coffee shop post

Here I sit once more at Tenn Street Coffee. Though today I am drinking White Peony Tea rather than my usual. It's pretty good, little too "grass-like" for my taste, but good overall. Ipod is rocking, laptop is a-typing and brain is wandering.

I'm watching the UPS truck tyr to back up through the foot of snow that is on the ground. Yes that's right, Denver is currently in what the media has been calling "Round 2" It's nice though. This go round is more relaxed. Last time we had over 2 feet of snow literally dumped on the city within 24 hours. It's still snowing right now, but it's a little bit more of a peaceful downfall. I'll take some more pictures and maybe post them. It's pretty.

So with coffee(tea), my music, my laptop, and my brain, I'm now in the mood to both look back and forward. I think the past four years, by the time New Years rolls around, I start getting excited about going back to school. this year not so much. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the fact that there is still a threat that the school will bulldoze our house. Maybe it's the fact that my fall semester ended on not so great of a note with a teacher and I don't want to go back to that. Maybe it's because I'm loving the place where I work and It's hard for me to pull myself away from the amazing people and company. Maybe it's the fact that this is my last semester of college and since I know I'm moving out of the country in July, I just want to spend time with my family. Maybe it's all of this.

I do want to spend time with my friends though and everyone I love in Anderson. I think I have a love/hate relationship with Anderson. The things I love...I love soooo much, my friends, Most of my professors, the opportunities I've had musically and otherwise have been good. But the thing I don't like are enough to keep me away. It's kind of weird. Of course there will be good and bad wherever I am, likes and dislikes, but Anderson just feels different. Maybe it's just because I know that I'm not going to be there for more than 5 months. If you know that you're going to be leaving something soon, you feel differently about it.

So many changes are happening all around me. Friends are getting married, couples are expecting babies, people are gaining opportunities all over the place, and I am going to live in Peru.

So many changes. But that's good.

Denver's Hip Hangout of the Day!

Blah Blah Blah, Gillian Loves Denver, everyone knows this. BUT bear with me, because as most of you know I really love finding little unique things about my city, and today My mom and I went to two of what will quickly become my favorite places in North Denver

The first is The Oriental Theater. It was this theater built in 1927 in Denver that used to be the hip spot to see a movie. Long story short, it went through alot of rough times, closed as a theater but was reopened as a concert venue recently. It's very awesome inside with lots of Mediterranean details. AND On top of that, MELTZ is located inside and serves food during concerts. Meltz is a gourmet grilled cheese restaurant. A what? A gourmet grilled cheese restaurant. They have some pretty awesome things there. You can make your own grilled cheese and choose from all these different types of cheeses and breads and what not, or choose something from their menu. My mom and I split a PBA & B (Peanut Butter, Apple, and Brie Sandwich) It was pretty amazing. It was perhaps the most unique restaurant I've been to. But it was good! And good prices too. So if you ever find yourself in Denver...Call me! And we'll go out for some trendy grilled cheese sandwiches and maybe catch a concert afterwards.






Secondly, We also all know how addicted to coffee I am, so anytime I can find a good new coffee shop, I get excited. So today, after my mom and I split our PBA & B, we found Tenn Street Coffee, a coffee shop/bookstore Here's what's nice about Tenn Street

1) They serve Daz Bog Coffee which is by far my favorite coffee roasting company, and they are (naturally) based out of Denver, though obviously a Russian roasting company. They're amazingAMAZING.
2) They have books. Lots of books. Half the store is dedicated to the Library. Most of the books are used so you can come in and make a trade or buy a used book for about half the cost.
3) As with any good coffee shop, Wi-fi is a must so that I can enjoy my coffee and relax. And rather than just having free wi-fi, they also have computer work stations, so if you don't have a laptop, you can hop on one of their computers for free. I think that's very nice of them.




So that's about it. Those were my two awesome Denver finds of the day. Dare I say it once more? Ok, I will. I love my city!

