What the heck is "Auld Lang Syne" anyway?

So here I am, sitting at my computer on the very last day of 2004, not really breathing well because I'm sick, wishing I were well. It seems to be an appropriate time for reflection. But honestly, this year was... just another year. I can basically divide it up into 3 sections, The second half of my freshman year, which was fun and it was a good semester; My summer, which again was good, I spent the majority of it working 2 jobs and I took a biology class; and the first semester of my sophomore, which I like to refer to as the black spot. This last semester actually was pretty terrible for me (see first blog post) and if I were to sum up this entire year, I'd probably just say that I worked the year away. I don't really have any regrets or anything, it was a decent year, just kind of there. Ok well that's enough reflecting now. On to the other tradition of New Years- Resolutions. I don't really make a list, I'm honestly just thinking about these as I go, but I suppose for this next year there are some things I want to accomplish:
1) Have a better semester, focus intently on interior design and not let Ms. Martin be the death of me.
2) Go to Italy- or at least put forth a good effort to, but if it's not what God wants, then I won't
3) Get my financial life on the right track so I'm well prepared for...well, life.
3) Try to find an internship this summer, or at least make decent contacts
4) Not do any of these goals nor anything else without the absolute aide of God. I can't do it alone.

That's pretty much it I suppose. Tonight, my best friends and I and a bunch of other friends too are going out to dinner downtown, and then every year, Denver shoots off fireworks from a building Downtown so we're going to go watch that. And then, *sniff* I leave to go back to Anderson tomorrow. This break was not really a true break, I feel like I didn't spend nearly as much time home as I wanted to, but I guess that's the way the cookie crumbles. This next semester will be interesting, I have a feeling it's either going to be a great semester, or another terrible one. Let's hope for the former. Anderson people, I'll see you soon, Coloradoans and everyone else, I'll miss you, but will be back! Happy New Year's to all, I hope that God will bless the upcoming year for you and your families!

P.s. You wanna know what Auld Lang Syne is? Well, It turns out that "Auld Lang Syne" is an extremely old Scottish song that was first written down in the 1700s. Robert Burns is the person whose transcription got the most attention, so the song is associated with him.
According to this page, a good translation of the words "auld lang syne" is "times gone by." So (incorporating a couple of other translations) when we sing this song, we are saying, "We'll drink a cup of kindness yet for times gone by."

O Happy Day...

Not too much to write today, but I just wanted to share my happiness. Today I had lunch with a lady named Paula Bock, she's an interior designer here in Denver and her firm does commercial design, namely high end athletic clubs all over. They have offices in Denver, Orlando, Tokyo, and Cairo. I just wanted to meet with her to sort of get a head start on things, you know get my foot in the door and everything. So the lunch went very well, I learned alot and she gave me a tour of the design offices. I was on cloud 9 the entire time, I really felt like I caught a good glimpse of my future and here's the best part- She asked when I would be available for an internship and she said to give her a call when I was ready to get one!!!!!!!!! (I could put more exclamation marks, but I don't think they could contain the happiness I have right now) Ok! So anyway, I'm really happy and motivated now and I was bursting at the seams to share the happy news. Alright, that's it for now, thanks for reading my happy news. The End.

All I ask is every waking moment, turn my head with talk of summertime...

Even though I'm still on the verge of being sick, I must say that there is no finer medicine than good friends and good music. I went to the movies tonight with my friends and we saw the Phantom of the Opera. It was simply phenomenal. Gaston Leroux wrote the original book, I recommend the book before the movie since you'll follow the plot better. It's a great book too, really exciting to read. I saw the actual show when it came to Denver a long time ago, I was little, but I loved it back then too. This movie though really exceeded my expectations. The acting was magnificent, the singers were great, although I wasn't completely sold on the Phantom in the beginning but once you begin to see his character more, you understand that the singing truly fits the part Gerard Butler plays, but I must say that probably one of the best scenes was the duet between Christine and Raoul- All I ask of You. I never really liked the character of Raoul before, but oh man, the actor in the movie played him so very well. Ok well I should quit rambling about this movie now, but seriously, if you don't want to spend 50 bucks to see it on stage, see the movie...but only after you read the book. Then go buy me the soundtrack.
Tomorrow, I'm meeting with my uncle and his...um "friend?" Paula for lunch. This woman friend (I hesitate to call her a girlfriend) is an Interior Designer here in good old Downtown Denver and I'm trying to get my foot in the door. She does commercial design as far as I know, but hey, it's a start. Sometimes, I freak myself out because I don't feel like I'm doing enough to advance my career and I get scared that I'm going to suck at life and never find a job because I didn't do enough to prepare. That's when I have to take a slight step back and realize that I'm 19 and I've only completed 3 of 8 semesters and I don't need to freak out yet, because I'm pretty sure I'm doing alot already. But oh well, I'd rather be overprepared than not prepared at all. I'm going to call it a night and go think of questions that I want to ask this lady. Plus I'm starting to get woozy from the medicine. I'm praying for you all. I hope everyone has a wonderful New Year's weekend!

The Nighttime sniffling, sneezing, coughing, blah blah blah...

