Storytime!

Today my mom and I went to our favorite coffee shop for Breakfast and then we went downtown for a bit. We originally were supposed to be getting Gold dollar coins at the mint for Bailey's coin collection, but they were out. Ironic, huh? Anyway we decided to go to the Downtown aquarium instead. It was fun, there were lots of fish there (Surprisingly enough) and some really cute sea otters, but my absolute favorite part was the Stingray tank. Because for 2 dollars you could buy a little tray of Frozen fish to feed them. It was absolutely nuts! You make a fist and hold the little fish between your fingers and then you just put your hand in the water and wait for a stingray to come by. They swim right over your hand and it feels like this little rubber vacuum. It's crazy! Then there was this little stingray and I put the fish in the water and it came and swam over my hand, but then it got a little bit excited, because it grabbed a little bit of my skin with the fish. It was the weirdest thing! It didn't really hurt, but it more or less pinched me and I had a little red spot on my knuckle! Who gets bit by a stingray?? My mom fed it too but she was scared and she screamed. It was fun, I got a little scared after that young one bit me. But it was fun! Well, that's my story of the day. Ok bye.

Alright, I'm done being grumpy about the things that keep going wrong. Everything is going according to God's plan and that's all I need to know. It's the day before Christmas and I hope that everyone is having a very blessed and joyful Christmas. We are going to our 11 o' clock service at Church tonight and that is always one of my favorite things to do, because it prepares me for Christmas day in the right way. It's not about presents, or lights, or snow, or any other thing that the world tries to tell me it's about. It's about the coming Christ. and that is better than any present I could ever receive from this world. At Church on Wednesday we sang the hymn. It's not the same as On Jordan's Stormy Banks, but if you want to hear the tune, go to http://www.lutheran-hymnal.com/lutheranworship/lw014.mid here are the lyrics though for now

On Jordan's bank the Baptist's cry
announces that the Lord is nigh;
awake and hearken, for he brings
glad tidings of the King of kings.

Then cleansed be every breast from sin;
make straight the way for God within,
prepare we in our hearts a home
where such a mighty Guest may come.

For thou art our salvation, Lord,
our refuge and our great reward;
without thy grace we waste away
like flowers that wither and decay.

To heal the sick stretch out thine hand,
and bid the fallen sinner stand;
shine forth and let thy light restore
earth's own true loveliness once more.

All praise, eternal Son, to thee,
whose advent doth thy people free;
whom with the Father we adore
and Holy Ghost for evermore.


I love hymns. Merry Christmas Everyone!

Oh what a Christmas, to have the blues...

Well it's three days before Christmas, and I can't honestly say that I am in the Christmas spirit yet. Don't know why. Normally by this time, It's 24/7 christmas music, Merry Christmases are flying around everywhere, Christmas gifts are wrapped and under the tree and I can hardly wait for Christmas. This year, I just finished my Christmas shopping today, None of my gifts are wrapped, I've said precisely one Merry Christmas to the guy at Starbucks (that was my first of the season today), and the Christmas music I can only take in somewhat small doses. I feel like maybe I should feel guilty about it, but I don't really.

I'm really enjoying christmas break though, I'm not a complete grinch. My family is going back up to breckenridge tomorrow for a fun filled day of sledding, and I just want to take this moment that I am thoroughly looking forward to get my mom and dad on Bob's snowskate. Maybe that will get in me in the Christmas spirit.

Lots of things are happening with my family now. Sigh. Lots of things are going wrong financially and maybe that also has something to do with my lack of christmas joy. My dog needs a surgery that's going to be expensive. My brother's car broke down on his way out here, my car ended up being a lot more expensive to fix than they originally said, my Grandparents always have their medical stuff going on and what not, and of course there is Christmas on top of it to pay for. I know that God will provide financially, but it's hard to not be at least a little bit down. Anyway, Christmas time is coming, and I should be more joyful. Maybe tomorrow....

Simply having a wonderful Christmastime...

Well it's Christmas break and it's been amazing thus far. My friends (Bob, Diana, Bailey, and David) and I drove the 26 hour trip straight through. Why? I couldn't tell you, but it was a fun and cramped and ridiculous trip. If you want to see the pictures, definitely head to my facebook picture album http://ac.facebook.com/photos.php?id=85500234&l=4f70e and then you can look at my other albums too. Anyway, it was a good trip and it still is. Bailey and Bob ended up leaving today, but Diana and David are here until Monday. Diana and I might go to K-mart tomorrow and buy 40 dollar snowboards. Are we nuts? Probably, but hey, it's 40 dollars, and we'll just use them on little sledding hills and stuff to learn. Anyway, so I could talk alot more about the trip and everything else, but I'm a bit mesmerized by the cirque de soleil that is on tv right now, so I'm gonna head out. Maybe there will be more to come later....If you're lucky

The immobilizer part 2

So I'm at work right now (clearly not working) and I've been trying to update my facebook picture, because even though I'm sure everyone can appreciate a big green dinosaur saying "I'm Win!" with pigeon toes, I put that up last week because I really felt like I wanted to be a T-Rex. But I don't really feel that way anymore this week, so it's time for the picture to change. So I was trying to think of what in the world I could put up as my picture and I'm really at a loss for what to put up now. I thought maybe if I do a google image search for something I'll be able to put a funny picture up. So I tried to search for Immobilizer, in great hopes that a professional wrestler wearing a neon yellow and fuschia spandex head mask would pop up, but no such luck. But this picture did...




here's my question...Why is this kid so happy that he's immobilized? I wasn't that happy when I was immobilized. What's so special about his?

Alright that's all I wanted to comment on today.

Thanksgiving....aaaaahhh

So it's thanksgiving again. And the nostalgic side of me wants to write about the awesome experience thanksgiving is in the Cordova family. However, all I would be doing would be copying and pasting what I wrote last year, so if you would like to get the whole experience, please see the previous posting.

Anyway, I'm not sure what to write, I'm home again and it's awesome and even though I'm fighting some congestion, I'm still having a really good time. My knee is starting to feel better, I even went to church today without the immobilizer. Partially because it was feeling better, but more because I didn't want to spend the morning with this conversation continually on repeat: "What did you do to your knee?" "I fell down the stairs."
"How did you hurt your knee?" "I fell down the stairs."
"Why do you have a brace on your leg?" "I fell down the stairs."

And so on and so forth. So It's still kind of tender, but it's getting better I think! Let's see...what else? Well I'm not so sure I have anything else to say, but I will conclude my Thanksgiving day Blog post with a little musical treat from Addams Family Values. This little number is from the scene where the campers perform Gary's production of "A Turkey called Brotherhood!" Merry Thanksgiving to all.

Eat us, hey! It’s Thanksgiving Day!
Eat us! We make a nice buffet!
We lost the race with Farmer Ed, so
Eat us, because we’re good and dead!

White man or red man, from east, north, or south,
chop off our legs, and put ’em in your mouth.

Turkey: Eat me!
Campers (singing): Sautéd or barbequed!
Turkey: Eat me!
Campers (singing): We once were pets, but now we’re food!
We won’t stay fresh for very long, so
Eat us before we finish this song!
Eat us before we finish this song!

The Immobilizer...

Jeff Bryant told me that I need to post up or give up. Therefore I am posting. Well...man, here it is, a very long time since I've posted last. I'm sure lots of things have happened that I could talk about, but in the past however many weeks it's been, one major thing in my life has happened. I almost died (literally) last Thursday November 10th around 2:45 when I, a dilligent worker for the Anderson college admissions office, was on the job. I was upstairs and it was time for me to go downstairs to put the pins in the out of state map to mark where students had applied from so far. Anyway, so I grabbed the big cup of pins and I had my list and I was going to walk downstairs to do the map. Let me interject briefly by saying that the Admissions office is in a former house and there is a big set of hardwood floor stairs that I walk up and down every time I go to work. ANYWAY, So off I set to put the pins in and I was at the top of the steps and I put my first foot down on the wooden step, and suddenly I realized that my footing was not sure, so I reached out and grabbed for the railing...yes that's right the same railing that much to my dismay has been loose/broken. Well, cut to the chase, I fell down the stairs...fell and roll and hit and tumbled down the stairs...all the way down...every step...every hardwood step....with the giant cup of pins in my hand....yep...pins....the sharp kind. So that's what happened last Thursday. I was technically "OK" meaning that I didn't suffer any major head trauma, and though I was ridiculously sore and stiff, I could basically walk. So then the bruises came and I'd like to tell you that my tale ends here and that I am ok now. But unfortunately, my tale is a sad, and long, and drawn out one.
I went to the nurse the next day and she told me to ice and rest and elevate it and we would see on Monday. Well I was pretty bruised and beat up, but what was most troubling was my right knee, which was the worst bruised and though my entire knee hurt badly, there was one spot on my knee that I couldn't touch at all because it hurt too bad. So my mom was worried about that and told me I should go get an X-ray. So I took my poor beaten up self to the ER on Saturday afternoon and they took X-rays and they said they came back negative so I was good to go (well...relatively) and I should just keep resting and icing and elevating and treating it with motrin. Well I did that, and then the school nurse called me and wanted to do a follow up and I went in on Wednesday the 16th and as soon as I walked in and showed her me knee she said "That doesn't look any better" So I was a little disappointed, but it really hadn't gotten any better. So she made me an appointment with the AnMed Family practice center and it was there that I had the single worst doctoral visit of my life. I won't go into it too much, because it was really frustrating, but basically he charged me 10 bucks to tell me I was fine and just keep resting and icing and elevating and motrin-ing it. Quick side point, but hey, if resting and icing and elevating and motrin-ing hasn't been working for the past week in any way, it's probably not going to help now. Arrrrgh.
Anyway, so after a lot of frustration and tears and calls home to mom and dad, I ended up going to a specialist who gave me a stronger prescription and a brace called an immobilizer and a scheduled appointment for next week. He's still not completely sure what I did to hurt it so bad, but it's still not broken, but if it's not better when I go back, I have to get an MRI of my knee and they have to check in case I didn't do something to the back of my kneecap, which is a possibility. The doctor said he was "cautiously optimistic" that I'll be fine. Whatever that means. Anyway. So now I have an immobilizer and I've decided that if I were ever to become a professional wrestler, that would be my wrestling name, "The Immobilizer" So there you have it, that's where I am now with my knee. I was trying to keep the whole falling down the stairs thing on the down low, but now that I have a giant brace that makes me look like I have elephantitis on my right, it's getting harder to keep it a secret. People have been really sweet about it, but I'm starting to wonder if investing in a sign that says what happened wouldn't be easier than me trying to explain the story 18 times a day. Although, my friend Mark Deer did say that he was gonig to make me a button that says "Knee Braces are sexy" He's funny like that. Well I think that about sums it up as to what's been happening with me lately, or the one big thing anyway. So All in all, I just want to say..."I AM THE IMMOBILIZER....FEAR ME!"