Snow, snow, snow

Well the blizzard of 2006, as it was quickly titled is over. The roads are.....clearing. Decently safe to drive on if you know what you're doing, and of course, there is the small population of out-of-staters and others that do not know how to safely drive in the snow, but like to pretend that safety is no concern in their expensive car. Most of us Coloradans refer to them as "Those idiots in their big dumb SUVs"

Other than that, I had a wonderful time in the snow, as seen in this picture. This is me, having just fallen backwards into 3 feet of champagne powder snow in the middle of my street. With the blizzard, nobody went anywhere, making it perfectly acceptable to play in the middle of the street. I love the snow. I love everything about it. Watching it fall to the ground is so peaceful and once it blankets the city, you just automatically feel good inside. Sure it's cold, but it's refreshing. And even though sometimes getting stuck isn't the greatest, I am a firm believer that during blizzards, people unite and good things happen. I know I probably sound like I believe that man is inherently good (I can't remember which -ism that is), but I promise you, when there anytime there is a big blizzard in Colorado, good works can be found all over the place. Alot of times, it's small things, like helping each other dig someone's car out of a 6 foot snow drift, or helping travelers who are stranded, but it's times like these that just make me happy. People are nicer to each other, maybe because we're all in the same snowy boat, but whatever it is, It's a breath of fresh air. It's interesting to me that people seem to come together the easiest when everyone realizes that they are not in control, I think that's where people's attitudes are different. Once people get over themselves and see that other people need help, people step up. It's nice. Sometimes I wish it would happen more often =)

Merry Christmas Everyone!!! I hope that your holiday is joyful!

I need a riveting title...how will this ever win a grammy for soundtrack of the year???

This little diddy is nothing new. BUT I haven't ever done it, so with thanks to Marie, as well as a few other blogs that I've seen. I now present you with the soundtrack to my life straight from my ipod. The smartmouth comments will however be from me.

SO IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...

1. Opening Credits: "You've made me so Very Happy" Blood, Sweat and Tears

2.Waking Up: "Part of Your World" Ariel from the Little Mermaid

3.First Day of School: "Pinball Wizard" The Who

4. Falling in Love: "In the Mood" Glenn Miller

5. Fight Song: "Communication Breakdown" Led Zeppelin

6. Breaking Up: "Love in War" Outkast

7. Prom: "She's a Rainbow" The Rolling Stones

8. Life: "Kung Fu Fighting" Carl Douglas

9. Mental Breakdown: "Under Pressure" -Queen

10. Driving: " Mendelssohn Octet- mvt. 1"

11. Flashback: "Wishing you were somehow here again" Emmy Rossum, from The Phantom of the Opera

12. Getting Back Together: "Keep on the Sunny Side" The Whites from O Brother Where art Thou?

13. Wedding: "Storm Coming" Gnarls Barkley

14. Birth of a Child: "It's a Boy" The Who I'm not even lying about this one.

15. Final Battle: "Hips don't lie" Shakira featuring Wyclef

16. Death Scene: "Weary Blues" Madeline Peyroux

17. Funeral Song: "Somebody Stole my Gal" Fats Waller

20. End Credits: "When the Music's Over" -The Doors



Ok so based on some facts, here's what I've deducted about what the move of my life will be like: First, This is most likely a film given from the perspective of anybody who has ever met me- See Number 1 :) This also is a heartwarming animated film (See 2) about my struggles through a very rigorous pinball school (See 3) or maybe I just ripped off Tommy. Based on Number 4, this movie will probably be rated PG13. 5 and 6 don't need any explanation, but 7 gives me the idea, this movie will be set in the 60s. While 8 leads me to believe that I am an excellent Kung Fu Master. Sweeet. 9-13, enough said, but ok guys, I'm pretty 14 just rings loudly with me and echos my view of marriage (Disclaimer, I'm not against marriage, but I don't know if it is right for me). Ok moving on, 14 was an awesome coincidence and I'd like to point out that this would not be the birth of my child. Good Lord, I'm still in pinball school. And 15 has got to be my favorite song. Apparently this fight scene is actually a dance off.

It's cinematic gold. Who wouldn't pay to see this movie? I will be taking suggestions for titles by the way.

You wish you had this drive...

I realize that just about every fourth word out of my mouth usually has something to do with how much I love Colorado and why I think my state is the greatest. Well, another tidbit about why I think Colorado is the best is coming your way right now.

This is just a little part of what I see everyday on my way to work. Commutes supposedly suck, but mine really isnt bad, 20 minutes of semi-congested traffic and an amazing view. I would be ridiculous to ask for more.

So there's the "My state is awesome" fact of the day. This picture isn't even the full extent of it, but you know. a little glimpse is nice.