I'm on the verge of being sick. I hate it. Everything is almost there, I almost have a sore throat, I almost have a cough, I almost have a stuffy nose. Not that I want a full any of those, but since my immune system is fighting being sick, I in turn am feeling tired and stiff and weak. This isn't good. So forgive me if my thoughts are a little scattered tonight, it's the Nyquil talking.

This week has been interesting so far, especially with people. Sometimes I wonder about some of my friends about why we're friends, and if they are true friends, Some people come and go, and I'm ok with that. I don't like holding on to things or getting too attached. Some people may see that as me blocking off emotions, and I suppose it's partially true. I don't want to get hurt, I try to protect my feelings. I think sometimes people see me as not very sensitive. And that's pretty true, I try to let alot of things that don't really seem to matter go. Not to say that I'm completely emotionally detached. Sometimes when people say or do things, it does get to me a little, sometimes even a lot, but I try to put on a game face, say it doesn't bother me. I think I'm good at that. Usually it ends up not bothering me in the end, which is a good thing I suppose, but sometimes I wonder if I should let everything go. I'd like to think I have a decent sense of discernment about what's important. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I did let things get to me a little more rather than just saying "I'm fine" even if I'm really not. Nevermind, I don't really know what I'm saying...

Tonight I was looking through an old journal I had in high school. It was kind of interesting. It was funny seeing what I considered problems at the time. Problems that aren't worth a grain of salt now, but seemed much more important back then. But then some problems are the same problems that I face today, stress about school, keeping up my grades, and fully relying on God. I also found my entries when my Grandpa Baikie was diagnosed with lukemia. That was a rough time, He died back in 2000, so it was awhile ago, but I was only 15, and that was the first person that was really close to me that died. I've honestly had the cushiest life ever. I've told some people this before, but I feel like I've skated through my entire life, but I also feel very humbled by it, I know more than anyone that I don't deserve even a shred of it. God's blessed me so much and I can't do anything but thank Him profusely, and do my best to serve Him in all I do. Well on that note, I think it's time I end my entry for tonight. Good Night everyone.

Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name...

I'm taking a break from the craziness profiles for tonight. But so as not to leave anyone hanging, Daniel did get a canoli for Christmas. =) I love my family.

Anyway, today has been a somewhat long day, but a very good day. My best friend Missy and her siblings, Erik and Joleen got here safely tonight. The Siefkes are my second family, Missy and our other friend Ruth and I have been best friends for about 10 years or so now. *I'm feeling old right now* And the summer after our Junior year of high school, They moved away to Minnesota. It was terribly sad. Ruth and I cried for about 2 days straight when we found out she was moving. Moving may not seem like such a big deal to some, but Missy and Ruth and I have a special type of friendship. In the 10 yrs we've known each other, we haven't ever fought once, it was always the 3 of us, If a teacher needed to find us, she could just look for the other 2. So anyway, since we don't see Missy that often, any time we get to spend with her is great. So they made it safely and alot of our friends from school and church and everywhere in between got together and had dinner tonight at one of our favorite restaurants. It was soooooo much fun, I love my friends very much and I love hanging out with them when I can. So Missy will be here for the week and then I can't believe it, but I leave for school again on the first. Blech, but I have to go back early, because I'm trying to get a job at the hospital since I can't work in admissions this semester. Stupid schedule. Oh well. Pray for me that I get this job, because I really really need it. God will provide.

That's about it for now, oh and a big congrats to my best friend Ruth and her boyfriend Jon. They're celebrating a one year anniversary tomorrow. You two kids...*sniff* Just kidding. Love you!

Profiles in Craziness, part 3

Ok, today's profile will be a little bit different format. Today, the women of the Cordova family went to have afternoon tea at a little English tea house in Colorado. 'Why' you ask? You got me. My dear Aunt Stephanie decided about 4 or 5 years ago that our family didn't have any Christmas traditions. I personally thought the whole spending christmas together at Grandma's house was the tradition part, but I'm no tradition aficionado so who am I to name them. So since we didn't have a proper family tradition, my aunt went with the most obvious choice...Have the women of the family dress up and attend high tea at an English tea house! Don't ask me. Here's what you need to know about our family though...We're not refined people. We're super loud, and we don't practice etiquette on a regular basis, so you can imagine what 8 or 9 Cordova family women were like at the very first Christmas High Tea. The first one we went to was at the Brown Palace Hotel, which is probably the ritziest hotel in Downtown Denver. It's where the President stays when he comes to Colorado. So 8 or 9 loud, somewhat out of place women at the fanciest hotel in Colorado...recipe for a sitcom? Yeah, welcome to my life. Tea was, of course, spilled; sugar was knocked over; My cousin who was about 8 at the time broke an ornament off one of the fancy lobby trees. And just to demonstrate our family's refinement: The jelly was served in tiny individual jars, so my Grandma asked for extra then proceeded to put them all in her purse, because "That jelly is good stuff, and it's expensive!" The jelly was soon followed by the extra scones wrapped up in a napkin. Yes, this is my family. I should be ashamed, I should be embarassed, but I can't be, it's just too funny. So today was another high tea (different tea house- they blacklisted us at the Brown Palace) my aunt spilled tea again, but it wasn't too bad today. I hope everyone is having a great Christmas Eve! Merry Christmas!!!

