I'm on the verge of being sick. I hate it. Everything is almost there, I almost have a sore throat, I almost have a cough, I almost have a stuffy nose. Not that I want a full any of those, but since my immune system is fighting being sick, I in turn am feeling tired and stiff and weak. This isn't good. So forgive me if my thoughts are a little scattered tonight, it's the Nyquil talking.
This week has been interesting so far, especially with people. Sometimes I wonder about some of my friends about why we're friends, and if they are true friends, Some people come and go, and I'm ok with that. I don't like holding on to things or getting too attached. Some people may see that as me blocking off emotions, and I suppose it's partially true. I don't want to get hurt, I try to protect my feelings. I think sometimes people see me as not very sensitive. And that's pretty true, I try to let alot of things that don't really seem to matter go. Not to say that I'm completely emotionally detached. Sometimes when people say or do things, it does get to me a little, sometimes even a lot, but I try to put on a game face, say it doesn't bother me. I think I'm good at that. Usually it ends up not bothering me in the end, which is a good thing I suppose, but sometimes I wonder if I should let everything go. I'd like to think I have a decent sense of discernment about what's important. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I did let things get to me a little more rather than just saying "I'm fine" even if I'm really not. Nevermind, I don't really know what I'm saying...
Tonight I was looking through an old journal I had in high school. It was kind of interesting. It was funny seeing what I considered problems at the time. Problems that aren't worth a grain of salt now, but seemed much more important back then. But then some problems are the same problems that I face today, stress about school, keeping up my grades, and fully relying on God. I also found my entries when my Grandpa Baikie was diagnosed with lukemia. That was a rough time, He died back in 2000, so it was awhile ago, but I was only 15, and that was the first person that was really close to me that died. I've honestly had the cushiest life ever. I've told some people this before, but I feel like I've skated through my entire life, but I also feel very humbled by it, I know more than anyone that I don't deserve even a shred of it. God's blessed me so much and I can't do anything but thank Him profusely, and do my best to serve Him in all I do. Well on that note, I think it's time I end my entry for tonight. Good Night everyone.
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