...

what do I say?

Do I talk about how much my granpda meant to me and the rest of our family?

Do I talk about what an unexpected shock it was to lose him?

Do I talk about how just 9 days before, he was healthy?

Do I dwell on how much I miss him?

Do I pretend like I'm doing ok when everyone keeps wanting me to talk about it?

Do I act brave, even though my heart is broken?

I don't know what to say.

I know he's in heaven and so much happier.

I know that death is not our conquerer.

I know that Gilbert Cordova was given the crown of glory by Christ.

I know that he is waiting for the rest of our family to get there.

I know this. I know this all because he taught it to me and raised us with Christ as our Shepherd.

But, it still hurts right now. And I don't know what to do about that.

I love you Granpda

I miss him...

Grandpa's turn

10 bucks to guess which of my family members is in the hospital this week. Yep, good old Gilbert Cordova is now having his day in the sun, and by sun, I do mean the 3rd floor of St. Anthony's Central Hospital. At a whopping 7 doors away from where my grandma was a mere 2 weeks ago, my grandfather is thoroughly drugged right now after undergoing a surgery to take out the stones in his gallbladder. We always knew that about 70 years of him cooking his breakfasts in lard would catch up. Anyway, he's ok for now, he developed a clot where the surgery was, but the physicians found it and treated it, so I think he's just going to have to stay a few extra days to recuperate.

Que Sera Sera right?

It's always a trip when one of our family member's is in the hospital. No, literally, a trip. The rest of the Cordova clan will drive to the hospital and gather round in the room of whomever the patient is, while the nurses hate us for trying to fit so many people in, especially when there technically is a 2 person limit for visitors. Oh well. Today was kind of funny though. I wish I were a screen writer, I'm sure that there is a movie or TV show just waiting to be based on my family and all our shenanigans. Grandma's crazy with alzheimer's; grandpa can't hear anything and always causes a stir because of it. For instance, when the doctor's told my grandpa he had a clot from the surgery, for some reason or another, he thought they were telling him that he had cancer, so when my crazy grandma came in, the first thing grandpa tells her is that he has cancer. Which, he doesn't, and the rest of the family spent the next hour and a half trying to convince them both that grandpa did not, in fact, have cancer.

That was a treat. Another highlight of today was that nutrition services brought my grandpa dinner, which he didn't want because he wasn't hungry and still fairly ridden with drugs. Well, rather than just not eat it, he started to get mad that the food was going to go to waste, he grew up in the depression era and his family never wasted anything, and we were brought up the same way, though not quite as drastically. So since he definitely did not want the food to go to waste, he started asking for a to-go box...for his hospital food. Pretty much asked everyone in sight, including our whole family, the nurse, a cleaning lady, basically anyone who walked into the room and the blood tech, who, poor guy, all he wanted to do was draw some blood. Finally, dear old Uncle Randy, who had been eyeing that steak sandwich the whole time swooped in like a vulture. He said he just wanted to not let the food go to waste, but we all knew.

Uncle Alex then told the nurse about the food swiping, the nurse was fairly aggravated at that point and smoothly used the "incident" as a springboard to pretty much kick the family out by enforcing the 2 person limit. Sigh...people are so mean, and we weren't even being loud! Oh well, we'll just all go back tomorrow and hope there's a different nurse, so that the special blend of Cordova Chaos will once more reign on the third floor of St. Anthony's Central Hospital. I can hardly wait...

Design that office Cinderelly...

Just kidding. It's hard coming back to the job.

After a wonderfully long 4 day weekend (although now that it's over, it seems like it was too short) I am currently sitting once more at my expensive desk, typing on my expensive computer, and sitting on my really expensive chair. I upgraded now because my other chair was sold and I am now sitting on a $1507 chair. Oh what a burdensome life I lead.

So my grandma is a lot better. She's out of the hospital now and even though she's down a few notches because stress of it all, she is home. Sigh, however, continue to pray for my family because there's a lot of decisions that are going to have to be made in the not too distant future. But, we will cross those bridges once we get there and for now, we will revert to our family's traditional credo- Que sera, sera. That and family comes first.

It's amazing to me what I've learned from my family about dealing with tough situations. It's almost stoic the way that my family deals with stress and hard times, but at the same time, I like the method. So what if if our family is 18,000 dollars in the hole and three cars have to be replaced for some freak mechanical problems and all of a sudden, a relative needs a lot of money. Que sera sera. We'll take out a loan to help out family, because family comes first. Not only that, we'll get by and deal because we always do. There hasn't been anything that my family can't get through because of the principles that my family sticks to. Family first, and whatever happens to come our way, we'll deal. Que sera sera.