Profiles in Craziness, part 2

Last night I told you about my grandpa, so naturally profiling my grandma seems to follow suit.
Jeanne Cordova, has also led quite an interesting life. She had somewhat of a rough past though. She was born (unforunately out of wedlock) to Helen Shue (at the time a young missionary girl to those savages aka Hopi Indians) and her father was the son of the Hopi Indian Chief who did some pretty great things in Washington for the Hopi tribe. Helen Shue raised my grandma on her own, and my grandmother certainly had some wild days. She settled down after she married my granpda though, and actually made a big turn around from her old days. My grandma has done some amazing things for tons of people. She began her mission "Roadrunner for Christ" back in the 80s. Roadrunner is what her Hopi name translates to. Anyway, this mission was run pretty much completely out of my grandparents house since its beginnings. My grandma collects food and clothing and toys from everywhere and back in her prime days of retirement, she would make 2 or 3 trips a month down to the poor people in Mexico and from the Hopi tribe in Arizona. She had this big 15 passenger van that she would take the stuff down in, and for awhile, my grandparents ran the whole show. When we were kids and spent time at their house, we always had to pack boxes or load up vans, or sort clothes. There were always boxes of donated items stacked inside their house. We actually used to go down there to Mexico alot too. They were different types of vacations, but I really appreciate it now. Well Roadrunner for Christ is still going strong, but my grandma doesn't really run it anymore. Unfortunately my Grandma is in the second of three stages of Alzheimer's. She's not completely gone yet, but she is definitely not anywhere near what she was. For those that may not know, Alzheimer's isn't just forgetting names and things. When you've had it for awhile, you eventually forget how to formulate sentences correctly and everyday tasks, sometimes things like telling time. It's really a hard disease to watch take over someone. especially for someone like my grandmother that was always so much of a leader, she was very independent and sharp. Now she almost completely relies on others for just about everything. It's hard to see the woman that had a big part in raising me revert back to needing as much care as a child does. But, my grandmother is still a big part of my life, and many others too. The complete selflessness that she's shown throughout her ministry never ceases to amaze me. When I was a kid, I really despised having to get up early on saturdays so the whole family could go help load up a van, but when I look back at all the good she's done for "her people" (she calls the Hopi tribe that) I makes me want to have even just a fraction of her character. So, there you have it folks, My grandma.

P.s. On a more humorous note, Alzheimer's can be funny at times too. Christmas gifts from her are always an experience. Last year, my 12 year old cousin Nicole got a set of Kitchen towels...straight from Grandma's kitchen. =) Always look for the humor in things.

Profiles in Craziness, part 1

I tell people often that my family means more to me than anything else on this earth. Next to Jesus, I love my family more than anything. So with that said, I have decided to document various members of my crazy family, and let everyone know why I love these people so much. Tonight, I bring you, my Grandpa.

Gilbert Cordova is the oldest of 9 children in a Spanish family. He's about 78, but I don't think he looks it. Parts of his past are pretty interesting actually. He actually used to run with a Hispanic gang in Denver when he was a teen. Nothing too severe, just some minor troublemaking. But when my cousin asked him if he carried any weapons, he replied "Just a switchblade." My Grandpa (and grandma) had a big part in raising me and my brother and cousins as well. They used to pick us up from school and we also used to spend our summers over there because our parents worked. My granpa was a depression era kid and he was big on resourcefulness and cheap fun. We didn't watch too much TV, so my cousins and I learned to be imaginative and creative in our games, and boy did we have some crazy ones. Anyway, my grandpa is also a very hilarious person, sometimes unintentionally, but very funny nonetheless. One of my favorite things about my Grandpa is that when anything goes wrong, even if it's really minor, he'll say "Oh Cute, Real Cute" Unfortunately, a blog cannot give the proper inflection, but the way he says it cracks me up every time. Here's a more recent story of his humor. Every Tuesday, my aunt's family and grandparents go to a pizza place in town called The Subway. Well one Tuesday around Christmastime last year, my grandpa asked my cousin Danny what he wanted for Christmas. My cousin replied "A Canoli" because he thought my granpda asked what he was having for dinner. They all had a good laugh over that one and come Christmastime, when my cousin opened his nicely wrapped gift box, there it was, a Canoli. It was pretty funny, but not quite as funny as when my grandpa gave him the same thing for his birthday in October. Danny will most likely get a canoli this Christmas again. I could go on and on about my Grandpa and why I love him, but for brevity's sake I think I'll conclude tonight's profile. However, I will leave you with one final thought that my grandpa provided at dinner tonight. My family and aunt's family and uncle and grandparents were sitting at the dinner table today at the Subway and somehow we got on the subject of birthdays, someone made the comment of how my grandpa was getting up there in age, and the rest of the conversation went something like this:
Grandpa: "I'm not getting old, I'm still climbing up the hill."
My Mom: "Yeah right, more like rolling down the other side."
Grandpa: "At least I'm not under it."

FIIIIVE Days till Christmas...