Just kidding. I'm pretty crippled right now.

Fight fight fight

I just wanted to say that I am still fighting for keeping my blog. So what if my updates are only every 4 weeks? So what if nobody reads this dang thing anymore. So what if I don't always have time to post? I say no to abandonment of the blog. So hang in there inner thoughts of an overachiever. I'm still rooting for you

Bubble bubble bubble rinse

well here it is, 12:26 in the AM on a Friday night and I am just getting back from a very long and crazy night at one of the hottest clubs in Greenville. I'm beat! The girls and I decided that it was time that we experience a night on the town so we went downtown in Greenville, looking oh so fine and then we hit the dance floor. There were soo many people there and it was crazy, the alcohol was flowing and the guys were everywhere and generally pretty darn friendly. At least 4 different guys asked for my number and a few of them offered to drive me home. I said no thank you, I'm a lady. Except I did maybe get a number from one of the guys =)

Isn't my make believe life a lot more interesting than my real life? Yeah, I thought so too. The real story is that it is 12:26 in the AM on a Friday night and I am sitting here waiting for my laundry to finish so I can shove it in the dryer and forget about it until tomorrow. It's our first open house of the year and I don't HAVE to, I GET to wake up and be smiling and ready to schmooze at 8 o'clock in the Rainey Fine Arts Center, welcoming families who really want to know all about the hours of the Library and what the cafeteria meal plans are like, as well as what our NCAA division ranking is. Yay open house. That's pretty much it, I was just sitting here waiting and decided it might be a good time to update the old bloggeroo. That and there's only so much you can do on Facebook.

Well I suppose that's about it for now. Nothing too exciting is going on now, other than the fact that I got my very own copy of Luther for only 5 dollars. Sweet. Well my rinse cycle should be just about through so I shall return...but not tonight. Have a good weekend!

P.s. Diana is drawing a naked man right next to me...icky. (No she's not a pervert, it's for her figure drawing class, although she may just be using the class as an excuse...who knows with her) Just kidding, she'll be taping on little paper unmentionables later to the naked man. And right now she's saying "Sack of Peanuts"....I'll leave it at that

Hey Gillian...Your FACE(book)

Well I'm just writing to say that I haven't been writing in a long time...clearly. Anyway, the new big to-do around AC is facebook. Aaaaaaaah it's facebook, we can post cool pictures of ourselves looking all pensive by not looking at the camera and write things about ourselves like what our favorite books are and we can judge our popularity based on how many technological friends we have and by how many comments we have written our walls.

If I sound bitter about facebook, I'm totally not, because I definitely have been an active member, but it definitely has taken over the AC campus and oh man are people cuh-razy about it. Ah, trendiness...awesome.

Well, I'm sick now too. SUCK. oh well, I just took a quick break from everything to write on my blog which unfortunately is getting treated like the red-headed stepchild and getting completely overlooked. I'm not fond of the business lately, I haven't been able to practice either...sigh. Back to the grinding stone. If I don't write in awhile...don't fear. I'll probably post everyday...at Thanksgiving. Only 2 months left!

Perhaps this blog will become more of a bi-monthly thing...

So I've decided to post again mostly because I don't the last post to be the last one that I may ever post, you know...just in case something happens. Anyway, things are clearly in full swing which is why I may have appeared to have fallen off the face of the planet, but alas, no. I am just back in Interior design classes now. Sigh...sometimes it feels like it will never end. don't get me wrong. I'm not regretting it, but as usual Ms. Martin is hell on earth. I think she doesn't like me all that much anymore. and I few ideas about her "reasons" why. Number 1- I'm a music minor. Ms. Crazy head cannot stand it when you don't sign your name in blood over to her interior design program. Number 2- I refuse this year to let her get to me and I refuse to keep beating myself up trying to please her. I won't do it and she doesn't like this. *see reason number 1 again* Anyway those are just a few ideas about why she feels like she has to be harder on me than on my classmates and no, I'm not being sensitive about it, other people have noticed too. Anyway, I don't want to say I don't care, because I do care, but sometimes it's hard to try and stand up on your own two feet when someone who wears pointy toed high heels is always kicking you down. ouch.

just pray

Well, it's been awhile since I've posted anything. But it's been kind of a crazy week and tonight I just needed an outlet. I'm sad tonight.

One of my fears is that my being so far away from home is that something big will happen, and I won't be able to be there for it. Mostly I'm talking about my family. I've said it a million times before, but the number one most important thing in this world to me is my family. And my family members are going through some rough times right now and it just hurts my heart. I feel helpless about it too, which again, makes me sad. I want to be there for my family, even if I can't help directly, I just want to be there so they know that they really are the most important thing in my life. My Grandma's Alzheimer's is getting worse, and while she's deteriorating, my Grandpa's hardship is increasing. It's so hard on him. I can't even imagine, His wife the woman he's been in love with for so many years is fading fast into someone that soon will only be a living reminder of someone that used to be. How can you deal with that? It's painful because the process is so slow. My grandpa needs help and support and though my family and parents are there to help him, I think he feels like his burden is beyond him. My aunt and cousins are still having a hard time too. Their house didn't sell because the buyer's finances didn't hold up. My cousins are entering what's probably going to end up being the most difficult years of their youths and my entire family is holding their breaths to find out how these years will turn out. I'm scared for my cousins that they won't be able to realize that they can rise above their problems. I'm scared that they won't be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel that I know with all of my heart is there. My mom's going back to school to get her doctorate on top of caring for my grandparents and holding down our family. My aunt on my dad's side of the family has become a recluse and for some unknown reason won't speak with us. I'm worried about her. There are some tough times ahead. I don't know what to do but pray.

My best friend just told me today that her grandmother died this past week. I just want to give her a hug. I want to give everyone in my family a hug. I'm sad tonight.

Anyone need a placemat?

My grandmother is crazy. I say this alot, mostly because it's true. Everytime you go over to her house you always leave with an armful of something which you usually don't need or want. It doesn't matter if you just stop by to say Hi or if you're there for a long time, you will always leave with more than you came with. I say this because even though my grandmother is pretty nuts, sometimes you will wind up with something that is useful. Case in point: I now have my very own copy of the Book of Concord. Normally at least 30 dollars, but in my case, completely free, it also came with some free placemats. We don't know where she gets all this stuff, but Lord knows it comes.

Anyway, Last night I was reading in my Book of Concord for my devotions and I was reading about Confession. I kind of just opened the book and it landed on the large catechism portion of the book. I thought, Hm, well, I don't know how much I'll get out of this but I'll definitely still read it (especially because it was only 3 pages and it was already past midnight by that point) So I read it and it was just a little unexpected blessing to my evening. It really was just a huge reminder of the Grace of God that he so freely gives to us despite our sinfulness. Luther especially made emphasis on the importance of confession. And especially the fact that confession is not a time to show off or make it to seem like forgiveness is something we can attain by our own doings when we finally do confess our sins. No, it is not a work that we can perform, all we can do is "lament our sins and desire comfort and restoration for our souls." God does the actual work and all we do is simply accept and receive something from God. Then we can have the restored heart and conscience. How amazing is it that we can confess our sins before God and He has promised to grant us forgiveness continually? We should place great importance on confession and forgiveness. Luther compares it to a miserable beggar who hears that a rich gift of money and clothes is to be given out somewhere, Wouldn't he run there as fast as he can so he can get his share of the blessing? Shouldn't we be the same way? I pray that all of you can take comfort in the knowledge we have of the power of confession and more importantly, the unending power of God's forgiveness.

Heroes in a Half Shell...Turtle Power!

So it's been awhile since I posted last. One full week to be precise. It's funny how much can happen in one week, I believe I will post in list form tonight-

-Admissions Office Training is over! It wasn't bad, pretty fun and I am completely thrilled at our new office the former Oakwood Bed and Breakfast. It's SOOOOO Great! I'm really excited about work this year

-I finished setting up my room. After some setbacks, I have my room how I want it, with many new things as well.

-Good Bonding time with Diana!!! Yay for old friends and making new friends too.

-I have my very first plant. Diana and I have affectionately dubbed it "Mugsy. myeah shee?"

-I also have a new table that holds Mugsy very nicely. A new rug also adorns the floor on which my table rests

-Probably my favorite part of the week- I GOT A SUPER NINTENDO! So many memories...ah, the good old days. Thanks to Jeffar!