So that's what's going on in my life. Last night was the big Fourth of July Bash, nearly rained out by a torrential downpour in Denver, but cleared up in time for the big fireworks show at my Uncle's House. You can read last year's post about the Fourth of July. Nothing ever changes for as far as the traditional aspect goes. However this year, we managed to not almost get busted by the cops for shooting bottle rockets. Oh well, there's always next year...

The Lord my Pasture Shall Prepare...

so...this week has been, um, exciting? Yeah sure, let's go with that word.

This past Monday, My grandma Cordova, had a heart attack. No history of heart problems, no family history of heart conditions, just kind of out of the blue. That was scary. She had 2 blocked arteries, one was 98% blocked, the other 99%. The doctor's put in two stints and she was back home by Wednesday. It was a moderate heart attack with Mild damage done, so of course, that was a pretty big deal for the family.

This is the grandma that's been diagnosed with alzheimer's for 6 years, so she's really not in the best shape anyway. Like I said, it was kind of concerning. When the ambulance was called and the paramedics were there, Grandma was saying "I'm coming home Lord! God, I'm coming!" Later she told us that she was mad because God told her to come back, which looking back on it now, was somewhat humorous, especially if you know my crazy grandma, but still kind of caught the family by surprise.

So in the midst of all this the family has had a pretty busy week. Then today came.

My grandma the whole week has been talking about nothing but coming to church today, and the doctors wanted her to be fairly active again anyway, so even though she had just had the attack on Monday, she really wanted to come today. So this morning at the 8 o' clock service, my grandparents came in, and my grandma was a little pale, but the same as she's been.

Then, About 15 seconds into the sermon, she starts clutching her chest.

My mom tried to get her out to the narthex of the church, but she couldn't make it. I went out to call 911. I've never called 911 before.

The paramedics came and took her in the ambulance to the same hospital that she had just come out of Wednesday. Today was kind of intense. I suppose it made for a pretty eventful church service though. She's ok now I guess. Apparently the doctor's are saying that this wasn't necessarily a second heart attack, but more of an episode, whatever that means. God only knows what the future will be like for my grandma. Pray for my grandpa. It's hardest on him and even though he knows that she's eventually going to be in a better place, it still hurts him now to go through this, and he's really exhausted. Pray for peace that only God can give.

While my family (all 17 of us-and that's not even the whole family) were in the ER waiting room, I thought of 2 things:

First, Praise God for my family. Praise God that we don't have to go through this world alone and that there are people here to help us through.

Second, praise God that we only go through this world and that it is most certainly not our home. How amazingly encouraging is it to know that my grandma, as confused and crazy as she is doesn't have to fear her passing, but that she can look forward to it with joy and a longing to go home, to her real home, to be with her Shepherd. I don't know what other hope I would have in a situation like this if I didn't know the Truth. It would be devastating, and yet, since we do know, we can rejoice with her that she'll be in a much better place, where she won't have to suffer anything! What better reminder of God's promise is there? There's a hymn that I don't know the music to, but the lyrics are great:

"The Lord My Pasture Shall Prepare"by Joseph Addison

1. The Lord my pasture shall prepare
And feed me with a shepherd's care;
His presence shall my wants supply
And guard me with a watchful eye;
My noonday walks He shall attend
And all my midnight hours defend.

2. When in the sultry glebe I faint
Or on the thirsty mountain pant,
To fertile vales and dewy meads
My weary, wandering steps He leads,
Where peaceful rivers, soft and slow,
Amid the verdant landscape flow.

3. Though in the paths of death I tread,
With gloomy horrors overspread,
My steadfast heart shall fear no ill,
For Thou, O Lord, art with me still;
Thy friendly crook shall give me aid
And guide me through the dreadful shade.

Hey, um...I really don't mean to offend you, but...

Funny how a little sugar coating gives people the idea that they can say anything they want. In the South, the phrase "Well bless his/her/their heart(s)" is popular. However, do not be fooled. This is no ordinary invocation of a blessing upon someone's soul. No, no. What this actually is in fact, is a free ticket to say whatever you really feel about that person, while still making yourself look like a saint. "Well, bless his heart, it's a good thing that modern medicine will be able to cure that horrible facial structure" or "Bless her heart, if it weren't for her cheating on those standardized tests, she never would have made it out of first grade because she's so stupid bless her heart" or even "Hey, um I really don't mean to offend you, but did you know that your face looks like it was stepped on by a horse and then spit upon by a llama? But really, I don't mean to offend you." If you make a heart-blessed sandwich or say I don't mean to offend enough, you could insult Castro and still come out on top.