Wow, it's that time of year again. The time when there's only five days left until Christmas and Gillian still has alot of shopping to do...yay. Just kidding. Well, today was a pretty good day, a lot of things happened, but none were too connected. Here's a quick recap:

1) I drove everybody to the airport to conclude the 2004 Colorado trip. It was...enlightening.
2) While at the airport at the curbside check-in, I fell. Out of nowhere, I was just walking and fell down. I didn't trip on anything, I just fell. It was random and somewhat embarrassing, but hey, what else is new?
3) I went out for a very pleasant lunch with my mom where we discussed many things. I love my mom.
4) I met up with some friends that I haven't seen in a long time and enjoyed sharing some coffee with them. I also found out that my good friend David Boulee now goes to college in Charlotte which is only 2 hours away from Anderson, so hopefully I'll be able to see him more during the school year.
5) I saw Ocean's Twelve with my good friends Amanda and Derrek. We had a great time and the movie wasn't half bad either.

So that was my good day today. I had some other more solemn things on my mind today, but not things that could outweigh the great day I had. Today was the kind of day that you can go to bed with a very contented smile on your face because you shared good times with the people you love. Who can ask for anything more? Good night to all!

Ok, so it's been a few days since I posted last, and I think I'm about due for an update since that last post. Like I said, it was a very self-centered post, but it was fairly relieving to write it down, even though I was in a not so happy mood at the time. But, here's what's happened since then. I went to the Advent service at Risen Christ Lutheran church here in Colorado and once again, God provided me with exactly what I needed. It was such a good church service and I had the great privilege of going with my parents and my two good friends David and Diana. For those of you who may not know. Advent is the four weeks before Christmas that is meant to be a time of preparation for the coming of the Savior. During the service, I started thinking about how advent would tie into what I had been feeling. So what did I figure out? WELL, Advent is a time to prepare your heart, right? Prepare it for what? For the coming of Christ. The coming of Salvation. Not at all saying that we can prepare our own hearts for salvation, only Christ can give salvation and wash away all of our sins and shortcomings, what do I do? Well other than preparing to offer my life, I can't do anything. The comments that I got from the last post were exactly the reminders that I needed. One of the hymns we sang at the Advent service was Lift Up Your Heads Ye Mighty Gates, I'm pretty sure not many people are familiar with this one but one of the verses is:
Fling wide the portals of your heart,
Make it a temple set apart
From earthly use for Heaven's employ,
Adorned with prayer, and love, and joy.
Hymns are such a blessing to me. There is so much depth to so many different hymns. Words of comfort, encouragement, and words that focus my attention back to God. If you don't pay attention to the words when you sing hymns, try it. The only way that I can think to describe it is a blessing. So, anyway, the church service was amazing and I am not wallowing anymore. Thank you David and Collin, you guys are both amazing friends and I really appreciate everything. Jeff, I look forward to hearing from you soon, I pray that your surgery went well and I really can't wait to see the bowl cut =D I hope everyone is doing very well, and remember God's goodness always.

Old Before My Time...

So...I've had lots of thoughts running through my head tonight and the past few days or so. It's been one of those days today when you're just sort of...melancholy I suppose would be an adequate word. I don't know. Do you ever wonder why you are you and why you turned out the way you did? Well next question, do you ever not like who you've become? Sometimes I'll take a step back from my life and all I feel like doing is shaking my head at myself because I'm not happy with me. Oh I'm not saying I hate myself. But on a whole, I think I'm getting frustrated with me. I have no idea why. I don't really even know what I'm trying to say. I think when I say I'm frustrated, part of that frustration comes from the fact that I feel like I should be better. That I'm not smart enough, or kind enough, or whatever enough. I want to do great things, I want to be remembered. I'm not saying I want to be a celebrity of any sort, but I want to make an impact on someone's life. I want to be a great daughter, and a great friend, and a great student. But I also feel like however I'm living my life right now, it's just...not enough. I guess I'm just unhappy with what I see as my shortcomings. I've really noticed that this past semester, exactly how not capable I am. I'm not saying that I want to do everything myself, I know I can't do anything myself, God's the only reason for my living in the first place. But I feel like even on my Christian walk, I'm just...not there. I don't want to say that I've been really discouraged lately, but part of me feels like I haven't been encouraged either, by anyone really. I'm not saying that I need everyone to tell me how wonderful I am all the time. I know I'm not. Let's see if I can explain this better, well, I guess It's just kind of been a bit lonely these past 4 months or so. I understand completely that it was entirely my fault. I tried to do it all, and I was constantly running from here to there, and I saw my friends as much as possible, but sometimes it felt like I was only getting told by various people "Gee Gillian, you need to do this, or you need to take care of that, or you shouldn't do this that or the other thing" Truthfully, I was telling myself those things the majority of the time. I've been told I'm too hard on myself. Am I? I said before I want to do something great that will impact somebody, but I think a big part of my frustration with me comes from the fact that I partially feel like I might not have it in me to be great in any sense of the word. And that frustrates/scares me. I feel like I may just be working in vain, that I'm never going to be any of those things, especially with who I am. So...who am I?
This post has been very self-centered and I apologize to whomever may be reading this, I hope that my thoughts won't be miscontrued in any way. These were just some thoughts that have been running through my head and I felt like I needed to get them out.