-Mmm... lots of other stuff

So far it's been a good week. Still not sure if I'm ready for school, but I've been praying about my attitude for it. I'll need strength this year to keep pressing towards the mark. I'm not sure how much I'll be able to post this year, I'm not sure how busy my schedule is, but I'm sure I'll be able to post once in awhile. There's a ton more I'm sure to post tonight, but I'm tired and once I get going, oh boy....look out. :)

Oh, I also just want to say that the very first time in 5 years of me driving, I locked my keys in the car today at the local Citgo. I was mad at myself for the rest of the day. Frankly I'm still a little bitter.

Yep, I still hate Kansas...

So...here I am, in Kansas at the Sleep Inn where I am retreating for the night. I'm on my way back to school. Still can't decide how I feel about that. One thing I am feeling though is sad. I can't stand goodbyes, and worse when I have to say goodbye to my family and my best friends and my home. I always get so sad when I say goodbye and I start to feel like I don't even want to go back if it means leaving all these things that I love behind. I know I sound really mopey and everything right now, but I always get like this, everytime I leave.

Last night was my last night at home, so my friends and brother and I went up to Red Rocks (I'm sure I've talked about it before, but look it up online, it's one of my absolute favorite places in Colorado to be) Anyway, we went up there around 8 or 9 (The park closes at 11) and we took my laptop up and we climbed up one of the big rocks (which you're technically not supposed to do) and watched a movie against the most amazing background that you'll ever see. It's so amazing to be up there because you're basically on top of Denver and you can see all the lights of the city for miles, but it's still dark enough to see all the stars. It was so pretty. We had such a great time too, and it's times like those that again, make me not want to leave. I don't regret going so far for college, It was God's plan for me, and I need that time to learn what God wants me to learn. But I think the novelty of going to college out of state is beginning to wear off. I feel like I really want to settle down into my life and be an actual "grown-up" Does that make sense? Probably not.

Anyway, Anderson people probably think that I hate them. I don't I swear and I am excited to see you guys again, but this is just the breaks of that whole out of state thing I suppose. Don't worry, I'll snap out of it once I get back there, but for tonight, I think I just want to be sullen.

Adiós, Tofa, Chào ba, Sawatdi, Adjö, Ciao, Poka...Bye!

Well I figured it was time for an update since the last time I posted was in July, and now it's August. Granted, it's technically only 4 days since my last post, but if I span the distances by months rather than the number of days, it makes it seem more dire that I post right away.

Summer is very quickly coming to an end (sad). My best friend Missy and her parents went back to Minnesota yesterday (Really sad) but her sister Joleen is now moved in so at least I'll get to see her (Happy). My other best friend Ruth and I got to spend some time together again last night (happy) and I can now admit that I watch the MTV reality show, Laguna Beach (shameful). I probably won't continue to watch it though once I get back to school because I don't want to remain in the summer remedial state of mind forever, but it's a good summer show to watch. So anyway, that's been my life. I had another sad thought today though, I pictured myself driving east on I-70 and seeing Downtown Denver pass by and it would be the last time for a really really long time that I'll be able to be home. I won't come back home until November. And it makes me sad to say goodbye. I never was good with goodbyes, even if I know I'm coming back. I'm not sure why. I try to be optimistic, and I'm not homesick yet or anything, though I probably will be during the 14 hours in Kansas (gross); I am looking forward though to seeing my Anderson friends again. I talked with Rob yesterday for awhile, and Jeff too, so I am excited to see everyone again and get back to RUF and the fun stuff. Still waiting to get excited about the school part, but who knows if that will ever come. That's all for now I think. Pray for me and my super long cross country solitary expedition I'm taking starting Saturday...by myself...alone...without anyone else...alone, oh I said that already. Well anyway, just pray that the trip goes well and smoothly, although if I happened to blow a tire on the way, it would be ok, because I know how to change one, it might take me 2 hours to do so, but the fact that I can actually do it would be my triumph. Alright, I'm outta here. See you in 6 days AC!

A diamond with a flaw is still worth more than a common stone that is perfect...

Here's a scary thought, I am leaving my wonderful home to go back to South Carolina in seven (7) days. Here's a scarier thought, I'm driving back by myself. Yep, all 25 hours (or less depending on how fast I drive...most likely less) and then I will be back to everything college. Mixed feelings arise on this thought. I'm scared about my feelings towards the upcoming school year. I kind of feel like right now I'm a little kid standing at the concrete edge of the deep end at the pool. I know I have to do this but I'm still trying to muster up enough courage to just jump into it. It's going to be one of those things I'm sure that it'll be fine once I get into it, but it's a matter of getting into it. Ah, the old familiar tune of every college student's woes. Anyway, I get back to Anderson the 8th I think and then I don't have to, I get to attend Admissions office (re) training for 8 hours a day, 3 days in a row.
Ahem, moving on! My best friend has been in town since last week and it's been a ton of fun, mostly we've just been hanging out, but of course any time is enjoyable. One night we went to go see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I liked it for the most part except for the one undeniable fact that the producers of the movie made a severe error with the Oompa Loompas, or should I say the Oompa Loompa that was digitally repeated. Truly a low point of the movie. I hated the oompa loompa so much that it really just made me want throw up. Their songs were awful and I thought that they just tried to make them too tiny that is was kinda creepy. I dreaded the moments when they came on screen. Anyway, enough from Ebert and Gillian.
I don't really have that much to say right now. Nope...nothing's coming to mind. I'm sure all of you are very jealous of my amazingly adventurous life. Well, try not to be too envious, your time will come.

Still I wonder...

*Sigh* I'm not even sure what to write tonight, but I just felt like posting something...anything, so pardon me if this blog post is a bit roundabout or not really cogent, but I'm just going to write what comes out.

Sometimes when I stop to reflect about my life and where God has led me thus far, I am just completely amazed. Especially when I consider how I have changed. One of the biggest areas that is evident to me is coming out in deciding on my future plans. If you were to ask me even just 7 or 8 months ago what I would be doing after I graduate, I would have said "I'm going to be a great residential interior designer in Denver living in a nice apartment somewhere near downtown" and that has been my dream for a long time really. Not to say that the dream is completely gone, but when I stop to think about it now, if someone were to ask me now, If I'm being honest, I will say "I'm not exactly sure anymore. I used to know exactly what I wanted to do, but somehow, maybe that has changed." I guess that's growing up huh? Still, it seems so contradictory to my normal self. I've always been the ambitious girl who's known what she's wanted since forever and will work herself to death to get there. Now, I'm still trying to figure out if that dream that had been in place for so long is really going to be how it turns out.
How do I say this, though? To everyone that expects me to still have that same drive? How do I say that I'm not exactly sure that my future plans are what's right for me? I try to picture myself in this upcoming school year, when I should be focused on getting a spectacular internship and learning as much as I can in my chosen career path, but when I think about it and the dedication it will take, I question whether or not I will have the heart to do it. I've always struggled with the profession and the materialism and greed that is so present in it, and now more than ever, I wonder if I'm cut out for it, and can tolerate it. Because, honestly, I wonder if it's still as important to me as it was.
Maybe you've already guessed it, but a lot of these feelings surfaced after the trip to Peru. Sometimes it seems that maybe I'm being called more to the ministry, and when I consider the work that God may be calling me for, it really makes getting a good interior design job pale in comparison. These are just the thoughts that I've been wrestling with lately. I don't think that I made a mistake in choosing Interior Design as a major, if I hadn't, I never would have been in Anderson. So I guess I'm saying I don't regret the path that I've taken (or rather been led down) but I also wonder how far along this path I'm supposed to go. I'm pretty sure that I am supposed to finish college first, actually I know I'm supposed to finish college, but like I said, I wonder how far down this path I'm supposed to go, and if I'm supposed to be thinking about a job in the ministry, how do I focus on finishing school first, and again, is that what I'm supposed to do? I think part of this has to do with God teaching me to be patient and trust Him to be my strength, even if I don't feel like dealing with Ms. Martin for another 2 years (Which I don't feel like by the way) but I think I just really need to be encouraged that I am doing the right thing by sticking with school because I'm not sure I will have the motivation to do it if I'm not sure. Does that make sense? I just...I don't know.
I have this friend Doris Saldana that I met down in Peru and God has just amazingly placed her in my life. She's Catholic, but I don't think a very devout Catholic and her boyfriend Peter is agnostic. We got to talk about her profession alot (She's a lawyer) and that really just sparked a friendship there, I've been exchanging e-mails back and forth with her and I've just been trying to share the Gospel alot with her and encourage her because Peter right now is really depressed. Bailey and I have both been sharing Bible passages with her and I sent her a gift too (a Spanish/English Law dictionary to help her practice her english) and she was just so thankful. She said that she knows that God put Bailey and I in her life at just the right time, a low point when she needed alot of encouragement, and it's God's workings especially like this one that just encourage me so much. She's even started going to church, one of the missionary churches in Trujillo! It really just makes me think about my life in a different perspective, especially about what's REALLY important. And when I think about things like that, I wonder exactly how important it is to live in a downtown apartment with a great business. Would I really be happy there?
I know that you can be a witness wherever you are and it's not about who's a better Christian than whomever else, but I wonder if God is calling me to be a witness to those who may not have had the same opportunities that we as americans have. I know that everything happens for a reason in every single person's life, and when I reminisce about different events in my life, I wonder if they have been put there as preparation for carrying out a calling to serve. For instance, my grandma and her mission, learning even from a young age about helping others. By the time I was 7, I'd probably seen more poverty stricken areas than some people may ever see in person. I'm not trying to sound egotistical or like I'm bragging or anything at this point, but I'm just thinking out loud (or rather in written form). I've said that I haven't gone through any major tragedies in my life and someone once said that I'm solid in my faith. I know that humans fall alot, but I suppose that so far, I am confident in my faith. Don't take that the wrong way, I know how sinful I am, but I know that the only thing I have to boast is Christ, and It is my stronghold. The passage in Corinthians (the one I always refer to) that speaks of different gifts of the Spirit, the passage has been on my mind alot and it makes me wonder if that maybe one of the gifts that God has given me is the confidence and solidity in Him. Again, none of this is my doing, please please please don't think I have any faith in myself, but I want to share that confidence in the Gospel with others so that they can experience the joy found only in Christ.

