to you, Life...

Despite what my poor blogging habits appear to convey, I have not fallen off the face of the planet. I am here, but this past week I have retreated into a fortress of contemplation. I've been doing alot of introspection and I'm not sure I've come up with any answers yet. Actually I'm not expecting to come up with any answers on my own, I won't figure this one out so I've just been praying for God to give me His wisdom, because mine is worthless. I've been thinking alot about where I am in life, especially with my future plans and what I need to do with my life. Oh, I'm not talking about changing my career or major or anything, I don't think I can find whatever I'm looking for in scholastics. I know this probably isn't making much sense right now, but it doesn't to me either. Alot of this started after sophomore reviews and after I started really thinking about them, I guess this is just my response to it. Anyway, I'll probably explain more later when I can form a cogent synopsis of what I'm talking about, but for right now, I think I just need someone to talk to...