Titled Musing- "Discouragement"

Spring has sprung, the flowers are in bloom, the sun is shining (sort of) and I have hit a rough patch. Maybe not a rough patch, but sometimes it feels like it just a little bit. We got our sophomore reviews back today, and for the most part it was good. I'm in Good Standing which I knew, but I was anxious to see the comments. I wasn't expecting to be with distinction or anything, but I think maybe that's the part that bothers me, is that I'm not with distinction. I know that I'm not going to be magnificent the first time around, it seems like I'll do my best the first time, and if it's not stupendous, if I were to do it again, it would be better. I sort of have to stumble a little bit and feel my way around before I really get a good grip on it. I know it's supposed to be like this, but I think I get frustrated with myself if I'm not amazing the first time. Which is probably stupid, but still, I want my work to set the bar, but it gets frustrating when it doesn't. I guess I sort of set these standards for myself and I do the best to my ability, but I've struggled with this before about if my ability is nothing more than average. They told me I work hard and am tenacious in sticking with things, which is good, what more can I ask? But they also felt like I may spend too much time with other committments. Which made me angry. I am a busy person, I know that, but that does not for one nanosecond mean that I must focus 24/7 on Interior design to be good or at my highest level. While interior design is my number one priority right now, it is not my only priority. My music is very important to me and it sort of makes me mad when people tell me I cannot do both and be at my highest level with both. Especially because I feel that it is completely untrue. And though it may seem to others that you can't focus on both, I feel like I would be cheating myself and squandering a gift that God has given me by leaving something behind to focus on one thing. Maybe I won't be a concert cellist, maybe it won't become my career, but it is a very important and big part of who I am and I refuse to believe that it is anything less than that or holding me back in any way. The rest of the world may say that it does, but in my heart I truly believe that it's not true. Some may say it's egotistical or foolish to think that way, but I don't care, I know the dedication it will take to prove them wrong, and I am willing and able to do so.
So that's probably my biggest frustration of today, I guess I'm just sort of discouraged right now. sometimes it just feels like other people seem to attain things so easily but I have to work through alot more to just stay afloat. And Sometimes it feels like the world is trying its best to push me down and make me give up. But I can't, because I know that I'm not going to quit or fail. So for now, in the words or TuPac 'It's me against the world.'