Man, this post got long. These are just thoughts that I have been having in my head alot lately. It's funny what happens when you just start to write and don't necessarily have a specific goal in mind. I'm sure everyone knows I have about a million more pages of thoughts about this, but it's late. Most people probably didn't read this (probably for the best too) I'm sure that this post will reveal alot of my needs and weaknesses, but if you did happen to stick it out, please pray for me. I don't necessarily even know what to pray for, I suppose mainly for patience as I wait for God to clearly show me my future path and the strength to walk down that path confidently in Him, whatever path he chooses. God's blessings.

"The Wonderer"

I'm travel-size for your convenience!

Oh man was WaterWorld Fun. What a trip. I hadn't been there in forever! But Missy and Ruth and Joleen and I had a ton of fun. There's this giganto wave pool there and every I think 5 minutes a giant tidal wave comes out. If you haven't been there it's hard to explain, but it was a blast. Water slides everywhere and my personal favorite- the Lazy River. It's soo relaxing and it was just wonderful to be there with my best friends. We were there all day (i.e. from 10-6) and I have some pretty wicked tan lines now. My back got a tiny bit burned, but that's just because I didn't put sunscreen on my back, other than that, my skin is beginning to look more in touch with my hispanic roots. I try to tell people that my mom's family is Hispanic, but my dad's genes pretty much monopolized me. Eh, oh well.

So that's been the highlight of my week. Tomorrow I get to housesit again for the weekend and who knows what after that...You never can tell with Crazy ol' Gillian. Watch out...

And I think to myself, what a wonderful world...

Well, here I sit. I can't say that I have anything too important or worthwhile to talk about. Nothing incredibly tremendous happened today, but I didn't want to leave my last post up too long to stew so I thought I would change it up a little bit.
Missy and Joleen made it here safely today!!!! It's always so much fun to have them here, I don't get to see them enough, but now that Joleen is moving back from Minnesota, hopefully we'll see alot more of each other. Plus it gives Missy a reason to come and visit more, yay! Tomorrow we're going to Waterworld, which used to be the largest waterpark in America, I don't know if it still is or not, but it's still fun!
So as you can see, I don't really have a whole lot on my mind right now, mostly just trying to enjoy the next couple weeks with my friends before I head back out to South Carolina- land of accents, poor grammar, ridiculous humidity, and fried everything. I'm looking forward to getting back to school. Not so much for the school part in fact, but It'll be nice to get back to seeing friends and getting back to RUF and everything. Plus, every day will get me closer to being done. I'm excited to see where God will lead me once I graduate. This next year is probably going to be alot of changes for me...big changes with future plans and alot of other stuff like that, so I'm anxious to see how it turns out, and how I'll handle it. Hopefully with trust and patience. I'll definitely need alot of help from God. Well, I think that's about it for now. Nothing too exciting has happened today, although I did get something called a myspace invitation to some group called the College Bar Scene. I don't even know what that myspace thing is, let alone why anyone would invite me to the bar scene one. What a crazy world.

What did the fish say when it hit a wall? "Dam!"

Ok This will be a long post. First of all, I hope you all laughed at the joke, I thought it was clever. So I found out today that my admissions office job training or team building or whatever it is called is going to run from 8:30 till 4:30 Wednesday the 10th till Friday the 12th...ouch. And then, apparently, we may be helping the freshman move in on the 13th...double ouch. I love my job, and whatever job I have, I am a dedicated and hardworker, but unfortunately, I'm not a big fan of teambuilding training stuff with jobs, it's just not my nature. And usually the effect only lasts 2-3 weeks before everyone settles back into normality. I don't think it's a waste of time, but I have trouble going into those things with alot of enthusiasm because I know the coming pattern is inevitable. Hey, it's human nature. Anyway, it's a paycheck and I will take my post without a further complaint. And I suppose I maybe could feign a little excitement this year.

The Peru Sunday School is over! It wasn't so bad actually. I spoke for an hour straight....by myself. That's the longest I've ever spoken in public. A far cry from 8-10 minute speeches for a grade. Had I prepared and thought about it more, I may have been a little more worried about it, because looking back on it, an hour seems fairly daunting right now. Oh well, it's done. I didn't practice what I was going to say but it turned out alright. One story did come out of it though, there's this lady at my church, and we won't call her Gail and we won't make it known that she can be sometimes...enthusiastic with sharing opinions and "suggestions", even when they are not wanted or asked for in any sort of way. Anyway, this lady who we haven't named shows up 25 minutes late for Sunday school and leaves about 15 minutes before the end right when I ask for the class to split up into 2 groups and pray. I also won't say that I sometimes get frustrated with the seemingly flippant attitude some people at my church (not just this one) have towards church and reverence and stuff like that. Anyway! So after the Peru presentation, I felt pretty good about it, and I guess alot of people were really interested in the mission and stuff because my mom said alot of people came up and said stuff to her (good stuff, I assume) Oh, and I think there's a rumor beginning at my church now that I'm going to be a missionary. How about that. So after talking with a few people I'm about to leave and I was literally 3 feet from the door when I see not-Gail chasing after me (seriously chasing) and my first thought, though not the most Christian-like thing to think was "Crap." Because I knew nothing good could come of this, But I smiled and said Hi and not-Gail goes "Ok, a couple things, first I liked the Sunday School presentation, I mean, I wasn't there for the beginning of it, actually I wasn't there for the end of it, but I did see some in the middle and the part that I heard seemed really interesting, but I want to give you some criticism, but I'm not being mean about it I just need to tell you this..." As she's saying all this and some other stuff too, I was trying really hard not to have that really incredulous look on my face, so I just nod, and she continues "You probably shouldn't talk so much in the middle about the stuff that isn't important and you shouldn't say um and you shouldn't say uh, and I can say this stuff because sometimes I judge debates so I know. And of course, I'm just helping you for when you present this stuff again. When are you doing this again?" Me: "Um, never?" "Oh, well, I thought you would..." And she continued on for a little while with some stuff that I was definitely not listening to, because I was busy thinking "so...the 20 minutes that you were there for, did you listen at all to what I was saying, you know, about God, and helping people and teaching the Gospel?" Somehow that conversation thankfully ended, and I walked away with a somewhat bad taste in my mouth. I mean, it's one thing to give tips after a school speech or something, especially if someone asks for the tips, but to come up and criticize (be it constructive or not) if someone does not ask for it, especially after you missed the majority walked in late and left early clearly without any shame while someone was speaking on a topic that is very close to her heart seems a little audacious to me.

I know I'm probably being ridiculously indignant, and it's stupid to take it to heart, but I guess I just got a little upset because things like this happen at my church...alot, and I think the part that I'm taking the hardest is that I feel like she missed maybe even just brushed off what I was trying to share and encourage others with. But not only that, it just didn't matter, and I get frustrated especially at my church with sometimes what appears to be a major lack of sincerity and dedication to the Gospel. And I don't know how to deal with that. I'm just venting right now, and I have a lot to say about this, but I don't have the energy to go into it too much now, but pray for me that I can be patient and pray I guess for my church, that...well I don't even know what exactly.

Anyway, now the fluffier side of this blogpost. I went to the dentist again today for another filling. I don't know why, I brush twice a day and floss and take care of my teeth, but my dentist is kind of excited about doing fillings. well I went and they stuck the swab of numbing what not in my mouth to numb my left upper cheek before they gave me the shot to numb my face (which I still hate by the way) Phew, good thing they gave me that swab to my upper left cheek before the dentist came in and gave me the shot on my lower left gum. Total waste of a good swab. But it wasn't too bad, I suppose. I think my biggest fear at the dentist is that they will slip while holding one of the sharp tools and pierce my tongue, or lip, or gum, depending on which way they slip. But I'm done with dentists for this year! Yay!!!

Well I suppose that's it for now, it's a long post, but needed to get some thoughts off. Feel free to comment if I'm being stupid about the situation. I don't want to be unloving or harsh, but that's been on my mind. Other than that, Best Friend Missy comes tomorrow!!!! I'm sooo excited! Best Friend's Sister Joleen is moving back to Colorado from Minnesota, so pray for them and their safety. I probably won't write much while they are here, but I'll try to post when I can. I hope everyone is doing well! Goede Nacht iedereen! (It's Dutch...like me...NOT!)

And all that jazz...

So it's been a few days since my last post. I'm sure my audience has been craving the next installment of my blog as much as everyone was eagerly awaiting the 6th Harry Potter (which I definitely am the proud owner of now!) Yep, I took my cousin and our exchange student Miguel to the Harry Potter Midnight Madness party and our Barnes and Noble to get the new book. I'll say it was for the kids sake, but I am a fan of harry potter myself and enjoyed it just as much. I know I'm a big nerd but hey, at least I can read. yeah...