Other than that, things are going just swimmingly! I've been back at work for one week and it's been fabulous. I got right back into the game the first day and I still love working there. The people are incredible, I love the company, and everyone is just so encouraging to me! It's been a true privilege to work for Kathey Pear and Citron WorkSpaces, and who knows, maybe after I get back from Peru, there will be a spot for me! It's been a blessing without a doubt. God has led me to the most incredible places, and by led I truly mean, I did just about no work to get there. I have been blessed in all aspects of my life, incredible opportunities have literally been dropped in my lap, and all I can do is thank God. Even though I don't always realize it or show it, one thing that I have been learning throughout my life is just how small I really am, yet how big God is to take care of me, a poor miserable sinner. I will never understand God's infinite grace and love, but it's incredible to know that it is there, and that his mercies are fresh everday.

Homeward bound....I wish I were, Hooomeward bound

Simon and Garfunkel have nothing on me. I am now in Topeka Kansas where I am stationed for the evening. Typing happily on the Holiday Inn Express computer that is in the "business center" The business center coincidentally enough is a room with a table and four chairs and one desktop computer in the corner. Clearly, I have splurged on my hotel stay.

But hey, as long as this computer is working, I am a happy camper. I am about 8 hours from home where I will spending my Christmas vacation working full time at Citron WorkSpaces a dealership/design firm that specializes in offices and commercial spaces. I love it. I love the people, I love the company, I love the work, and I especially love feeling like I have accomplished something with my past four years of schooling. If I were not moving to Peru, I probably would be applying for a real job there. And this of course is a lead- in for my topic du jour:

So...while on the open road, traveling through Kansas or missouri or wherever the heck I was, I was thinking about my past four years at Anderson, and more specifically my decision for my interior design major and music minor. I've gotten feedback from people about these two areas of study (feedback which was not asked for by the way) and usually the people that give me the feedback are the people that are bothered by the fact that I study two seemingly contradicting things. Now, I thought long and hard about some of the criticisms that I've had for having a minor- mainly the "concern" that I would be a better interior designer if I would quit music and focus only on interior design and that music inhibits me from doing well in design. And this is what bothers me the most- I am bothered by the assumption that because I have two passions, one or both are suffering and that I need to only choose one.

To this I say "You're silly."

And here's why-
I truly feel that God called me to Anderson, SC to study interior design as my major and I actually did not even go into college with the intent to get a music minor, but only to play in the orchestra and sing in the choir. As it worked out, I had incredible music opportunities while at Anderson, opportunities that I might not have had anywhere else, and I also feel that I was led to capitalize on these and advance musically. I have never regretted only minoring in music. Music is a passion, but it is not a career calling. Design is. Now, the false stigma is still there that I am injuring my career in design by not giving all my attention to it. I 100% believe that this is completely false. I have given 100% of my attention to design overall and though of course not everday was an overwhelming success, I can still remain dedicated. I know that Ive made mistakes and that I've learned a lot through trial and error, but it is beyond my comprehension why people would discourage me from advancing musically as well as artistically. I have two passions, and I dedicate myself to both. Neither is suffering. I know that not everyone will understand it, but I know that it is possible. Case in Point- My mom. She is about to graduate with her Doctorate of Nursing next week. Doctorate. And she has been playing the piano and organ amazingly for various churches since she was a teenager. She's the best singer I know, I am constantly amazed by her piano and organ talents. She plays for two churches right now while balancing a home, and a very advanced career- she's won many awards also for nursing, including a Nightingale award, which is a huge deal.

I see her and her passion for both and I get all the more motivated to prove I can do it, or realize that so far I have done it. The fact that I have two passions is not a hindrance, it is a chance for me to work harder than others to improve both. I don't want to sound like I'm better than anyone else, or that I think more highly of myself because I enjoy two different things, but God has given me talents in different areas, and I feel like I would be untrue to myself and more importantly, untrue to God if I were to quit either.

Ok...well, um I think I'm going to step down from my soap box now. I just had to get that out of me, it's been on my mind for a few days and the open road only gave me time to mull over it. =)

On a much less serious/frustrated note, I did pass a street called Buttrub That's right...butt-rub. Back to you, Silly Gilly.

Go West, young Gillian.

Oh my. back to school already.

Not too bad, I mean, how much damage can one school week do? hopefully i will not be eating those words later. This actually probably will be a very good week and a half. Here's what my schedule is looking like.