(Insert witty title here)

Well Folks, I made it safe and sound. A few near misses along the way, I was run off the road by a mac truck (again), and a deer decided to take a nice long stroll across I-70 at 8:30 and stopped in the middle of the road to enjoy the scenery of Kansas. She bounded off at the last possible second before I braked hard. I would have hit her going about 45 miles an hour, so lucky for everyone that the deer moved. Oh and these two incidents happend within 7 minutes of each other. Just when I thought my heart rate had come down a little from the truck, the deer shoots it back up to about 250. I hate Kansas by the way.
Oh well, we're all safe and sound now in my lovely Colorado home...
I'm trying to think if I had anything deep or important to say. I got some thinking done on the 25 hour road trip, of which I drove about 17 hours of it. Blech, I hate driving that much. I also listened to a lot of CDs But, I digress. But not too much, because even though I got a lot of thinking done on the road trip, none of it was too deep, but I do need to start figuring out what I'm doing this summer. I really really really want to go to Italy. Specfically Cortona, Italy to study with the University of Georgia's summer program. I've wanted to go to Italy since I don't know how long, and this would be an amazing opportunity to go there. But I have a lot of things to figure out. And then, I just found out that there is going to be an RUF missions trip to Peru in May. My best friend is from Peru and I went with her there when I was about 15, and I have been really wanting to go back. So...I have a lot of praying to do to figure out Number 1, Does God want me to go on this missions trip, and Number 2, how I'm going to be able to pay for either thing. I'm not really concerned though about number 2 because I know that God will provide for whichever one he wants me to go to. I just have to figure out which one he's telling me to go to. Sigh...is it wrong if I hope it's both? =) Anyway, that's the big issue in my life right now...Not a very big one at all. I've realized that I don't really have much drama in my life at all. I don't know if that's because I'm oblivious, or if I ignore alot of potential drama, or if there's just no drama to be had. Maybe a combination, hmm... I'll take any guesses. Anyway, I'm going to go snuggle up in my wonderfully comfortable non Anderson College mattress, with my favorite stuffed animal Butterbear (I'll have to write about him later) and drift off into the most wonderful REM sleep ever, because I am home, and I am done with the semester from you know where, and I have an entire month, to just enjoy everything. **Big Sigh of Contentment** Good night!

Kentucky is for Lovers

Here I sit in the lobby of the Holiday Inn express in Paducah, Kentucky. I have been sitting in the driver's seat of my little Honda Civic since 1:00 this afternoon when I left AC. It's now 11:41 and I got out of that little Honda Civic about 15 minutes ago. Hooray for roadtrips...
Well guys, I've finished the semester from Hell. I was thisclose to entitling this entry "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead" because that is the song that is currently going through my mind. But I did finish up my History final today at 10:00, I'm pretty sure I failed it, and that is why I, Gillian Baikie, have a black spot on my report card. I know, I know, C's get degrees. But still...it stings a little, I got my first C. But the other side of me says "Hey guess what? I don't care." And I think I'm gonna go hang out with that side of me more. Sigh, oh well, I guess I can't do anything about it now. I regret getting a C, but I don't think I truthfully could have put much more into it than I did. Anyway, after the test that made me want to shove a pencil in my eye, I had a very nice lunch with my friend Collin. It was really good, I hadn't hung out with him for awhile so it was nice to be able to sit down and spend some time with him. I always enjoy our conversations, he understands me well. And then, after my pleasant lunch, I realized that I talked way too much and I only left myself an hour to pack when I was supposed to give myself almost two. It was a little hectic, but hey, Jeanine and my mom and I are blazing down the open road at lightning speed, mostly because I drive really fast on road trips. I figure, the faster I drive, the faster I get home and can get out of the car. So that's been my day. I'm pretty longwinded today, but hey, those of you that know me, what else is new? I'll be home hopefully tomorrow by midnight if we make good time (i.e. speed) and then my crazy friends come out on Monday. Can't wait! Hope everyone has a wonderful day, and if I won't be seeing you for a month, drop me a comment so I know you're alive.
Gigathee (that was my grandma's nickname
for me... I have no idea why)

Go Go Gadget Arms....

Just a little more, I'm so close to being done...

This morning I woke up at 9:30 so I could be at church by 10:10 for our choir warm up. Well I get all ready to go and as I'm about to walk out the door, I looked at the living room clock and it read 8:50, so I stopped and stared at the clock for awhile, yep it was 8:50. Apparently I accidentally set my room clock an hour ahead last night. Frickin IDIOT! Oh well, it's alright, It gave me an extra hour to do some homework.

Last night was the Christmas Formal here at Anderson. It was soo much fun. It was my first formal, I've been to dances before, but not formal ones so it was great. DJ Damon wasn't the hottest, but it wasn't too terrible. I love dancing so much, not that I'm great at it, but I definitely love it. It's so much fun to just let loose and not really care what anyone else has to say or think, because most of the time, they're doing the same thing. And if anyone saw me last night, well, that's pretty much what I did. Disclaimer: I don't normally act like that =) Just kidding. I really enjoyed the people that were there too. Alot of my friends were there too which made it more fun. My suitemates and Diana ended up going even though they said they wouldn't. Ashley West broke out the Scientist dance, among other favorites which we laughed at and had a great time making up new ones. David went, even though he swore up and down he wasn't going, he still broke out the moves for Dancing Queen, and Jeff went and shook his groove thang in a way only Jeff could. It was great. I think everyone needed the break from school too, I know I did. Afterwards we ended up at Denny's (go figure) and had a grand old time. But alas, Midnight has struck and it's back to reality. I have about 1000000000 things to do in about 4 days. I'm trying not to freak out because freaking out never helped anyone or anything, but I definitely have to work hard this week. Alright well that's about it, I didn't really have anything important to say today, but I wanted to recount last night. I hope everyone has a great day and if you take finals this week, Good luck!!!