This week hasn't been too exhaustingly eventful, donated plasma again, and Ruth's birthday was on Thursday so I went over to her house for a family party and ended up spending the night. We played Disney's Scene it, which is an awesome game, it was a ton of fun, because those that know me know what an amazingly huge disney dork I am. Then we played regularly Scene It, which is also a fun game, but some of those questions are HARD. For instance, Can you name Ernest Hemingway's two actress granddaughters? Yeah I didn't think so. But it was still fun. Then today was Jon's (Ruth's boyfriend) birthday and we went to Chatfield Resevoir for a party. They had jet skis and I was gonna go but the one had something wrong and it kept flooding, and I had to leave early anyway, because I'm housesitting again for the same people and came to take care of the animals.

So that's pretty much been my week. Tomorrow, I have to lead Sunday school at my church. It's not really even leading, I'm just gonna be talking about Peru. I procrastinated alot with putting my thing together so I just finished it about 30 minutes ago. Oh well, it's done. I'm not really one for preparing so much before speaking. I like to wing it. Actually what usually happens is that I pray right before for God to give me the words to say what He wants me to and everything always ends up ok. I have a little outline about what I want to talk about, but nothing too indepth. Hopefully it goes well.

I suppose that's it for now. Things are kind of unchanging for me right now, I don't really feel like I'm going through anything major right now spiritually or otherwise. I'm just kind of enjoying God's blessings that are always present. I just pray that He'll keep me in His care and use me for whatever purpose He has.

Plasmapheresis- from the greek term meaning 25 dollars

Today marked the day of my best friend Ruth and I going to donate (i.e. Sell) plasma for the first time. It wasn't that bad, although Ruth got a little woozy because she didn't eat enough breakfast or something, but she didn't really pass out. Close though. And as the lady stuck the needle in my arm, she says "Oh man, you have a roller" "Um.....should I be concerned?" Nah, my vein apparently kept moving around, I suppose it didn't really feel like being punctured. Neither did I after she had to literally dig around my arm for about a minute and a half with those big PVC pipe-sized needles they use. Now I'm not squemish about needles and such, which is probably a good thing, because she was really going at it. Eventually she found the vein and 45 minutes later I was on my way with a fresh wound that makes me look like a heroine addict. The reason Ruth and I went to the plasma place is because they pay you for your plasma. 25 bucks this time, and an extra 40 when we go again on Friday. Ruth and I are broke and jobless. so, we'll take what we can get. Oh yeah, I suppose plasma donation saves lives too, or something humanly decent like that. So that was my fun adventure for the day.

I'm trying to think of other things to say, but I don't really think I have anything else worthwhile. Nope not really, although today I did read a story in the newspaper about how some lady's 1500 pound pet camel sat on the neighbor who was painting the fence and the neighbor had to use her cell phone to call the police. I thought that was interesting. I didn't think people would have their cell phones with them while painting fences.


Just kidding. Later.

I suppose this is what's known as just one of those days...

Today was....

I don't know how or rather if I want to finish that sentence. I don't suppose today could be particularly described as horrible. But I don't feel like my day was particularly bright either. Well, whatever today was, it made me realize exactly how important my personal alone time is for my proper functioning. And when I say alone time, I mean alone alone. Some people can just go into their room even with other people in the house and that's sufficient. Sometimes it is for me too, but not today. I needed to get out of the house, or else I thought I was going to go crazy. I love my family, but I can feel myself getting closer and closer to that point in my life where I cannot live at home. I need to live on my own and be my own responsible adult. I love home, obviously, but whenever I come back for a long period of time, I always feel like I've taken a step back as far as "growing up" is concerned. It makes it sound like I hate my home or something ridiculous like that. I don't. Anyone that knows me knows I don't, but anyone that knows me also knows that I'm probably somewhat of an independent spirit that thrives on doing things myself. Unfortunately for that side of me, I am in somewhat of a limbo here. I don't have a job that will support my living on my own, nor do I have any of the essential elements of living on my own, including a college degree, an apartment, or again, a job that will support me. So...sigh...I guess I'll just have to be patient and work hard so that when my time does come (soon enough I'm sure) I will be able to be my very own responsible caretaker. Until then...I guess I'll just have to get out when I can. =)

On a lighter note. I went to the dentist today and they numbed one entire side of my face in order to fill one tiny cavity. Hmm, overkill? Maybe. I always hate it when they numb me, because I drool and don't notice until it's down my shirt. Gross. Oh well. And speaking of going to the dentist, may I just say that if you ever decide to become a dental office receptionist, Do not, I repeat Do NOT be a jerk to the patients. Don't act all huffy and frustrated when you're trying to set up appointments for college students that attend college out of state and will not be there when the time is most convenient for you. Why? Because it makes your dental patients cranky and it makes them not want to go back to the dentist ever. So in conclusion, future dental receptionists, just don't be a jerk. that's all there is to it.

I'm still a little bitter from my plight with Recept-Thor today. oh well. Won't be seeing her for awhile. I think that's about it for now, I have alot more thoughts running through my head, but none that I particularly wish to divulge. That whole fortress thing about my feelings...you understand. Well, Good night!

The Cordovas- kind of like the Sopranos, but slightly less menacing

Well, Fourth of July has come and gone and I don't know about you guys, but mine was completely boring. Absolutely nothing happened.....

That's a total lie. My fourth of July was wonderful, and of course, as promised, I have a Cordova family story to tell. Well, I'll tell you first about my day. We woke up and then decided to take Miguel to a true American event...The Greeley Stampede! What is the Greeley Stampede, you ask? Ah, yes, well to the non-westerner, the Greeley Stampede is only the biggest fourth of july Rodeo in the world. Yep! We went to the rodeo and saw everything! The barrel races, mutton bustin, Steer wrestling, calf roping, bronc busting, and of course, the big mack daddy of all rodeo events- Professional Bull Riding! It was pretty fun, I like watching them, although I can't imagine the chiropractic bills for the riders. Sheesh. So the rodeo was good and we got to introduce Miguel to the wonders of event/carnival type food- the corn dogs, the turkey legs, the BBQ, the fried everything. He ate 3 hot dogs and fried potatoes and of course, a funnel cake. Top that off with a fresh squeezed lemonade, and you'd never know he was a Spaniard...

So after the rodeo was over with we moseyed on back to Denver for a quick hour long rest before we headed up to the foothills of the mountains to Golden, CO where my uncle lives. If you don't know, Coors Brewery is in Golden, it's a nice town. Well anyway, My uncle lives in an apartment above Meyer's Hardware and we have roof access...I think I explained this in the last post, So pardon the redundancy. Anyway, While we were waiting for the burgers to cook, we decided it would be a good time to set off the fireworks my cousin and miguel bought. We set them off in the parking lot behind my uncle's building. It's funny, because my uncle always freaks out that the police are going to come and arrest us for shooting off the fireworks (did I mention the fireworks are kind of illegal because of the high wildfire risk?) But we're careful and nowhere near any sort of vegetation, so there we are setting off the fireworks and people are walking by on their way to get their seats at the park, so people obviously see us shooting off these fireworks. And as we're lighting the last one, I see a cop car drive by going in the opposite direction, so I say (partially kidding) "I think it's it time to go back inside, I just saw a cop car." Actually I really said "Everybody inside! It's the Fuzz!!" And so we all go inside quickly, and it's kind of a good thing. Once we got back up to the roof we were all by the edge looking over waiting for the big fireworks to start, and then the two bicycle cops ride up to the parking lot, Survey the empty fireworks shells and just start shaking their heads. Previous to us realizing that they were cops on the bikes, my 11 yr old cousin Daniel says, while holding a fistful of bottlerockets "haha, wouldn't it be funny if we shot the bottlerockets while the bicyle guys were close by to scare them?" I said "Danny, I think those are cops." He sheepishly said oh, and then proceeded to try and hide the bottle rockets by putting them behind his back. The bike cops saw us up on the roof, but only said "Hey, you guys have a great seat for the fireworks show!" We of course played dumb innocent middle class americans, and just smiled and waved. So there you have it, another Cordova family Fourth of July, Arrest-free, but closer than we've ever come to getting nabbed.

Oh yeah, the fireworks were good too.

13 days until Harry Potter!!!!

So Miguel made it here safely and is settled (more or less) into the Baikie Household. He's a fun kid. Just your typical freckle-faced braces happy go lucky tennis playing Spaniard. It was funny the first night when our family ate dinner, our aunt's family eats dinner with us about 3 times a week or so and we were just being our typical selves (i.e. loud) and Miguel was just sitting there wide eyed at the whole thing. I think perhaps we may have overwhelmed him a bit, but we've explained (multiple times) that regular Americans aren't like us, that we were crazy, but later he said "It's ok, I like crazy better." So there you have it. We've taken him around to different places and went to a family friend's party so he's met alot of people. So far so good! Oh, and the good thing, is that I have found a kindred spirit as far as Harry Potter goes. So on July 15th around 10pm or so, Miguel, my cousin Danny and I will be at our local Barnes and Noble for the Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince book release. Nerdy? To a T, but It'll be fun I'm sure.

Tomorrow is our Annual Fourth of July day bash. We all go up to my Uncle's apartment in a town called Golden. The city of Golden does their big fireworks display and the park where they shoot them off is about 4 blocks from my uncle's apartment where we have roof access. So we get a little mini grill and get all the food and go up to the roof and sit around and tell the same funny stories over and over (See my Thanksgiving day post for the typical order of the festivities) and then at 9 o'clock when the fireworks are supposed to start, but don't, everyone gets all flustered wondering whether or not they will actually shoot off the fireworks. And the conversation typically goes like this: "Did anyone check to make sure?" "Alex, I thought you knew!" "How am I supposed to know?" "Well, Dangit, you live here!" "Yeah, but I was getting everything else ready! Why didn't YOU check?" "Well someone get a paper and check" "Alex, where are the papers!?" "Check in the back by the-" And then when the fireworks start about 9:04, everyone at the same time says "OH!!!!!!" and then we watch the fireworks from our front row seats and give the typical "Oooh's and Aaah's" It's all very American...with the little Hispanic touch. I'm obviously completely looking forward to it.