Wednesday- Class and then one more class
Thursday- No class, work the afternoon
Friday- Class, then cello lesson
Friday and Saturday nights- various and sundry Christmas pageants
Sunday- Church
Monday- Nothing
Tuesday-Nothing
Wednesday- One and only final exam
Thursday-Nothing

Clearly, Im swamped. :)

Anyway, other than the pressures of my strenous schedule, things here are pretty good. It's just that last 2 week rut for me, when I just think, man, I really don't want to pack. So I put it off until the day before I leave for home. Oh yeah, I'm driving back to Colorado by myself again. Whee! Feel free to call and distract me from the natural wonders of places like "Paducah, Kentucky; Boonville, Missouri; Junction City, Kansas; and any other thriving metropolis that you can name along Interstate 70 headed West. 3 days of jam packed craziness is what I like to think of the drive. I know it's not true, but sometimes I can trick myself into thinking it's exciting. Anyway, this will be the last time that I make that trek home for Christmas. I think I'm supposed to feel sad at this point, but I think I'm kind of indifferent. Is that bad? It's not that I hate anderson or regret the last four years, but I think I've gotten used to looking forward to the next step in life...which coincidentally enough is another Continent South of here. I bet the blog that I type one year from now will be a lot different. =)

I need an outlet- this isn't a happy post.

This was the first Thankgiving without him.

Words of course cannot say how much I miss him. It's been about 4 months since my grandpa died and although the grief doesn't necessarily affect me daily anymore, I still miss him so much. I always will. Overall Thanksgiving was good, but of course- different. There was a big part missing. and even though my family shared many genuine laughs and smiles, I think in our hearts, we all knew who everyone was thinking about. If I didn't carry the promise that this life is not the end, I don't know what I would do. I'll never understand why God blessed me so much with my family, but I will eternally be thankful for all of them, especially my grandparents for raising me in the promises of Christ. My grandmother has had alzheimer's for the past 7 years, going on 8, and I can't say that she's doing well. She misses him probably more than any of us. He loved and took care of her so much, he spent every last ounce of his energy providing for her and making sure that she was well taken care of. We went to his gravesite today after church. Today was the first time that I had been to the church where his funeral was since the actual funeral. It was weird being there. My grandma started crying during the service. She misses him so much. Afterwards, we went to the gravesite. Today was the first time I'd been there since his burial. My mom told me my grandma breaks down every time she goes there. She gets down on the grass and cries and kisses his headstone. She misses him more than anyone. And the hardest part is not that he' s gone, because even though my selfishness wants him here to help me, he is resting. And I know in the deep of my heart that it's better that way, no matter what my emotions say to me here on earth. but the hardest part is watching my grandmother. she's deteriorated so much and It's so hard to watch her struggle with the alzheimers. she's so confused and hard for her when she doesn't understand things and doesn't know how to express her frustration. It's hard on my family trying to take care of her, and not always understanding her. And it's especially hard knowing that her end is probably coming soon. She's moving into a nursing home soon I think, and it's going to be hard taking her from the home that she's been in for the past 50 years to some place where our family can't be with her 24/7, but we can't watch her 24/7. it's too much, and it's wearing everyone down. And it's hard for me to not be here to help when I hear how the rest of my family needs help. I want to be here, and even though I would leave school in a heartbeat to help if I knew that I needed to, I know that is not what God wants me to do right now. and it's hard to understand that sometimes. I don't know what else to call it besides hard. I hate talking about it. Normally, I would probably just delete this post before I let it publish, because I hate people knowing. Not that I don't want people to pray for my family, or because I think I can handle it myself, but because I know that it's too much for me to have people asking me about it. When people ask how my family is doing, I cannot honestly answer that everything's fine or that things are stable. It's not. but people dont always understand the situation, so I have to explain it, and if I start talking about it, I'll break down everytime, so it's easier for me to avoid the question all together. I know people say I you can't keep things bottled up, but if I don't put some sort of a stopper there, nothing is going to be held back. so please, let me deal with this with my family, they know and understand and all of us are a sort of silent companion for each other I think. We all are carrying the same emotions, and because my grandpa built such strong family ties, we can stick together through this. I'm never more comfortable than when my family is together. And whether it be eating a feast, sharing memories, sharing grief, or just being together, we all have had the same values instilled into us by Gilbert and Jeanne Cordova. I can think of no two better people on earth.

I don't do that sort of thing.

so....it's always hard to know where to begin when you haven't written in awhile. Do I fill in every last detail about the past [enter said time since last post]? or do I keep it brief and light and not really say anything at all? Well I have never really been a fan of opening your mouth without having something to say, so I might just have to dig a little bit deep and try to come up with something somewhat worthwhile.


