just pray

Well, it's been awhile since I've posted anything. But it's been kind of a crazy week and tonight I just needed an outlet. I'm sad tonight.

One of my fears is that my being so far away from home is that something big will happen, and I won't be able to be there for it. Mostly I'm talking about my family. I've said it a million times before, but the number one most important thing in this world to me is my family. And my family members are going through some rough times right now and it just hurts my heart. I feel helpless about it too, which again, makes me sad. I want to be there for my family, even if I can't help directly, I just want to be there so they know that they really are the most important thing in my life. My Grandma's Alzheimer's is getting worse, and while she's deteriorating, my Grandpa's hardship is increasing. It's so hard on him. I can't even imagine, His wife the woman he's been in love with for so many years is fading fast into someone that soon will only be a living reminder of someone that used to be. How can you deal with that? It's painful because the process is so slow. My grandpa needs help and support and though my family and parents are there to help him, I think he feels like his burden is beyond him. My aunt and cousins are still having a hard time too. Their house didn't sell because the buyer's finances didn't hold up. My cousins are entering what's probably going to end up being the most difficult years of their youths and my entire family is holding their breaths to find out how these years will turn out. I'm scared for my cousins that they won't be able to realize that they can rise above their problems. I'm scared that they won't be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel that I know with all of my heart is there. My mom's going back to school to get her doctorate on top of caring for my grandparents and holding down our family. My aunt on my dad's side of the family has become a recluse and for some unknown reason won't speak with us. I'm worried about her. There are some tough times ahead. I don't know what to do but pray.

My best friend just told me today that her grandmother died this past week. I just want to give her a hug. I want to give everyone in my family a hug. I'm sad tonight.

Anyone need a placemat?

My grandmother is crazy. I say this alot, mostly because it's true. Everytime you go over to her house you always leave with an armful of something which you usually don't need or want. It doesn't matter if you just stop by to say Hi or if you're there for a long time, you will always leave with more than you came with. I say this because even though my grandmother is pretty nuts, sometimes you will wind up with something that is useful. Case in point: I now have my very own copy of the Book of Concord. Normally at least 30 dollars, but in my case, completely free, it also came with some free placemats. We don't know where she gets all this stuff, but Lord knows it comes.

Anyway, Last night I was reading in my Book of Concord for my devotions and I was reading about Confession. I kind of just opened the book and it landed on the large catechism portion of the book. I thought, Hm, well, I don't know how much I'll get out of this but I'll definitely still read it (especially because it was only 3 pages and it was already past midnight by that point) So I read it and it was just a little unexpected blessing to my evening. It really was just a huge reminder of the Grace of God that he so freely gives to us despite our sinfulness. Luther especially made emphasis on the importance of confession. And especially the fact that confession is not a time to show off or make it to seem like forgiveness is something we can attain by our own doings when we finally do confess our sins. No, it is not a work that we can perform, all we can do is "lament our sins and desire comfort and restoration for our souls." God does the actual work and all we do is simply accept and receive something from God. Then we can have the restored heart and conscience. How amazing is it that we can confess our sins before God and He has promised to grant us forgiveness continually? We should place great importance on confession and forgiveness. Luther compares it to a miserable beggar who hears that a rich gift of money and clothes is to be given out somewhere, Wouldn't he run there as fast as he can so he can get his share of the blessing? Shouldn't we be the same way? I pray that all of you can take comfort in the knowledge we have of the power of confession and more importantly, the unending power of God's forgiveness.

Heroes in a Half Shell...Turtle Power!

So it's been awhile since I posted last. One full week to be precise. It's funny how much can happen in one week, I believe I will post in list form tonight-

-Admissions Office Training is over! It wasn't bad, pretty fun and I am completely thrilled at our new office the former Oakwood Bed and Breakfast. It's SOOOOO Great! I'm really excited about work this year

-I finished setting up my room. After some setbacks, I have my room how I want it, with many new things as well.

-Good Bonding time with Diana!!! Yay for old friends and making new friends too.

-I have my very first plant. Diana and I have affectionately dubbed it "Mugsy. myeah shee?"