I bring this up because today, I had a meeting with a certain client that we will call "The richest, quite possibly most arrogant man I've ever met in real life" or how about Rich for short? Anyway, he starts off a sentence by saying "Hey, by the way, I really don't mean to offend you or anything, but..." and then proceeded to say something that to me was not particularly offensive, mostly because I'm not that easily offended, but was something that someone could have easily been upset by. No big deal, but it did make me think about how often people think that if they cushion what they really want to say with enough words, it will change the meaning. Note to Everyone: it really doesn't.

So that's the story for the day. The Moral? just keep it to yourself.

By the way....

Just in case you were thinking about going and running a quick mile and a half outside in Denver when it's 101 degrees farenheit outside...

DONT.

It's just not worth it. Trust me.

Te amo Peru...

Well I'm back to the real world now. It's always sooo hard coming back from Peru because I hate leaving there. Everytime I go there, I feel so at home and so at peace with everything that is going on there. I love the people. I love the culture. I love pretty much everything about Peru. However, a 10 day trip is just as short as it sounds, and my time in Peru this year has past. I met so many new people there this year, and I am longing to keep those friendships and strengthen the ties. I'm sad that I can't be there to continue the friendship in person. However, I did get some e-mail addresses and I know that God will work through some of the people I met and will continue to talk to. I can't wait to see them again.

But for now, I'm back to my life as a working girl.

This interior design world is almost a paradox for me. I love interior design, and I know that I could make a great career out of it and I know that God's plan was for me to go to Anderson for Interior design. But at the same time, I also know that God's plan for my college studies also directly led me into the opportunities that Peru holds for me. I can't ignore that. I love Peru so much and I feel called to Peru to work there; at least for awhile. So after graduation, I will have two months to attend Ruth's wedding and then Marcus' wedding and then I will leave for Peru to live there for awhile teaching at the English language institute. I'm not afraid at all about moving to Peru or what the outcome will be, mostly because I feel peace from God about it. We sing in songs all the time I will follow where you lead, and every part about that is true for me. I have absolutely no qualms about it.

Whatever support money needs to be raised will come. I'm not worried about student loans or probably anything that I should normally be worried about. There's a tiny question inside of me that says "Are you ever going to do interior design?" And my answer is, "I have no idea" Right now I can see two paths that might happen, 1) I move to Peru and love it and love my time there and then come back to the states to start working. 2) I move to Peru and love it and love my time there and God calls me into being a career missionary. I'm fine with either, as long as it's God's will for me.

I was telling some of my coworkers yesterday about my trip to Peru and I told them that I probably would move down there after Graduation to work at the english language institute. The responses were great, some people said "Oh that's awesome" or "Oh that's so great!" and then one of my coworkers Larry asked how long I would be there for, and when I told him 6-9 months, he said "That's great, you're probably never coming back you know" And when I asked what made him say that he said "Because you obviously love it and you're not going to want to leave!" And my first automatic reaction inside was "I hope I don't ever leave!" And I wasn't scared about that thought at all. I didn't even phase me to think that I could do that forever. So I guess that's all to say that my prayer in my life is that wherever I am, whatever I am doing, whether it is working as an interior designer and making money or working as a missionary or whatever it is, I pray that God will lead me one step at a time. I used to think that I had my whole life figured out that I would go to college and be a great designer right out of school work for 35 years and love every second of it, but now I have no idea what I'll be doing 2 years from now, and I am more than ok with that. God has led me so many amazing places thus far, and for me to try and give Him suggestions on what he should want me to do for my life would be insane, and even more than that, I would miss out so much. Who knows where God will take me? I definitely don't, but I don't have to worry about that. I am at peace no matter where I go because I have God leading me. Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit!

Just another manic Monday...

I can't get over how wealthy the people I work with are. They're great people, really nice and everybody's been really friendly so far so it's not like anyone's a snob or anything, but it catches me off guard when I realize the different economic classes of my coworkers. Granted, most of them have been in the business for a long time and have had a chance to establish their finances. Today when I came in two of my coworkers were talking about graduations. One of the guys had a son and daughter graduating and we were just talking for a second about that and then the other lady said "So they're both getting the Boxster for graduation?" And he goes "Oh yeah, they both are" then the lady said "Yeah, Gretchen asked for one too" and I wondered to myself, "Hm..what's a boxster?" I figured it was either a lunch combo meal from a deli or some sort of mp3 player or other various piece of electronic equipment that I was not aware of, so I decided to look it up on google. So I sit down on my fancy schmancy chair at my fancy schmancy desk and type in "boxster" at my fancy schmancy computer. Then the screen came up and I was awestruck at what was before me. A ''boxster" is not a small electronic device. No no friends, a "boxster" is a freakin Porsche. A p-o-r-s-c-h-e that's right, A car. but not just any car, a porsche that costs somewhere in the neighborhood of 45 to 55 THOUSAND dollars. I about had a heart attack at my fancy schmancy desk. I could not believe it. I then told my coworkers that they could give me a graduation gift if they wanted to.