Knock Knock....

I'm just kidding.

So here I am, one week away from being home and my sight is so focused on that plane trip right now it's not even funny. Unfortunately, this little thing called life likes to get its kicks and giggles by trying to kill me before I can go home. Man, I have so much stuff to do before Tuesday, so of course, the first thing I do is turn to the computer to check facebook, myspace, and write more on my blog. Good Call Gillian.

Well anyway, that's what's new on the old school front. Other than that, I realized today that I have 6 weddings to go to within the next 7 months. holy moly. First of all, apparently I missed the "2006 Engagement Fest" promotional flyer. Second, I have never been in a wedding before and now I'm in 3 of them; Third, see number 1 again. I'm glad I'm not getting married anytime soon...or ever if I can help it. I don't see myself as the type. You can ask me about that later if you want.

Well, 3 bridesmaids dresses will end up costing a pretty penny I think. Yikes. So there you have it, call me cynical call me bitter that's fine, but don't call me Shirley.

It really is ridiculous...

I just got invited to join a facebook group called "People laugh at My laugh"

I never realized that my laugh was ridiculous until other people started pointing it out. Just goes to show that your perception of yourself rarely matches other's perception of you.

Thought for the Day!

I still got it in me...

I turned in my Senior City Club Design project today. After many many long hours and late nights, and missed hours of sleep, I turned it in today. I'm tired, I'm exhausted, but I'm done and I'm happy with the work I did and I'm one step closer to finishing my long 4 years of that favorite pastime called college. So I'm not really going to write much today, I just wanted to give myself an electronic pat on the back and let everyone know that in 6 weeks, I am done with my design classes and on my way to earning that degree and then going down to Peru. What in the world? This life is crazy.

Coffee shop + Headphones + Laptop = New blog entry post

Perhaps I fit the stereotype of a college student too much, but I really love spending alot of time in coffee shops with my music playing and my big books scattered in front of me along with the laptop where I "pen" my deep and intellectual thoughts that are spilling over in my mind.

Well, I don't know about that exactly, I think I break the stereotype with the way that I go about my coffee shop time. Especially about last part, my thoughts are not usually worth spilling out to anyone, but I do like to write sometimes. And I'm not playing acoustic indie music, right now I'm listening to classical music, and will probably be following that with some disney music, or some british underground rap (it's true). And the books I have scattered in front of me is one book that I'm skimming at best. Oh well, at first glance you would probably think I'm a trendy, intelligent college student that has something philosophical to mull over.

I'm not sure I was going anywhere with this post today. I feel like alot of my posts this year are going to end up being very retrospective because of the nature of senior year, and I'm trying to avoid that as much as possible. I mean the last 4 years have been great, and it's probably good to look back on what type of person I am and how far I've come yadda yadda yadda, but you can only do that a few times before you're just too darn schmaltzy. Who even likes that? That's right no one.

That and my space bar key isn't working very well, so it takes me double the amount of time to type things because I have to lambaste the space bar until it works. It's very convenient.

Oh Dionne...

So, let's start from the beginning. Every year Anderson, SC has a giant fireworks celebration over labor day weekend on that Sunday and the Anderson professional orchestra plays during the fireworks and sometimes they'll even have a B or C list singer come and join in for the festivities. Well this year, the symphony (which I played for this year by the way) had the most awesome opportunity of playing with the illustrious Ms. Dionne Warwick. At this point in the story I usually get one of two questions- the first- Really? Dionne Warwick??? The other- "Who's that?" Well for those of you prone to the second question, most of my contemporaries know her best for "I say a little prayer for you" which was made oh so popular in the movie My Best Friend's wedding, she's also Whitney Houston's Aunt and was the late night singing host for the Psychic Friend's Network. So she has quite the past.

Anyway, Ms. Warwick came to little ol' Anderson, South Carolina to sing at the Celebrate Anderson Bash and oh....my.......word. She is nuts.

I had never met a celebrity before, and even though she yelled at people...a lot, I have to be honest. I am fascinated with her now, because she's so crazy. She is truly a Diva in all sense of the word. I wish I had the time to write about all the funny things that happened, but number one, I've told most everyone I know already, and number two- there's alot, so unfortunately if you want the full effect, you will have to contact me because my friends, it is most certainly a treat.