Greetings From Rainey!

So here I am, in the Graphic design lab once again working myself to death. Well, just sleepiness really. So you may be wondering, why I am writing in my blog if I have a Color theory project due tomorrow. The answer...Not sure. But I'm taking a break and collecting my thoughts. Not that I really have many thoughts today, It's been kind of a crazy week. Once this week is through I will be able to breathe a little. Here's what the week looks like: 2 projects, 5 Christmas parties, 2 concerts, 2 dress rehearsals, a christmas formal, an Advent Church service, a baby shower, a couple lunch meetings, and I'm not 100% sure, but I think there's a partridge in a pear tree involved somehow. But after that, I have finals and precisely 4 days to get my life in complete order before I pack up and head back home to the Mile high city. I'm thrilled beyond all belief, but there's definitely some anxiety as to whether or not I can do it all. But hey, I've been through worse and all I can give is my best. Phew...
Well anyway, on a more serious note, I talked with my cousin the other night on the instant messenger, and she's going through a tough time right now called Junior High. She's in 7th grade right now, and I don't know if you guys remember what jr. high was like, but here's a little flashback...it sucks. It is quite possibly the worst, most awkward, confusing, and emotional time of anyone's life and she's going through alot right now. I'm not going to go into details, but she's had a somewhat rough life. My aunt made some mistakes in her past, and though she's rebounded from them now, she's still having to pay some of the consequences and those consequences are hitting my cousins kind of hard. My cousin is just hurting right now, and that's hard for me to watch too. My little cousin that I have watched grow up is experiencing things that I never have and never will have to experience. I don't know exactly how to help either. I just want her to stop hurting and experience true joy again. I don't know, sometimes I feel like I don't know how to relate. I have honestly been sooo spoiled in my life. God has handed everything to me on a silver platter. I come from an amazing family that loves me and I love them all very dearly, I went to a great school where I got a fantastic education, I've had good health my entire life, I've never lost anyone close to me, and I am just ridiculously blessed. I'm so thankful and humbled by how amazing God has been to me, but I feel sometimes if for instance if I'm talking with someone who is struggling with a bad family situation or whatever I don't know how to relate. I want to help and give advice, but sometimes I feel like all I can give is some scripture verse, which I know I know, what's better than scripture? But sometimes I feel like people look at me like a Bible on tape that isn't necessarily connected to reality. Sometimes I wonder if it's really helpful to people...I don't know. But anyway, if anybody is reading this, please pray for my cousin and well her whole family that they can just get past the anger and hurt.

Planes, Trains, and automobiles (but mostly planes and automobiles)

Today while cruising steadily at an alititude of 33,000 feet, I was asked if I had ever fallen in love. Pretty random, huh? I guess it's really not that weird of a question. The guy I was sitting next to and I were talking and he asked me about school and what I was studying, and If I had fallen in love yet. What is love anyway? There's not really a single clear cut answer. If you ask 1o different people what love is, you'll get 10 different answers. At best, it's complicated. But since the man I was sitting next to meant love in the romantic sense, I had to say no. To be Honest, I've never even come relatively close to falling in love. I've never been in any sort of position to. I've never had a boyfriend, I've never held hands with a guy, or kissed a guy, I've never been asked out on a date. And as far as I can tell, I don't even think a guy has ever liked me in *ahem* "that" way (some of my suitemates would disagree, but we won't discuss that) It's funny when I tell that to people, you can definitely tell they are wondering what on earth could possibly be wrong with me. Nothing's wrong with me, at least as far as I know. God in His infinite wisdom has decided that in my life, it would be better if I weren't in a relationship, thus far anyway, and I'm more than content with the plan that God has chosen for me. Do I wish I had somebody, Am I lonely? Hmm...tough call, being in a godly relationship can bring you such joy, and should strengthen your relationship with God. And yes, there are times when I wish that I could share my life with someone else and experience that joy. But, I don't want to compromise a blessing that God might have in store for me in the future because I'm impatient and not fully finding joy in God alone. Do I want to fall in love? Oh sure, who doesn't? But, I'm not going to search high and low for someone to fall in love with, because if it's God's will, it will happen at exactly the right moment. I'm more than happy to wait for God's perfect plan to reveal itself, and if God's planned for me to fall in love with someone (or even just get asked out, or be in a relationship) then it will happen when He wants it to. So in the meantime, No, I have not fallen in love with anybody, but if I ever do, it will be only because that's what God has ordained in my life and nothing else.

A nice conversation, and a near death experience...