But honestly! It blows my lower middle class mind. My family has never owned a car that costs over 20,000 dollars, and even then we drive them for 14 years or until they blow up, whichever comes first. Not that we've ever been in dire need or wanted for anything, but I just can't fathom that kind of money. What would you do with all of it? That is one thing that I've never really been comfortable with in my chosen career path. Yes, there is the opportunity to make exorbitant amounts of money while spending other people's insane amounts of money, but I've never really been ok with that much money. Which makes me wonder. although I do aspire to do my best, It's never really been a goal or desire of mine to climb the financial ladder. So, if my best ends up making me a six figure salary, then what? I could definitely take care of my family, but I don't want to lose touch with reality and I definitely don't want to live like I'm making a six figure salary. Is that crazy? I don't know, Money changes everything, even though you don't want it to. I guess what I'm saying is that even if I make enough money to end up buying two freaking porsches in the same year for the kids that I probably won't have, I hope I don't buy them.

Saturday Night Fever

It's Saturday night here in good old Denver. It's been pretty hot here lately, about 90 today, but it's cooled off a bit since this afternoon. I finished off my first week of my internship strong. I learned alot, got to know the people a bit better there and can't wait to finish out the summer. It's such a great place to work, I feel like I already have been there awhile because the people are so friendly and are more importantly really willing to teach me things while I'm there.

I get so eager to do everything, and when I get frustrated because I don't already know how to do something, or if it feels like I'm not working on something every second, I have to take a breath and remind myself that I've only worked there five days. I just really want to succeed at this job and exceed my expectations and especially the expectations of my employers. It's really nice being on my own with this too. As miserable as Ms. Martin can sometimes make my life, she's only a miniscule part of it, and even though she holds authority at Anderson, she most certainly does not hold any authority in my internship. It's good to be able to step outside that Anderson microscope and spread my wings a little bit and see how I can do on my own in the "real world" That sounds pretty egotistical, but it's kind of true. This is a brand new challenge in my life, and as with any challenge, it's sink or swim. I was a little bit nervous coming into it, just because I didn't know how I would perform outside of my comfort zone. But so far, I feel like I've embraced the challenge. It's kind of funny, whenever I have something new like this in my life where I am uncertain, I tell myself it's ok to be nervous, but you still have to work through it. Half the time, the uncertainty helps me to do better. It's like I have to overcompensate just to make sure all my bases are covered. But again, it's been great so far, and I'm really excited and anxious to see how far I can get with this job.

Well that's the news on the business front, which also happens to be the major front in my life, because it's certainly not the relationship front. I don't mind being single. When else am I going to get a chance to be completely self-centered? Just kidding. But really, I know that this is apparently what God wants for me right now. However, I bring this whole topic up because it's also apparent to me that every year in the spring/summertime, I always get the relationship question from people. 3 times in the past two days.
-The first time was a straightforward "Are you dating anybody yet?" Nope, not yet, I'll keep you posted (roll my eyes).

-The second time, Joan, a funny designer at work, asked me in a little bit different way: "So Gillian, are ya hot with anybody right now??" "hee hee, No Joan, pretty cold actually"

- The third time was a bit random as well, I had just met a somewhat elderly couple at my grandparents house. My grandma had just told them that I was going to Peru for a missions trip. Little Old lady: "Oh that's so Wonderful!" Little old man: "Are you going to bring home a boyfriend?" Me: "Um, well, hopefully I'll be focusing more on the mission work than boys..."

So I don't mind the questions so much, especially when they're funny like that, but I do wonder why it ends up being a big deal, well maybe not a big deal, but any sort of deal at all. Who knows? Anyway, it's all God's timing, so that's definitely one less thing that I have to worry about. Well, it's close to 11 and I need to go to bed and then enjoy the Sabbath tomorrow. One week until Peru! Please continue to pray for the trip as well as for the rest of my support money to come in! Good Night!

She Works Hard for the Money!

Well it is now 5:03 pm and I have successfully completed my first day as a working professional interior design...intern. However, I really feel like a professional now. Here's what has led me to this business like change:

- I have my own desk. My very own desk. And it's big too! I can put stuff on it like pictures and plants (of which there are already two that were left on my desk) and have my very own pens and rubber bands and binder clips which I hold in my very own drawers.