Anyway, I do have time for one "Dionne Warwick is Crazy" story. So she comes out in some long flowy attire to sing her signature song "That's What Friends are For" and while she begins to sing, one of the fans down in the front row takes out his video camera. (quick interjection- Dionne Warwick Fans are a little loopy too) So she's singing and then she sees this guy and it is like Jekyll and Hide. It's funnier if you hear me say it, but we'll try our best to get by. It went something like this

Dionne- (singing and swaying to her own music)
Keep smilin', keep shinin'
Knowin' you can always count on me...for sure...That's what friends are for
For Good times *turnthatcameraoff right now
For Bad Times *Isaidshutitoff
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for

No joke. In the middle of this concert, in the middle of her song no less she quickly scolds this man for having a camera. It was HILARIOUS. I have so many stories now. It was a wonderful first celebrity encounter. I'm personally really glad it happened, just because it was so funny. You can't buy that sort of stuff just anywhere.

Don't quit your day job.

This has been one of those days. One of those days when I get pensive and then frustrated with the fact that I am not a songwriter or poet or painter or genius of any sort. This has been one of those days when I get the great urge inside of me to create something, but then feel overwhelmed with my limitations.

I feel the need to sit and just write and write words that are meaningful and full of depth and beauty, and then I realize that I'm not a writer.

I feel the need to sit down with a guitar, or at the piano, or with my cello and write a memorable sonata or melody that calms the soul, and then I realize that I don't play the guitar, I don't have a piano to play, nor am I musically proficient enough to compose.

I feel the need to grab my paintbrushes and materials and create a landscape or pastoral scene or moving abstract on a blank canvas, and then I realize that I'm not a painter.

I won't even touch on what sort of genius I'm not. I think that one's obvious.

Anyway, this mood strikes me every once in a while. The mood that I must somehow pour out some of this need to present myself in an artistic way, and then the realization that whatever I pour out will not be backed by the fundamental skills necessary to satisfy a standard of artistic expression. Is that my own criticism of myself coming through, or an inferiority complex of what society might deem artful expression? Now, whether or not society views something as artistic expression is moot. Artistic Expression, as far as I'm concerned anyway, needs only to meet the standards of the expresser, as it is something that is created by an individual for the benefit of the individual. So...why do I get frustrated with myself for not "being able" to express myself?

No, that's not a rhetorical question. I really don't know so I would appreciate any insight.

Well anyway, that was my feeble attempt at something that feels somewhat philosophical, but probably isn't in the slightest. I probably shouldn't quit my day job.

Anyway, on the fluffier side of life, school has been great! Except for that oh so lovable interior design professor, everything in my life has been smooth sailing. I love my housemates, and I haven't been struck with the panic of many a Senior trying to figure out what the "h" I will be doing with my life after graduation. If there is one thing that I have learned in my life that God really beat into me is the fact that the unknown is nothing to fear. I don't know what I will be doing a year from now. I have absolutely no idea where I'll be living, who I will be friends with, if I'll be making any sort of money (that's normally the scary one) or any of that stuff. But! The good news is that I don't have to worry about that, because I enjoy watching God unfold his will for me. I used to spend so much time worrying about the next day and the next week and month that I barely had time to stop and see the everyday workings of God in my life. Which is the best part. That's the part that I've come to love, the everyday.

Don't think I'm perfect. Not that you do, but that's me telling myself that. I stumble and worry and at the first sign of trouble (especially financial) I start shaking in my boots and try to figure out things for myself, which usually turns out poorly. But God is still working and that's the promise that allows me to breathe a little bit and rest in the comfort of His word.

So for me, the old "What are you going to do after you graduate?" -the most infamous and perhaps most dreaded question of college Seniors no longer holds the same weight as it once did. What am I doing? We'll see. Right now, I think I'm moving to Peru for a year after I graduate and then eventually getting back around to interior design in Denver. But I wouldn't go to the bank on that. =)

God's Blessings!
"Many are the Plans in a Man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails" Proverbs 19:21

What else do I need?

Back at School, back to the daily higher educational grind. It's been a great year so far, and I have every reason to believe that this year will be an amazing year the entire way through. I'll probably write more and if you're lucky, maybe even post a few pictures. We'll see.

So it's apparently been over a month. I haven't written in a long time and I don't really want to dwell on the past events too much, not because I'm trying to forget them, but because I know that if I start, the words will spill out and I could fill pages.