Well, that's about it for now, hopefully I'll post some funny stories if some should arise (if? HA) and then I'll tell you all about the latest Cordova misunderstanding (which most likely will this time involve Miguel....poor kid will never see it coming) Well, I'm out for now, gonna go reserve my copy of Harry Potter. Happy Fourth of July Everyone!

I don't think anybody reads this thing anymore...

Well, what an eventful past 2 days, or however long it's been since I posted last. Tomorrow we (the Baikie family) will be extending our warmest welcome to Miguel, our new 14 year old Spanish tennis playing friend who will be living with us for the month of July. Hold on to your tennis racket, Miguel, it's going to be an interesting trip. I hope he doesn't hate us. We are all very eager to see how this one turns out, including my 13 year old female cousin Nicole... Yikes! Hold on everyone else! More stories to come, I'm sure.

Well, today my mom, my cousin Nikki, my grandmother (along with her Alzheimer's) and I drove up to a whopping altitude of 14,264 feet on the highest paved road in North America to Mt. Evans for the day. What a fun trip! I haven't been up to Mt. Evans in forever it seemed like and it was probably one of the most gorgeous days we could have gone. It never ceases to amaze me how spectacular the views are. I put in a picture, but understand that a photo will never do justice to what your eyes can actually see when you're up there. And not only were the views amazing, but I got to see mountain goats first hand. 3 of them, and one of them was just a kid (baby goat, not an actual kid...that wouldn't be very exciting) Anyway, Yeah, I got seriously about 10 feet from them and they weren't scared! Of course they were probably wary of me, but they didn't run away or anything, it was really neat, and we saw about a million Marmots, I included a picture in case you've never seen one, but all in all it was a good trip. I'm really glad we got to go up today

So there's the Marmot to the right and below is just one of a million pictures of Mt. Evans. I didn't take either picture, but hey, it's better than nothing, right? Oh, and I don't really know who that person is in the picture, but it's a good picture of the view (obviously not as good as seeing it person, but hey, it's a try)


Well, I think that's about it for now. I hope everyone's summers are just going swimmingly!

"Are you listening to this, you fat old Druid? Or are you just staring at my gorgeous face?

That's from J.D. Salinger's Franny and Zooey, I'm really getting into Salinger's works lately, I really like the way he writes his characters, they're so unique and you spend the book getting to know exactly what they are like, even though the entire book maybe spans the time of a few hours. Anyway, I'm back from the south and my trip back. Ah, Emergency exit row with your super extra legroom. It's like the poor man's version of first class. Anyway, I've decided that I am still a Denver girl all the way. My friends tried to convince me that humidity is better because it's like stepping outside into a nice warm damp blanket. I say Gross because perhaps that blanket is warm and damp because someone peed on it. huh? did you think about that? Probably not. My point is that no matter how much time I may spend down there, I will never ever ever appreciate, let alone get used to humidity. Thanks, but no thanks, I prefer my nice semi-arid climate where I get to work for my oxygen, Everyone knows that you have to work a little harder to get the nicest things.

The trip went great, I'm really glad I got to go back for the Missions service, it was fun seeing everyone again, and I'm really glad I got to stay with Bailey, I'm really thankful for her, she's starting to become a really good friend and encouragement to me. It was a nice trip.

I still haven't heard anything yet from the coffee shop, but I should hear by this weekend, keep praying for me, I really need a job! Oh, and I found out that I apparently am a good housesitter! They were happy with everything and they even asked me to housesit again 2 weekends in July, I think I just have a special connection with gay Jewish ladies. God does indeed give many gifts! =)

I also found out, that my family is apparently going to be hosting either 1 Spanish kid for 4 weeks, or 2 Spanish kids for 2 weeks in July. Why? No, I'm asking you. I think it sounds like alot of fun, I guess that whoever we get is here for Tennis or something crazy like that, I don't know how old they are or what gender or if they speak English or basically anything about our potential Hostees, but I hope that whoever it ends up being understands that not all Americans are like our family. Oy, Welcome to America, hope you like your crazy host family and brought your earplugs! What a trip this will be, all around. I'll update more on that later, I'm sure there will be plenty of stories....Oh, the possibilities.

Well, I think that's about it, my summer has been pretty stagnant so far, minus a few things, but I've enjoyed it. Plus I'm not ready for school yet so I'll hold on to whatever I can. Well that's it for tonight, folks! Hasta luego.

I really hate this cat...

Well, house sitting is still going well, the pets are all still alive, although I think I accidentally killed two of the plants. Whoops, I suppose I don't have a green thumb, or plant skills for that matter. The directions she left just said water the plants on the porch everday, or if necessary. Well, in my defense, those are pretty vague directions. I have faithfully performed my duty of watering it everday, but maybe I didn't water them enough, or maybe I watered them too much. Or maybe there was a crazy midweek frost that came in one night and just happened to kill only those two potted plants out front and there was nothing I could do to save them....yeah, that's it. Or maybe I'll just tell her to take some money out of my paycheck as a means to reimburse her for my nonexistent horticulture skills. Oh well, I guess that's the way it goes. Other than that, it's been good. I had a "dinner party" in my make believe grown up house. Which is what I'm referring to this place as now- my make believe house- and it was fun. I made an asian chicken noodle dish that didn't make anyone sick, I take that as a good sign, and it was Me, Ashley West and Derrek, my best friend Ruth, and my friend Alex, freshly on leave from the U.S. Army. Tomorrow we're going to Elitch's (Six Flags to those not from around here) and then who knows what. Friday I'll be in the deep South once more for the weekend. And then, by next week Friday I will hear how my interview went with Taza de Cafe, the coffee shop that I applied to and had an interview for tonight. Hopefully it will work out, I don't want to get my hopes up too much, but they've opened a position partly because one of the regular workers won't be back until August, which is when I'm leaving, so maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to take that spot. Sigh, who knows. I think that's about it for now... I can't really think of anything else profound, or witty, or worthwhile to say, so I think I'll just call it a night.

With Love, as always,
G (illian)

sometimes...oh, sometimes...

Oh the joys of house sitting... So far, I've managed to keep the place running, the 3 pets are still alive and well, I've decided once and for all that I really don't like cats, which is unfortunate for my relationship with the 2 cats I am watching. They're not terrible, but I don't like animals that have more attitude than I do. Cats just really know how to lower a human's self esteem. I think the thing that I am most afraid of though, is that the one cat (named Cat) is 20 years old, the same age as me, however, this roughly translates to being a 96 year old person, somehow I just know this cat is going to die on me. Which is really just the cat's last way of trying to prove itself superior one last time and making me feel bad, which is what cat's live for (or in this case, die for) Anyway, hopefully nothing will happen. I'm here until Friday, then I'm off to South Carolina for the weekend. I'm enjoying getting to experience what it will be like to live on my own. That's about all I've been up to lately, I did see Star Wars Episode III last night with my dad and brother. I liked this one out of the new trilogy the best, but a few things disappointed me 1) Why must we computer graphicize (I know that's not a word) everything including things like Dooku's quadruple flip in the air. Surely they could have done this for real. I hate going to movies and feeling like I'm watching someone play a video game. Maybe I'm just a purist, but I like the old way better. 2) I thought the transformation of Anakin to Darth Vader was good, but the acting...so so. Those were my biggest beefs, but I did enjoy the movie. I still prefer episodes 4-6, but don't we all? Well, we should. Anyway, hats off George Lucas, you did it.

Well I think that's about it now. Oh, wait, there is something important- I found out this week that one of my old classmates, Joel Seidler, along with his family were in a bad car accident this week, and Joel and his mother were killed. I didn't get a chance to know him as well as some of my other classmates, he was only there for about a year, and he was kind of quiet, but he was really really nice. The whole family is going through a pretty rough time, they just lost their dad about 9 months ago to stomach cancer too, and now this. Just pray for the whole family, the sister's are still in the hospital, one's in critical condition and for the other injuries, and just for the family's emotional strength and the financial situation as well. They've got more than I can even imagine going on right now. So, yeah, just pray for them. If you want to read the whole story, you can find it here: http://9news.com/acm_news.aspx?OSGNAME=KUSA&IKOBJECTID=826c66ae-0abe-421a-0077-e6272270a29b&TEMPLATEID=0c76dce6-ac1f-02d8-0047-c589c01ca7bf

Offer not valid in Idaho

"Most of the kids at my school think that being a lil wrangler is cool, but some of the other guys that don't have a life think it's gay, but it's not gay because we're dressing like real cowboys and dancing with girls while they're sitting in the audience talking on cell phones to someone selling drugs or something."
-Seth, Age 14 on why being part of the Lil wrangler dance team is cool

My quote of the day comes from a reality show on Bravo following the lives of parents who push their kids to be great athletes, or dancers in this case. The line just seems straight out of a Christopher Guest movie.