- I will have my very own computer. Good thing I have my very own desk to put it on

- I have my very own professional citron workspaces e-mail account. Good thing I can check my e-mail on my very own computer.

- I can put my lunch in the company refrigerator, and then get it out at the appropriate lunch time and eat it...at my desk, or outside if I so choose.

Well those are the things that have made me happy today. This is going to be pretty much an amazing internship. I love the company, I love the people here, I love my desk and I think the only thing that is keeping me down on the student level is the thought that I have one more year of school left and the fact that I don't have my very own business cards....soon though, very soon. Well, my first day is done, the company already took me out to lunch, tomorrow I'm going to the staff meeting because I'm part of the staff. Then at 11:30 I will be going on a business luncheon at the Chophouse. And I'm not paying!!! For those of you who don't know, the ChopHouse is a super ritzy restaurant that poor people like me should not think about going inside, but now I can, because I have my very own fake professional pass. Wheee! Soo, that's about it for now, I'm going to go home after a long day at the office..oh man, I tell you what, if that copier gives me any more trouble....whew. Just kidding. I really do like my job though. I'll keep you guys posted!

On the Road Again...and again, and again....

Good Lord, does the road ever end? Hm, about 17 hours down the road hopefully. Oy! I hate this drive, but hey, it's my annual on the road blogpost! Woohoo! I'm actually posting right now from the same Holiday Inn Express in Paducah Kentucky that I posted at some other time that I was on my way home. However, as my good friend Philip reminded me, I am on the road for a purpose and will be seeing the mountains within the next 36 hours or so, barring any unforeseen disasters, or foreseen disasters for that matter. So far, I almost was run off the road by a semi....twice, I've seen lots of roadkill (gross) but the prize for the most disgusting is actually a toss-up between the dead goat (random) and the decapitated (literally) deer. Probably my least favorite part of roadtrips is the actually roadtrip. Oh well. What can you do? I don't have any funny stories to post yet, but I've only made it to Kentucky. As much as I hate Kansas and Missouri, there usually a few good stories from there. We'll see.

Well, there's not really anything worth posting tonight. In the 7 or 8 hours that I've driven so far, I've had alot of time to think. that and listen to Adventures in Odyssey thanks to friend Philip once more who loaned me the 4 disc set. I'm not sure if anyone's ever found a hole in the Spacetime continuum, but I feel like this cd set has been my ticket back into my childhood, and my own personal spacetime portal. Sooooooo many memories. Sigh, good times. Well anyway, I think I'm gonna hit the Holiday Inn Express hay and not think about how much driving tomorrow through Kansas is gonna suck. For the sake of my sanity, if you read this, call my cellphone and keep me awake tomorrow and Tuesday.

I'm sitting here in my somewhat empty suite in the Village dorm surveying what lies ahead of me. I'm finished with my Junior year (though I technically have been a Senior since December) and finished off with only one B. Guess who's class! Martin....
Oh well, we all knew it would happen. Anyway, so that makes my GPA this semester a 3.8 and my cumulative a 3.57 I've been trying for the last three years to counter Ms. Martin's Bs, but alas, she has pretty much stomped on my gpa and is holding it down as best she can with her pointy toed shoes.

So since I'm done with my schooling, this week has been just me trying to pack up my room slowly, because I despise moving. But it also has been filled with fun stuff too. Birthday parties, Corbett McGees, and tomorrow night, my friend Jeff Prater on guitar, me on the cello, and Chris Bradley on the Acordion will be gracing the Coffee Underground Open Mic Night stage with some of Jeff's original works, as well as a medley of old timey hymns. I am so excited! It'll be fun, if you can make it, then make it, because who doesn't want to hear an acordion? I just don't know.

I got out of my funk probably a day after I posted that last comment. I don't mean to leave up the not so happy posts so long, and I'm not depressed or anything, but I just forget to change them and then it makes me look sad all the time. Oh well, Hopefully this post has been happy enough to leave up for awhile.

I'm going back home on Sunday. All alone....all 25 hours....alllllll by myseeelf, don't wanna be, allll by myseeeeeelf anymore. Sigh. I hate that drive. Oh well, at least it gets me home. Much love people.

Pure Funk, Disc 1

So outside the window at work where I am sitting, dutifully making calls to inquiring minds, I am watching a woodpecker. Woodpeckers are pretty neat birds I think, although if I were a bird I would be a cardinal. I would be a really vain cardinal though, because the whole time I would probably just fly near glass so that I could admire how good I look. I wasn't really going anywhere with that, but I just had that thought.