I do miss my grandpa. Alot. But I am constantly reminded of God's goodness to me. During the month following his death, I was in what was probably the darkest spiritual valley I had ever been in my life. I had nothing in me. I felt so weak that I couldn't even begin to try and fight the thoughts that encroached my mind. I was so low. For at least a solid two weeks, the only prayer I could pray was "God, I can't do this. Don't leave me." I hurt so much, but through it all I never ever felt forsaken. I had absolutely no strength of my own, and the only thing that kept me going (even though it was a very weak going) was the promise I have in Christ that I will never be alone. Not now, not ever. It's beyond my comprehension the love of Christ, but God has made it known to me that I am His Child, and that it all I will ever need.

The loss of a loved one is something that is different for everyone. I'm not sure I'd use the term "over it" to explain where I am now. To me, saying that I'm over something seems as if I'm saying, I have basically forgotten. I will always miss my grandpa, and I do feel that my heart does have a piece missing that will be restored in heaven. I look forward to the future longingly and am continuously reassured that I do have a hope that keeps me going through the rough times. I'm really not sure what else I need besides that hope. Thanks be to God for his neverending covenant.

The funeral sermon text was this:

Revelation 7:9-12-
After this, I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the hrong and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands.

And they cried out in a loud voice: "Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to
the Lamb!" All the angels were standing around the throne and around the elders and the four living creatures.

They fell down on their faces before the throne and worshiped God, saying: "Amen! Praise and Glory and Wisdom and thanks and honor and power and strength be to our God for ever and ever. Amen!"

...

what do I say?

Do I talk about how much my granpda meant to me and the rest of our family?

Do I talk about what an unexpected shock it was to lose him?

Do I talk about how just 9 days before, he was healthy?

Do I dwell on how much I miss him?

Do I pretend like I'm doing ok when everyone keeps wanting me to talk about it?

Do I act brave, even though my heart is broken?

I don't know what to say.

I know he's in heaven and so much happier.

I know that death is not our conquerer.

I know that Gilbert Cordova was given the crown of glory by Christ.

I know that he is waiting for the rest of our family to get there.

I know this. I know this all because he taught it to me and raised us with Christ as our Shepherd.

But, it still hurts right now. And I don't know what to do about that.

I love you Granpda

I miss him...

Grandpa's turn

10 bucks to guess which of my family members is in the hospital this week. Yep, good old Gilbert Cordova is now having his day in the sun, and by sun, I do mean the 3rd floor of St. Anthony's Central Hospital. At a whopping 7 doors away from where my grandma was a mere 2 weeks ago, my grandfather is thoroughly drugged right now after undergoing a surgery to take out the stones in his gallbladder. We always knew that about 70 years of him cooking his breakfasts in lard would catch up. Anyway, he's ok for now, he developed a clot where the surgery was, but the physicians found it and treated it, so I think he's just going to have to stay a few extra days to recuperate.

Que Sera Sera right?

It's always a trip when one of our family member's is in the hospital. No, literally, a trip. The rest of the Cordova clan will drive to the hospital and gather round in the room of whomever the patient is, while the nurses hate us for trying to fit so many people in, especially when there technically is a 2 person limit for visitors. Oh well. Today was kind of funny though. I wish I were a screen writer, I'm sure that there is a movie or TV show just waiting to be based on my family and all our shenanigans. Grandma's crazy with alzheimer's; grandpa can't hear anything and always causes a stir because of it. For instance, when the doctor's told my grandpa he had a clot from the surgery, for some reason or another, he thought they were telling him that he had cancer, so when my crazy grandma came in, the first thing grandpa tells her is that he has cancer. Which, he doesn't, and the rest of the family spent the next hour and a half trying to convince them both that grandpa did not, in fact, have cancer.

That was a treat. Another highlight of today was that nutrition services brought my grandpa dinner, which he didn't want because he wasn't hungry and still fairly ridden with drugs. Well, rather than just not eat it, he started to get mad that the food was going to go to waste, he grew up in the depression era and his family never wasted anything, and we were brought up the same way, though not quite as drastically. So since he definitely did not want the food to go to waste, he started asking for a to-go box...for his hospital food. Pretty much asked everyone in sight, including our whole family, the nurse, a cleaning lady, basically anyone who walked into the room and the blood tech, who, poor guy, all he wanted to do was draw some blood. Finally, dear old Uncle Randy, who had been eyeing that steak sandwich the whole time swooped in like a vulture. He said he just wanted to not let the food go to waste, but we all knew.

