just pray

Well, it's been awhile since I've posted anything. But it's been kind of a crazy week and tonight I just needed an outlet. I'm sad tonight.

One of my fears is that my being so far away from home is that something big will happen, and I won't be able to be there for it. Mostly I'm talking about my family. I've said it a million times before, but the number one most important thing in this world to me is my family. And my family members are going through some rough times right now and it just hurts my heart. I feel helpless about it too, which again, makes me sad. I want to be there for my family, even if I can't help directly, I just want to be there so they know that they really are the most important thing in my life. My Grandma's Alzheimer's is getting worse, and while she's deteriorating, my Grandpa's hardship is increasing. It's so hard on him. I can't even imagine, His wife the woman he's been in love with for so many years is fading fast into someone that soon will only be a living reminder of someone that used to be. How can you deal with that? It's painful because the process is so slow. My grandpa needs help and support and though my family and parents are there to help him, I think he feels like his burden is beyond him. My aunt and cousins are still having a hard time too. Their house didn't sell because the buyer's finances didn't hold up. My cousins are entering what's probably going to end up being the most difficult years of their youths and my entire family is holding their breaths to find out how these years will turn out. I'm scared for my cousins that they won't be able to realize that they can rise above their problems. I'm scared that they won't be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel that I know with all of my heart is there. My mom's going back to school to get her doctorate on top of caring for my grandparents and holding down our family. My aunt on my dad's side of the family has become a recluse and for some unknown reason won't speak with us. I'm worried about her. There are some tough times ahead. I don't know what to do but pray.

My best friend just told me today that her grandmother died this past week. I just want to give her a hug. I want to give everyone in my family a hug. I'm sad tonight.