-I also have a new table that holds Mugsy very nicely. A new rug also adorns the floor on which my table rests

-Probably my favorite part of the week- I GOT A SUPER NINTENDO! So many memories...ah, the good old days. Thanks to Jeffar!

-Mmm... lots of other stuff

So far it's been a good week. Still not sure if I'm ready for school, but I've been praying about my attitude for it. I'll need strength this year to keep pressing towards the mark. I'm not sure how much I'll be able to post this year, I'm not sure how busy my schedule is, but I'm sure I'll be able to post once in awhile. There's a ton more I'm sure to post tonight, but I'm tired and once I get going, oh boy....look out. :)

Oh, I also just want to say that the very first time in 5 years of me driving, I locked my keys in the car today at the local Citgo. I was mad at myself for the rest of the day. Frankly I'm still a little bitter.

Yep, I still hate Kansas...

So...here I am, in Kansas at the Sleep Inn where I am retreating for the night. I'm on my way back to school. Still can't decide how I feel about that. One thing I am feeling though is sad. I can't stand goodbyes, and worse when I have to say goodbye to my family and my best friends and my home. I always get so sad when I say goodbye and I start to feel like I don't even want to go back if it means leaving all these things that I love behind. I know I sound really mopey and everything right now, but I always get like this, everytime I leave.

Last night was my last night at home, so my friends and brother and I went up to Red Rocks (I'm sure I've talked about it before, but look it up online, it's one of my absolute favorite places in Colorado to be) Anyway, we went up there around 8 or 9 (The park closes at 11) and we took my laptop up and we climbed up one of the big rocks (which you're technically not supposed to do) and watched a movie against the most amazing background that you'll ever see. It's so amazing to be up there because you're basically on top of Denver and you can see all the lights of the city for miles, but it's still dark enough to see all the stars. It was so pretty. We had such a great time too, and it's times like those that again, make me not want to leave. I don't regret going so far for college, It was God's plan for me, and I need that time to learn what God wants me to learn. But I think the novelty of going to college out of state is beginning to wear off. I feel like I really want to settle down into my life and be an actual "grown-up" Does that make sense? Probably not.

Anyway, Anderson people probably think that I hate them. I don't I swear and I am excited to see you guys again, but this is just the breaks of that whole out of state thing I suppose. Don't worry, I'll snap out of it once I get back there, but for tonight, I think I just want to be sullen.

Adiós, Tofa, Chào ba, Sawatdi, Adjö, Ciao, Poka...Bye!

Well I figured it was time for an update since the last time I posted was in July, and now it's August. Granted, it's technically only 4 days since my last post, but if I span the distances by months rather than the number of days, it makes it seem more dire that I post right away.

Summer is very quickly coming to an end (sad). My best friend Missy and her parents went back to Minnesota yesterday (Really sad) but her sister Joleen is now moved in so at least I'll get to see her (Happy). My other best friend Ruth and I got to spend some time together again last night (happy) and I can now admit that I watch the MTV reality show, Laguna Beach (shameful). I probably won't continue to watch it though once I get back to school because I don't want to remain in the summer remedial state of mind forever, but it's a good summer show to watch. So anyway, that's been my life. I had another sad thought today though, I pictured myself driving east on I-70 and seeing Downtown Denver pass by and it would be the last time for a really really long time that I'll be able to be home. I won't come back home until November. And it makes me sad to say goodbye. I never was good with goodbyes, even if I know I'm coming back. I'm not sure why. I try to be optimistic, and I'm not homesick yet or anything, though I probably will be during the 14 hours in Kansas (gross); I am looking forward though to seeing my Anderson friends again. I talked with Rob yesterday for awhile, and Jeff too, so I am excited to see everyone again and get back to RUF and the fun stuff. Still waiting to get excited about the school part, but who knows if that will ever come. That's all for now I think. Pray for me and my super long cross country solitary expedition I'm taking starting Saturday...by myself...alone...without anyone else...alone, oh I said that already. Well anyway, just pray that the trip goes well and smoothly, although if I happened to blow a tire on the way, it would be ok, because I know how to change one, it might take me 2 hours to do so, but the fact that I can actually do it would be my triumph. Alright, I'm outta here. See you in 6 days AC!