Anyway, so I am most certainly ready for this school year to be over so that I can just get out of here. It's that time of year when I just get stretched too thin. I wrote about the same stuff last year. It's not that I don't/can't say no, but it's the fact that people just start demanding and expecting and then I don't get a chance to say no. But oh well, what is life if not frustrating once in a while.

And frustrating it is right now. I'm in a funk. And not the "Workin at the Car Wash" fun kind of funk. The bad kind. I am now on a 3 day streak of bad day-ness. Nothing majorly bad has happened to have made me had a 3 day long bad day, but it's that type of day when all the little things go wrong and just start piling up. Of course, maybe it's just my attitude about it. Maybe, everyday just as many little things go wrong, but for whatever reason, I have been especially sensitive to the little things the last 3 days. Well whatever the reason, I'll be glad when it's over. Sigh. I would type more, but I'm in funk. I'm just kidding, but only partially.


Well, I can't think right now of anything that I really want to get into too much. But I will say this. I am now officially addicted to the T.V. show "Lost" It's completely Diana's and Hope's fault but now I'm addicted. So if anyone wants to buy the first and/or second season DVD for me, I most definitely would not be opposed to that.

Here comes the SUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alright now. The last two weeks have been CRAZY. Crazy busy, crazy dramatic, crazy everything that makes me tired and want to do nothing but veg out while watching the National Geographic Channel. It's a good thing that this Friday I have the whole day off for Good Friday.. Oy, there's just been so many extra things the past two weeks. Concerts, String Ensemble concerts, playing for recitals, going to this that and the other thing, and, oh yeah, that little thing called College. Phew. I'm beat! But hey, it's April, and we all know that April is the latin work for "Active."

Alright, so I'm full of baloney, or bologna for you stout traditionalists, either way, all I know is that April to me has always meant lots of running around and not a lot of down time. But hey summer will be starting soon and I am thankful for it. This summer will be fairly exciting for me as I may now be considered a professional intern (is that an oxymoron?) I say professional because I will be receiving the fantastic salary of minimum wage, which when you consider that I have to work 200 hours for my internship, I potentiall will make 1000 dollars. 950 of which will probably end up going to the whichever Gas station I end up frequenting. But hey, it's a job. I am going to be working at Citron Workspaces under the direction of Kathey Pear and Kim Tyrrell. What's that? Why yes you can look up their website at www.citronworkspaces.com What's that? Why yes I am excited for this new chapter in my life. What's that? I don't know why I'm acting like I'm face to face talking to you with a serious hearing problem.

Anyway, So that's pretty much been the biggest news of my life so far, oh yeah and I'll be living in a real house next year that the school owns. Wheeee!!! I'm really excited, because I'm going to be able to have a basement studio to practice in and a yard that I can plant flowers in, and some awesome housemates, and some super awesome neighbors, and somewhere around 2000 sq feet to practice my residential design in. Yay! I'll post pictures as soon as I can get them.

Well that's about it I think. I think I began this blogpost with every intention of writing something meaningful or profound or just generally worth your time, but I'm pretty tired right now, and I can't remember why I thought I had something worthwhile to say. Oh well, Maybe next time...

It's like a one-woman show of hectic-ness!

Well, it's about time to update this thing seeing as how now it's April and I'm no longer so very close to death. Last week was a rough week, but I'm better now and currently about to face a very very busy next seven days head on- busy, but at the same time, exciting. Oh Life, you never quit, do you?

So here it is Thursday night, and I will run through my schedule now, not necessarily for anyone's reading enjoyment, but mostly for my sake of figuring out exactly what I need to do.

Tomorrow is almost here!!! Why is that so exciting you may ask? What's so special about April 7th? Well, tomorrow night marks the culmination of something that I have been working towards for the last year of my life. Tomorrow Night at 8 pm in the Henderson Auditorium, I, accompanied graciously by the Anderson Symphony Orchestra, will make my debut as a Young Artist and one of four winners of the Concerto/Aria contest. I will be playing Haydn's Cello concerto in C major. Now, I feel I must take some time to share my feelings about this. First of all, I'm thrilled. It's amazing to say the least to see your work come through. Second, I'm a little worried because I feel like I'm bragging...and I hate that. I'm my toughest critic and I would rather anything else than to act like a snotty musician because I know exactly what my capabilities are and exactly how not close enough they are for me to act like that. I find it hard for me to tell people about the concert without feeling pompous, but at the same time, I want my friends to share this with me, because I feel like this is a milestone in my life. I am accomplishing exactly what I have set out to do. I have been practicing alot and working hard and it's satisfying. It's kind of a tension between feeling satisfied with my work and taking credit. I know what my level of playing is I don't want to give people an impression that I'm any better than I am. that's just the little wrestling match going on inside me right now. Anyway so that's what's going on tomorrow night. (don't let me fool you, I really am happy)

SATURDAY!!!!!!! the day of rest and recouperation. HA no. I have to work open house, ALLLL day and then go see my old friend Collin Derrick's concert saturday night. Psh... who needs time to do homework?

SSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUUUUUNDAY. The Lord's Day. I will first be observing the Sabbath by going to church and then after I get fed, I will be using that newly acquired energy to make it through the rest of my week. Sunday Afternoon, Anderson University has decided that the change from College to University is call for a giganto celebration complete with ice cream and stuff and hub-bub and a free concert by the Anderson Symphony Orchestra...oh wait, that's me too, huh? Yep. So there goes Sunday afternoon. Then I get to go to a Peru meeting Sunday night. I am excited for that, but at the same time, I am starting to really wonder when I will have time to finish all my work. Hm, good question.

Monday....the day of mon. Actually I don't even think I'm going to go through the rest of the days, but it will be a blur of tests, quizzes, musical performances, concerts, papers, projects being due, and maybe some sleep thrown in here and there. Other duties as assigned.

well I think that's about it. The next seven days start out exciting and then will probably end with some stress. Oh well...Lord give me strength to accomplish what you will have me to do! Bye Everyone!!!!

102 degrees...

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh

uuuuu......uuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggh.....
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhh

I think I have the flu, or people are also telling me that I possibly have a sinus infection. Either way, my head is about to implode and everytime I cough my head feels like a bass drum during a high school marching band competition. Everything I do now takes twice as long to do. Things like walking, typing this blog, talking, thinking, laughing, and just generally everything else. I can't remember the last time I felt this bad. I feel like I'm too tired to even try and fight it, which normally I just pretend like I'm not sick and keep going until the sick decides to leave. This one has me beat. Beat like....something that is typically beaten..badly. So that's my life right now. Congested, coughing, feverish, achy, and just all around bad.
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh

Ms. Baikie, Ms. Gillian Baikie, please see the attendant to claim your free granola bar

Well, somehow or another, I've managed to once again pick the returning spring break flight that ends up being super delayed. It's becoming something of a spring break tradition for me I think (See last year's post about this same time). Well This time it is a little different though I have to admit. I'm stuck in Denver, which frankly, is much more appealing to me than being stuck in the Cleveland, Ohio airport. I do like airports. I love watching the people and talking with different people, like the security guard who told me that I had a nice smile and that it was almost as big as his, which was a bright start to my morning.

Contintental Airlines had some equipment malfunction so the inbound flight which was to later turn into my outbound flight never quite made it. So rather than leaving from Denver at 9:40, I now get to leave at 11:50. Wheee!!! Again, it's not that bad because I was going to have a 2 and half hour layover anyway in Cleveland, so basically I'm just spending that layover time here in Denver. Plus, since it was technically the airline's fault that we're stuck here, they brought out a special "We're Sorry!" Snack cart, because apparently there is no layover long enough that can't be made up with Doritos, Chewy Granola Bars, Milano Cookies and Dr. Pepper. I defintiely swiped multiples. Hey, I'm just trying to let them make their amends...with snacks. And they gave me a coupon to get either Free movie headsets, a coupon at the duty free shop, or a free alcoholic beverage on the flight. Too bad my 21st birthday is still 5 weeks away. Not really, Who doesn't want duty free items!?!

Well that's my airport spring break update. hopefully this trip will not end up being a repeat of last year's disaster. Yikes!

Someone hire me.

well here I sit, once more in my favorite coffee shop in Denver staring out the window at the hustle and bustle of Regis University which happens to be right across the street. Clearly Regis students are not on spring break.

My trip home has been great. Very relaxing. When I got home friday, my family and my aunt and cousin went out to get some good Mexican food and then my parents and I went to the Boulder Theater (obviously in Boulder) to go see Chick Corea. He's a jazz musician that's had something like a forty year career and he is absolutely amazing. He's been doing alot lately with latin/flamenco music, and this concert was nothing but that. They even had a professional flamenco dancer come out for some of the songs. It was pretty much beyond words. I'll just leave it at the fact that it was the best concert that I had ever been to (jazz or otherwise).

Then on Saturday, we went over to see my grandparents which is always a treat and then went shopping for an outfit for me to perform in. Perform open heart surgery I mean. Just kidding, we actually ended up just getting an outfit for me to wear for the Concerto Concert which by the way is coming up quickly. yowzas! I'm excited! Then after that we ended up going to see the Ballet. They performed Prokofiev's Cinderella and it was gorgeous. The denver center just built a new opera house which is also where the ballet performs and it's amazing in there. All of the seat backs have these little computer screens that give the synopsis of what is going on during the ballet and should you be seeing an opera, it would give the translation. Neato!