Anyway, It's update time on how God's faithfulness has once again outshadowed, no, eclipsed my sorry excuse for trust. I got an e-mail today from the admissions office, where some of you may know there was a little misunderstanding about my job lined up for the fall. I can't remember right now if I posted about it, but in a nutshell: I was supposed to have a job in admissions again after I couldn't work last semester, but there was a miscommunication and my boss basically told me that I was forgotten about and they already hired too many people so basically I did not have a job. Well anyway, good news came yesterday in the form of an e-mail from Jared (my boss) saying that all was well and he cleared a spot for me! So YAY!!!! God is way to good to me once again and I can rest easy. That's one disaster averted. Sodexho (whom I also like to call Satan's Ho) is still raising my blood pressure and draining my patience. It's not looking good, but I'm still working on the whole trust thing.

Anyway, that's about it for now, I'm gonna be in Anderson the 24-27 so if anyone is reading this that wants to hang out, give me a call! Peace out

Tony Danza is my hero

Ok Folks, here's where I am with my life: I have no money, because I have no job (as far as St. Anthony's Central Hospital is making it look anyway, if I do have a job, they're really doing a tip-top job of keeping this vital fact from me) I have credit card bills that are supposed to be getting paid off right now, but when you don't make an income, well...you get the picture, I have a trip to Peru that still needs to be paid off, but I won't be redundant with my complaints, I spend my days bored out of my skull, but it looks like soon I'll be able to replace some of that boredom with anxiety about how I'm going to pay off these debts by August which should have been almost completely paid off by now. Oh, yes, and I can also begin to figure out where in the wide world of Anderson will hire me so that maybe, just maybe, I can scrape together some money to finish paying off whatever debts I know I won't be able to during the summer. If I were more into the genre, I would probably write a country song. I'm getting frustrated because I feel like I'm not even getting a chance to follow through with my intentions to be able to be responsible for my finances. I'm really trying hard to be patient and be worry-free, but goodness, it's tough when money is involved. I know that God is trying to prune me, and apparently, this is a dang big branch, so if I sound like a horrible selfish, untrusting person...I am. But God's working, so I guess the only thing is to pray that God gives me the strength where I clearly do not have my own.

Would you kiss a llama?

Another boring day today. I'm honestly ready for something to be happening in my life. Well, as much as I may make it sound, today wasn't a total bust. I finished picking out the paint colors for my uncle's living room. He liked all of my first choices so that's always a good sign. He's going to have a Southwestern/Hopi Indian/Desert type place. The walls are going to be a yellow-ish sandy color and I decided that a very light 6inch turquoise stripe running horizontally on the walls will make a very nice accent as well as visually tie in all the Hopi artwork he has. My uncle has a very nice collection, so that's really going to be the main focus. Blah Blah Blah design stuff. I'm sure you are all foaming at the mouth to hear more, but I'll spare you. Anyway, I also bought a new address book at Barnes and Noble, it says "Little Black Book" on the front and it made me laugh, which is why I bought it. Also at Barnes and Noble, I was thrilled to find another person that shares my same quirky habit. As I was turning the corner between the World War II shelf and the current affairs section, I spotted him, standing by the classic paperback fiction table, smelling Ernest Hemingway's For Whom the Bell Tolls. That's right folks, I am now confident in saying that I am not weird for enjoying the smell of books. Not just taking a small sniff of the air, but opening the book to a random page, putting your nose in the book and taking a big whiff. It's the smell of potential. The potential of learning. Does is not excite you to walk into a library, or stand in front of a bookcase and think "Man, what will I possibly learn today?" There's such opportunity there. You can learn, well, anything! You can discover the world of wildflowers, the biography of Douglas MacArthur, Spanish expletives (Mierda, by the way is Spanish for Sh**) You can learn about different people, different places, or just pick up a classic and relish in good literature. And that, my friend, is why I like to smell books. It's not the actual smell of paper, it's the smell of possibility. *Ahem* Nerd Alert! But anyway, to end the story, when the guy saw me, I think he got embarrassed because he left quickly before I could tell him that we should be friends, but I'm sure we would have had he not bolted. After that, I went back home, but on the way stopped at a gas station to pick up a new bottle of wiper fluid and rejoiced a little at my small feat of being able to replace the wiper fluid myself with absolutely no help and no mishaps along the way, proving that I am not completely helpless should the Lord will for me to be on my own permanently. It's a good feeling. Really. Well that concludes my day. Tune in tomorrow for the next part in the series. Same Blog Time, Same Blog Channel.

What I did on my summer vacation...

CROCS
Originally uploaded by Denverdesigner07.

The title of my blog is Finding Fulfillment, well, I may not have necessarily found fulfillment today, but in the constant effort to battle the summertime out-of-a-job nothing to do blues, I feel that today, I have reigned victorious in defeating those oh so present blues. So here's what I did today, *ahem* After sleeping in, I watched an old Humphrey Bogart movie called The Caine Mutiny, a very good movie indeed, then I did nothing, then I took a shower, then I went to the Flatiron Crossing Mall where I spent my NY and Company birthday gift card (many thanks to Bailey and Rachel) and witnessed the latest trend. If you will, direct your attention to the photo and behold "Crocs" the latest footwear fashion. These have been literally EVERYWHERE lately, and I just figured out what they're called today. I am in awe, really. Are these the new birkenstocks? Because let me tell you, I still haven't caught on with the Birkenstock trend, and now all of a sudden these so called "crocs" come on the scene? I can't keep up. I don't understand them, and I feel old and out of the loop. Someone please explain
Anyway, then I ended up at Barnes and Noble where I engaged in one of my favorite pastimes- People Watching! I've decided that if ever I am to be in a relationship, the guy is going to have to enjoy silly little things like people watching and making up stories about their lives and all those other dumb things that I take great joy in. Anyway, it was nice, I read (and bought) J.D. Salinger's "Nine Stories" It's very good, not normally what I think I'd like. Alot darker than what I normally like, but I love the way he writes. I get so engrossed in the story and I can picture it so vividly. It's simple stories about the everyday, but poignant. Definitely on Gillian's Recommended Summer Reading list. Anyway, then I headed to Wal-Mart where I got hit on by a guy selling magazines, wanting to know if I liked country music and if I drank and why I was single...blah blah blah...cheesy pick up lines...but what do you know, I got 2 years of Architectural Digest for the low low price of 20 dollars (which includes the "I want to go out with you" discount) Thank you Weird Magazine guy, and better luck next time with the whole date scene. Gross.
Well, that's been my day so far, Who knows what crazy new adventures will take place tonight as I sit here, and then maybe end up going to a coffee shop later. Oh the possibilities...

P.s. I just wanted to note that I do in fact realize that I type alot more when I actually don't have anything to say as opposed to when I do. I think it's me trying to overcompensate and add some spice to my bland life. Eh, what can you do?

Where the parties don't stop til 8 in the mornin'

Oh, Summer Days, what a love/hate relationship. I think I've watched more TV this past week than I did all year long at school. My mind is rapidly degenerating into a giant mush ball of laziness. Pros: I'm not stressed out of my mind like usual; Cons: I'm losing my mind with boredom. I think I'll find that happy medium once I get back to work. Which by the way, if you're ever contemplating working for Sodexho Nutrition Services at St. Anthony's Central Hospital, you probably should ask yourself this question: Do I like getting screwed over? If the answer is 'no' I suggest you continue on your job hunt. Let me explain, I've been a happy employee of St. Anthony's Central Hospital Nutrition Services department since 2000, it was a great department to work for, great job, great pay, and I really loved the people at the hospital. The patients were happy with our service and I was happy to be a part of the team that provided it. It was a dream, honest. But then last summer, American greed set in and the evil corporate food service conglam-o Sodexho (i.e. satan) had to come in and run out our food service dream and take over with their big code books and crappy uniforms and profit driven ways. They stopped caring about the patient and started caring about profits. A sad tale indeed, but unfortunately true. Well anyway, I've never liked sodexho, but I still work at the hospital, but here's how they screwed me over this time. My brother and I both work at the hospital so we have the same boss and everything, well we both got back to Colorado the same time so we were going to start work about the same time, My brother got on the Schedule June 1st, I however wasn't on the schedule so I called the office to see what the deal was, and then they tell me that I never told them I was coming back (nevermind the messages I left clearly stating that I was coming back and my visit there to tell them in person I'm coming back) so they say, "oh, well, we probably can't get you on the schedule until the 18th." In the timeless words of Charlie Brown "AAARRRGGH" Oh well, I don't have any bills to pay or gas to pay for or any of those normal things that require money. Sheesh. Anyway, it's not too terrible though, I'm helping my Uncle design his living room that he's paying me for and I also got a job house sitting for someone, so that'll be good. Well that's my frustration of the week. In other news, I have high hopes for doing fun things this summer, there are a few concerts I want to catch (including Sufjan Stevens, Madeline Peyroux, and a few others), some trails I definitely want to go Hiking on, some Street fairs that are always fun, and I really want to go Kayaking this summer, so if anyone wants to come visit me and go kayaking, drop a line, because I really want to go. Well, I suppose that's about it for now, I can't say that I have any exciting stories to share now, but give it time, I'm sure they'll come...