I think the reason why I love going home so much, aside from seeing all those that I love, is that pretty much every day I have is a really good day. I don't know if that's because I've created this utopian vision of what my home is and I just can't see any bad in it, or if everything is just really that good, but either way, I had another super day.
Today, I was sitting in Starbucks doing some homework and just chilling out alone. It was pretty crowded in there and I don't think there were any tables left, and this man who looked like he was about 45 or 50 asked me if I minded if he sat at my table. Normally, you'd think "Ew gross, some old pervert is trying to hit on you" But it wasn't like that, he just needed a place to sit. So we got to talking in between me doing my homework and his working on learning the Korean language. He was trying to learn Korean because he knew a Korean guy at work. He worked at a mail place, and said that he liked it sometimes, but most of the time it was kind of boring. He asked me what I was studying in school, and if I had a good Thanksgiving, I asked him about his thanksgiving and he told me that he and his 3 roommates shared a thanksgiving dinner. He isn't married, but all his roommates were gone, and he doesn't like being alone. We didn't even exchange names until the middle of the conversation, but after we did, he kept calling me by name. He treated me as if we were old friends just catching up. It actually turned out to be a pleasant experience. You could just tell though that he was really lonely. After about maybe 30 minutes or so, he had to go, he wished me the best of luck in school and said it was really nice meeting me. He went on his way and then I started thinking. I just started thinking about how many lonely people there are in the world, and how even though this man Mark was a complete stranger, hopefully it brought a little comfort to his life. It was just one of those experiences where it was kind of random, but you're definitely glad it happens. It just reminded me how as Christians, we definitely need to be a light in the darkness, and even if we don't expect some things to happen, when they do we can spread the Gospel and show God's love, even in the seemingly smallest of ways.

Oh yeah, I also nearly died tonight by almost falling down the stairs backwards with a glass of blue kool-aid, a pair of scissors and a tube of wrapping paper in my hands. I'll be happy to re-enact it if anybody wants to know how I practically perished.

*Sigh of Contentment*

I don't know about you guys, but today was a very good day. Here's a recap, because I'm sure all of you care...

My "Good Day" morning started off with a white chocolate mocha and a bagel from the best coffee shop in Colorado, and quite possibly the world: Coffee on the Lowell. If you haven't been there before, bad for you, you are truly missing out. If you want to go there, call me so I can go to.

After Coffee on the Lowell, I went to the Colorado Mills Mall to look for a dress. Well wouldn't you know it, in only the 3rd store I went into I found a really pretty dress. Checked the price tag, it was cheaper than I thought, Tried it on, Bob's your uncle, now I have something decent to wear to the Christmas formal.

Then I had Dollar-a-scoop Chinese for lunch once again it was wonderful, I got my pictures developed, and then my dear sweet mom surprised me by scheduling a one hour professional massage for me. It was fantastic!

Then, probably the best part of my day, I got to spend time with my best friend Ruth. She and her boyfriend Jon and I all met for dinner at chili's and then we went to go see the Incredibles. What I love most about our friendship is that we can always pick up where we left off, even if we haven't seen or talked to each other in 4 months. It's always been Ruth and Missy and I. We've been best friends for about 10 years now and God has truly blessed me with such wonderful best friends. I love them dearly and I miss them terribly during the year, but it was soo good to see Ruth again (Missy lives in Minnesota, so I don't see her as much but I'll see her for New Years!!)

So that was my very good day, as you can tell, it was very good. I hope that you guys have great days too, and then post comments about how great they were! Bye!

Two posts in one day? You Betcha!

So Thanksgiving is officially over for me and my family. It was simply divine. I love my family more than anything else on earth. I love spending time with them and all the craziness that usually results. Here are just a few reasons why I love my family:

1) My mom is one of 6 kids and all but 2 live here in Colorado. We all live within about 15 minutes of each other. We had and 18 person Thanksgiving feast today and we were missing some people (this was one of our smaller years) and that's just my mom's immediate family- minus my brother who I miss dearly because he is in England

2) My family is loud, and for those of you that know me, I'm sure you will realize that the apple does not fall far from the tree

3) Since my family is loud, we all feel that we must speak louder to be heard. However, most of the time, we can't hear each other, so conversations will usually spiral out of control and very loudly too. For instance:

Uncle Randy: Hey, Alex (other unmarried uncle) When are you going to get a girlfriend?
Aunt Stephanie: Alex has a girlfriend?!?
Uncle Randy: (Jokingly) Yeah, isn't her name Hilga?
My Mom: Alex has a German Girlfriend named Hilga?!?!?
Aunt Connie: Who's going to Germany?
Grandma: We can't go to Germany! We don't have the money!!!!
Grandpa: I'm not going to Germany You can't make me!!!!
My Dad (quite possibly the only sensible one in the whole group): Everybody Calm Down! Alex doesn't have a German Girlfriend, Her name is not Hilga, and Calm down Grandma and Grandpa, we're not going to make you go to Germany!

I do not lie about the previous exmple it happened today at dinner.

4) Sitting around after everybody is stuffed while everyone watches the football game, except for my Grandpa and Uncle Randy, who fall asleep about 2 minutes after sitting down. God bless Tryptophan

5) Once they wake up, and we've all digested for at least a little bit, we eat my mom's homemade pumpkin pie (best in the world) and we exchange stories that we all know by heart because we exchange them every Thanksgiving. But they're fun stories, about how my mom and aunts and uncles were so bad when they were kids and the funny things they did. Stories like how my Uncle Randy burned down an entire field once because he was trying to scare a lady that was mowing her grass by throwing firecrakcers, but how once the field caught fire, he called the fire department, and they gave him an award for being so brave and such a good citizen.