Oh my goodness also when we were out shopping, I ran into an old friend from high school that I hadn't seen for a really long time. And she apparently is getting married at the end of next month. It was kind of weird, I have a hard time getting super girly excited about things like that. For whatever reason, the first thought that pops into my head is "why?" Which makes me sound like I have no heart at all. Maybe I just feel like I'm so young and don't have any prospect for that sort of thing that it's hard for me to understand. I never really pictured marriage being a huge deal in my life. Honestly it's easier for me to picture myself as a 30 something that's still single than it is for me to picture myself married. I know that's pretty weird, but eh, someone's gotta be the crazy old single lady down the street that the neighborhood kids talk about right?

Well anyway, so that was pretty much my weekend. Today I made up my resume and have been doing some internship hunting. I have an interview tomorrow so pray for that. I'm excited to see where God takes me with this internship. On another note, I wrote out my support letters for Peru, which I will address and stamp tonight and we'll see from there. Oh yeah, I also randomly printed out an application for mission work with the Lutheran church. Basically, I'm going to send it in and if something comes up, then it will come up. I put on there that I am interested in Latin America and available in June of 2007. There are some churches in Venezuela. I've always wanted to go visit there. Who knows what will happen.

I surely don't know. I'm just interested to see how things turn out.

Thank you Mario, but our princess is in another castle!

what is it about getting away? the simple act of just removing yourself from a location obviously won't solve a problem, unless the problem lies within the location. For instance, should you happen to be standing knee deep in a tank full of leeches, then removing yourself from that location will probably help alot. But other than that, really. We try so hard to deal with the struggles of everyday life, to deal with work, school, family, friends, and everything else in between and then eventually, as if we didn't know it before, we find that we can't. We just go until we get to that place where you just "have to get away."
I think I've reached it. I'm ready for Spring Break, I'm ready to go home and not worry about my Anderson life. Sometimes I feel like I kind of live in two different worlds. When I'm home, I'm home and my Colorado life is my Colorado life and every pressure or struggle or whatever from my South Carolina life can't touch me. I of course realize that I have to keep up with the South Carolina world because those pressures will still be there when I get back, but it's like I'm Mario, when he gets the star for a little bit. You can just fly through the level. Who cares about the goombas or the Koopa Troopas, they can't touch you when you're invincibile.
So that's basically what my plane ticket home is. My temporary invincibility. As whatever as it is to move 1500 miles away to go to college, sometimes it's really nice to know that my South Carolina world is far enough away that I can escape it when I need to, but also to know that it and the people in that world will still be there for me when I need it and them to be.

so that's my first thought of the day, just the whole "I'm ready to go" thought, and I suppose my next thought somewhat stems from that. So...I'm getting older and I, naturally, have grown as a person. I was reflecting today now that I am a senior junior (I technically have the credit hours for a senior, but I will graduate still in a year) and it's really interesting to me to see how my outlook on alot of things has changed. I've always kind of been the uptight one when it comes to schoolwork and my future and though I believe that that side of me has served me well. I'm not sure I would have tried so hard in different things if I wasn't that uptight about grades. Well, I feel like I've loosened up alot as far as my future plans go. Before, I would absolutely freak out about not knowing where I was going to end up in life, or if I didn't know every last iota of information about what was going to happen. But now, I don't know...it's just different. I'm not concerned so much about knowing exactly where I will be and what I will be doing in 2 years and all that stuff. I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen. I might end up doing interior design, I might find something else to do and never look back. mission work has been on my heart alot. Maybe not as a lifetime thing, but definitely for a few months or years or decades...who knows. Sometimes I try to think about what I would do differently if I could start all over with the college search and major/minor decision and everything, but everytime I come up with the same conclusion- I don't think I would change anything. Maybe I won't end up in Interior design, but that doesn't make my experiences these past 3 years pointless. I guess I just don't see the benefit in starting over, when I can just build on to what I already have. I think I picture it kind of like a house. My house so far has been great, exactly what I've needed, but maybe (in the not too distant future) I'm going to need something different or bigger or...whatever, so why should I move to a new house that won't contain the same features of my old house that I might still end up using later? Just add on! Besides...that saves the trouble of getting a realtor anyway. So that's my second thought of the day. Basically, I'm ok with not knowing, and I actually somewhat enjoy the not knowing (much to my former self's surprise). Who knows?