Juan Muchacho es muy muscoloso

Well. I'm back, after almost a full month on the road I made it back to Denver. Everything was good. Chicago was great, Minnesota was awesome, and Peru was too good for words. I love Peru. I love everything about Peru, and I felt sooooo happy being there. I find myself daydreaming about when I'm going to get to go back. I'm really really really considering doing an internship down there at the English language institute. I would do it as soon as possible if I could, but I think for now, God is telling me to wait. I think I'm supposed to finish school first. However, I've been weighed down with a lot of thoughts lately about what I want for my future. It's weird, I've got sooo many thoughts running through my head, too many to sort out now, but pray for me, to have patience and to have wisdom and trust to listen to God's perfect plan. Well, I said I would post more about Peru when I got back, but I don't have pictures yet soo...now it's your turn to wait for it with patience. :)

Un poste rapido de Peru

Ahora estoy en Perú! Things here are going very well. Some turbulence back in the states for me but I'm not going to think about it now. I'll probably post a long thing later complete with pictures and all that good stuff, but for now, I just wanted to say that I'm here and I'm safe and I'm loving it. The memories are flooding back from when I went here with Ruth the first time, and I've gotta be honest, the first thing that came back to me was the smell of Lima. I totally forgot what it smelled like, but as soon as I stepped out of the airport and was met by the huge crowd of taxi drivers, it was like an instant memory brought to life. I love being able to feel comfortable in a foreign country, and alot of my Spanish has come back to me! No one in the group speaks Spanish and I'm surprising myself alot when I'm able to translate for others, it makes me want to go sign up for a Spanish class right now so I can be completely fluent. Well, like I said more to come later, probably when I get back. I cannot wait to get back home and just relish in Colorado once more. I miss it soooooo much and though It's wonderful down here, I really need to get home. I'll post pictures when I get them, so, until then Bendiciones de Dios a Usted!

Alma! Check your battery...

Why do I always end my titles with ellipses? Ellipses are the most intruiging of all grammatical punctuation I think. It's like I'm trying to entice you to keep reading, because maybe, just maybe, there will be some earth shattering material or some amazingly eloquent prose that might just change your life, (even though most of the time, my entries aren't really worth seeing to the end). Oh well, did you fall into my trap today? Probably. I would have too.

Well anyway, I'm still here in Chicago and it's good to be in a real city again. I love city life, I love the sights, the sounds, the smells (the good ones anyway) and one of the things that I love about being in big cities is that there is always something new to discover or explore. I suppose the same is true for smaller cities as well, but I like to have alot of options. When I take walks around a city, I always like to look for signs of nature and life and how it has adapted to the city. If I were a photographer, I would do a series of nature in industrialism. For instance, the lilac bush that's growing out of the crack in the sidewalk or the bird that is scavenging on the highway median or the vines that are wrapping themselves around fire hydrants and street signs. It wouldn't be a political or social statement in favor of nature over machinery or anything, but it's always been something that has interested me. I'm torn sometimes, because a big part of me is sad when I see how man's "progress" has destroyed God's creation, but I suppose I'm also a product of my society and get excited about big cities and lots of people and living the big city life. I'm a paradox to even myself sometimes. Anyway, Tulips. That is one area in which Chicago has excelled. The tulips here are pretty darn amazing, the blooms are as big as grapefruits and the colors are just spectacular. I have a picture of them as my phone's background and it makes me happy. Alright, well, I didn't really have too much to say today, but I'm getting really excited, because tomorrow, my brother and I leave for Minnesota where we will be spending 5 glorious days with my second family, the Siefkes, and our dear friends the Correas will be there too. The unholy trinity of Missy, Ruth and Gillian will manifest itself once more in Mankato, MN and then after that, I will be heading to Peru. I'm beyond looking forward to going to Peru and doing missions there and all that's left for me to do is be patient for the blessing that is to come. I hope I can talk to people before then, give me a call if you have time, otherwise, I'm going to try and send a letter with some pictures when I get back. God's blessings everyone. Stay tuned....


...Just kidding. No more ellipses for today =).

Inner thoughts of an exhausted girl

Well my sophomore year is done, thank God. Most people had their last two week sprint to the end, for me it was more like I stumbled at the beginning of the last 2 weeks, I fell, then rolled a few times, and I skidded face first over the finish line. But that doesn't matter because I made it to the end. I ended up with decent grades 2 Bs and 5 As, and I'm sure you can all guess which 2 classes the B's were in. I think Ms. Martin really just thinks the grading scale only goes up to a B. Anyway I won't bethink on the semester too much, it doesn't matter now because my 4 months of blissful freedom are here. I'm supposed to do nothing but relax until August. So why aren't I relaxed right now? Well probably because I'm going to be a Nomad for the next 3 weeks, and I'm going to love the places I'm going, but I really just feel right now like I am a weary vagabond that needs home but can't quite get there yet. I think I might still just be tired from school though. I feel like a balloon that's been completely depleted of whatever air supply I was given at first, and now Im just on the floor, sad and being stepped on by some snotty nosed kid who doesn't want a broken balloon. Ok just kidding about the last part, but I am tired. Anyway, well I don't know what to write, I'm feeling alot of things right now. I'm happy school is over with for now, I'm sad that I had to leave my friends, I'm happy to see my family, I'm apprehensive about when I'm going to get sleep before everything begins to take place, and I'm glad to be getting home, but wishing I were there now. Sigh... Life...I think that's all I can say about that

Well anyway, Here's a question, If you were to be described by people with one word, what word would you want people to describe you as? Just curious...I would want my word to be inquisitive. I want people to see me as always on a quest for knowledge and experience and just hungry to soak in my surroundings Don't ask me why, but I hope that's true for me. Well I gotta go my battery is about to die. Hope everyone is doing well!

What's happened to me?

Hello Blogspot my old friend...

I've come to write on you again.... Anyway, so I suppose it's been a few days since I last posted something, almost 2 weeks but those 2 weeks were quite possibly some of the most jam packed weeks I've experienced. Last week especially. Lots of things happened, too many things happened. I didn't really enjoy it all that much. Now, I don't want to be one to be all morose about things, but I will retrospect for a tid bit. Ok, so this past week, my schedule was inhuman. Among extra rehearsals for string ensemble and orchestra, RUF, playing for Collin, playing for Joseph, playing for church, String ensemble concert thursday, birthday Friday, dress rehearsal saturday, formal saturday, church Sunday, Concert Sunday, another all nighter for my design project that was due monday, my parent's visiting from Thursday to Sunday, visiting my aunt and uncle sunday, and oh yeah classes on top of that, I was at the end of my rope. I was so frustrated because I was being pulled in 15 different directions, and none of them were my own. I know that I do alot and I volunteer for alot of stuff, but some of it I didnt volunteer for, and I think I was (and possibly still am) at the point where I just want everyone to leave me alone. I love helping out with things and all that jazz, but I feel like after I would say yes to one thing, others started just expecting me to do things sometimes without even asking. But I don't want to make myself out to be a martyr or anything, but I need a break. When you're too busy that you forget your own birthday, and then realize that you're too busy and tired to celebrate it, it's a problem. I'm stressed and exhausted, I have a knot in my shoulders the size of Iowa and I've lost control of my life, but this isn't a new thing for me. This has been going on all year and I'm sick of it. I've done just about everything short of selling my soul to try and get ahead and please people and impress people and I don't know why I do it. Why do I do it? I thought that this semester was going really great and that things were getting back into order, but this last month has just been utter chaos again. I need sleep. I need a break. And I really need to get out of Anderson for 3 months. I can't even think of anything else right now except making it this last week and then not even thinking about school until august. which is exactly what I need. The problem is, will I have the energy and/or motivation to finish out this last week, because I'm not sure I do. People don't believe me when I tell them I'm thisclose to just quitting school right now. They think I'm to committed for that and that I would never make such a rash decision. Sometimes I wish I would make rash decisions like that and totally blow everyone's expectations including mine. Expectations are a funny thing... Anyway, enough from lake woebegone. Sorry my first post back was little more than melancholic. Oh well,

...and the vision that was planted in my brain still remains within the sound of silence.

Sesame Strizzle

Sesame Strizzle
Originally uploaded by Denverdesigner07.

This picture comes from a website that is quite possibly one of the funniest ones I've seen in a really long time. Go to www.gizoogle.com and just explore the wonderments that await you. The language is a little rough sometimes (you might not want to go there mom) but I think the hilarity more than makes up for the dirty words. Just wanted to post the picture because it is way too freakin hilarious.

You bet your sweet Aspercreme

Well...I'm not sure I really started this post with anything to write other than just that I think I'm getting back on track. I got my very first 20th birthday gift today in the mail. Gracias to Marcus for the Pizza and Root beer kits, I can't wait to try out the pizza in the toaster oven that we don't technically have *wink* Anyway, yeah. It's been kind of nuts this week and my thoughts are still scattered on a lot of things. I guess I didn't realize it so much at the time, but I've been going through a rough time this semester, even though it was a different type of roughness, kind of a masked rough spot, but still, I didn't realize it so much until a little while ago. I guess I've just kind of been in a funk lately. Not to say that this semester has sucked entirely, but it's not been what I expected it to be. New friends have come into my life, some old friends left, some friends stayed put, but the relationship changed, but Changes...Isn't that what life is full of? David Bowie seems to think so. School work has also been interesting. Sophomore reviews really impacted me. More so than I thought they would. I'm starting to figure out more of who I am and what places things have in my life; what I want for myself and how I want to go about obtaining those desires; what I need in life, and how much patience I'll need to wait for it. So my blog posts haven't been extraordinarily upbeat lately, but I haven't been either. I wanted so badly to just get back to normal and be able to care alot about my work and interior design and everything, but then it just got to a point where I needed a break from everything. like I said earlier, I was pretty much at the end of my rope. I talked to some people about how I basically just wanted to run the opposite direction from interior design, that I just wanted to quit for a little while and go and just help people however God want's me to help them. But I needed to let go, and figure out that this is what God wants for me and even if I feel like I am in the shadows and there is no end in sight, God will lead me through the pits and the mucky muck (little Tenacious D allusion for you) I just am glad that God is still pruning me. Even if whatever I go through sucks beyond all belief, if nothing else I know that it is for my benefit and that God is doing it to grow me in Him. What a blessing and comfort. See everyone Later!