Thanksgiving is probably the most comforting time of the year for me. Those are just a few reasons why I think my family, as crazy and loud and unrefined as they are the greatest blessing that God has ever given to me. Happy Thanksgiving Everyone, and I hope that you all will realize what an amazing blessing your family is, no matter how they may act.

If you But Trust in God to Guide You

Ok, here's the state of things:

I just signed up for a blog today for 2 main reasons

1) I have really been in the mood lately to do some journaling and with all this new fangled technology, I thought that journaling on the internet might save me a couple of bucks for paper and pencils.

2) Everyone else is doing it.

Ok, I'm semi kidding about reason number 2. But everybody else really is doing it, whether or not that is a cogent reason to do so, well that's debatable. Nevertheless, I have signed up for a "blog" I'm not smart with this website business, I don't know how to format things or what it really is even. If I tried my hand at formatting, I would thoroughly screw it up, but that's ok, because this blog is to be simply an outlet for my thoughts. So with that handy dandy introduction, I'm now a blogger. =) Yessssss

As you may have seen, I have decided to put the address as findingfulfillment. I'm not quite sure how I thought of it, but it seemed appropriate for my current state. I get those word a day e-mails and the word I had was "Entelechy" which is defined as "In some philosophies, a vital force that propels one to self-fulfillment." I liked the word, I thought it was neat, and I considered naming my blog that. Well, it was all well and good to think about it except for the one undeniable fact that I will never find fulfillment in myself. It's not possible. Oh sure, you may feel good about yourself and your career/financial station/lifestyle/ whatever, but how long does that last? We as sinful human beings are never satisfied. I can never ever ever find any sort of fulfillment unless it is through Jesus. I'm learning that more than ever this semester. We work so hard, and we push ourselves so that we can pass that test, or earn that A in the class, or land that job, but what's it for? What is it really for?

I feel like I've failed at a lot of things this semester. I have shut myself off to so many things so that I could focus on college and everything that encompasses. Well, focusing on school wasn't the problem. The problem was that I tried too hard and too often to do it on my own. My name is Gillian, and I have a problem. I signed up for 22 credits so that I could get them done, and be able to focus on interior design after this semester. I have a job, I play in the symphony, I play in the string ensemble, I am in the Interior design club, I sing in choir, I sing in the church choir, I am in Gamma Beta Phi, I am on RUF leadership, among other commitments. Now let's look at the problem- I. So many times I try to handle this all on my own. I can't. God has really purged me this semester, and through many hard lessons, I've been forced to learn to rely on God. It's been a terrible semester, but I kept going telling everyone that I was doing fine, acting like I could balance everything and still have a good spirit and be the overachiever that could do it all. Don't get me wrong, I knew from the beginning that God was the only way I could get through this semester, 22 credits and a job and all that other stuff isn't humanly possible. So why have I failed? Because I didn't always keep God first. Whenever I took my eyes off of God, I sunk. Things would happen (my car breaks down, I run out of money, etc.) and I would get freaked out and break down. Looking back on this semester, God carried me through it all, He was there the entire time, but my own foolish pride kept me from the total blessing that God was offering me. I failed, and that's hard for me to say, but it's the truth.

That's what I've been thinking about a lot lately, I know it's kind of...I don't know what it is, but that's my life right now. I didn't realize how bad I have been this semester until I got home on Tuesday. I called my best friend Ruth on Wednesday and I hadn't talked to her since August. I've been a terrible friend, I've fooled myself into believing that I've just been focused on school like a good student should be, but truth be told, I have just been so self-involved that I have forgotten everything that is and should always be more important to me than school- my health, my family, and my friends especially my two best friends Missy and Ruth.
Lord, I am a wretched sinner. I am broken down. I have nothing to offer except my sincere confession that I have sinned and fallen short of your glory. God, you are faithful and just to forgive my sin, and cleanse me from all unrighteousness, and I ask you to uphold me with your mercy and love.

Phew, so that was kind of a more indepth entry than intended, but if anybody was curious as to how I've been lately, there it is, the truth in all my failure, that's how I've been. God is Good. God's blessings to all who may be reading.

-Gillian-

If you But Trust in God to Guide You
And place your confidence in Him
You'll find Him always there beside you
To give you hope and stregth within.
For those who trust God's changeless love
Build on the rock that will not move

What gain is there in future weeping,
In helpless anger and distress?
If you are in His care and keeping,
In sorrow will He love you less?
For He who took you for a cross
Will bring you safe through ev'ry loss

In patient trust await his leisure
In cheerful hope, with heart content
To take whate'er your Father's pleasure
And all discerning love have sent;
Doubt not your inmost wants are known
To Him who chose you for His own

Sing, pray, and keep His ways unswerving,
Offer your service faithfully,
And trust HIs word; though undeserving
You'll find HIs promise true to be.
God never will forsake in need
The soul that trusts in Him indeed.