Uncle Alex then told the nurse about the food swiping, the nurse was fairly aggravated at that point and smoothly used the "incident" as a springboard to pretty much kick the family out by enforcing the 2 person limit. Sigh...people are so mean, and we weren't even being loud! Oh well, we'll just all go back tomorrow and hope there's a different nurse, so that the special blend of Cordova Chaos will once more reign on the third floor of St. Anthony's Central Hospital. I can hardly wait...

Design that office Cinderelly...

Just kidding. It's hard coming back to the job.

After a wonderfully long 4 day weekend (although now that it's over, it seems like it was too short) I am currently sitting once more at my expensive desk, typing on my expensive computer, and sitting on my really expensive chair. I upgraded now because my other chair was sold and I am now sitting on a $1507 chair. Oh what a burdensome life I lead.

So my grandma is a lot better. She's out of the hospital now and even though she's down a few notches because stress of it all, she is home. Sigh, however, continue to pray for my family because there's a lot of decisions that are going to have to be made in the not too distant future. But, we will cross those bridges once we get there and for now, we will revert to our family's traditional credo- Que sera, sera. That and family comes first.

It's amazing to me what I've learned from my family about dealing with tough situations. It's almost stoic the way that my family deals with stress and hard times, but at the same time, I like the method. So what if if our family is 18,000 dollars in the hole and three cars have to be replaced for some freak mechanical problems and all of a sudden, a relative needs a lot of money. Que sera sera. We'll take out a loan to help out family, because family comes first. Not only that, we'll get by and deal because we always do. There hasn't been anything that my family can't get through because of the principles that my family sticks to. Family first, and whatever happens to come our way, we'll deal. Que sera sera.

So that's what's going on in my life. Last night was the big Fourth of July Bash, nearly rained out by a torrential downpour in Denver, but cleared up in time for the big fireworks show at my Uncle's House. You can read last year's post about the Fourth of July. Nothing ever changes for as far as the traditional aspect goes. However this year, we managed to not almost get busted by the cops for shooting bottle rockets. Oh well, there's always next year...

The Lord my Pasture Shall Prepare...

so...this week has been, um, exciting? Yeah sure, let's go with that word.

This past Monday, My grandma Cordova, had a heart attack. No history of heart problems, no family history of heart conditions, just kind of out of the blue. That was scary. She had 2 blocked arteries, one was 98% blocked, the other 99%. The doctor's put in two stints and she was back home by Wednesday. It was a moderate heart attack with Mild damage done, so of course, that was a pretty big deal for the family.

This is the grandma that's been diagnosed with alzheimer's for 6 years, so she's really not in the best shape anyway. Like I said, it was kind of concerning. When the ambulance was called and the paramedics were there, Grandma was saying "I'm coming home Lord! God, I'm coming!" Later she told us that she was mad because God told her to come back, which looking back on it now, was somewhat humorous, especially if you know my crazy grandma, but still kind of caught the family by surprise.

So in the midst of all this the family has had a pretty busy week. Then today came.

My grandma the whole week has been talking about nothing but coming to church today, and the doctors wanted her to be fairly active again anyway, so even though she had just had the attack on Monday, she really wanted to come today. So this morning at the 8 o' clock service, my grandparents came in, and my grandma was a little pale, but the same as she's been.

Then, About 15 seconds into the sermon, she starts clutching her chest.

My mom tried to get her out to the narthex of the church, but she couldn't make it. I went out to call 911. I've never called 911 before.

The paramedics came and took her in the ambulance to the same hospital that she had just come out of Wednesday. Today was kind of intense. I suppose it made for a pretty eventful church service though. She's ok now I guess. Apparently the doctor's are saying that this wasn't necessarily a second heart attack, but more of an episode, whatever that means. God only knows what the future will be like for my grandma. Pray for my grandpa. It's hardest on him and even though he knows that she's eventually going to be in a better place, it still hurts him now to go through this, and he's really exhausted. Pray for peace that only God can give.

While my family (all 17 of us-and that's not even the whole family) were in the ER waiting room, I thought of 2 things:

First, Praise God for my family. Praise God that we don't have to go through this world alone and that there are people here to help us through.

Second, praise God that we only go through this world and that it is most certainly not our home. How amazingly encouraging is it to know that my grandma, as confused and crazy as she is doesn't have to fear her passing, but that she can look forward to it with joy and a longing to go home, to her real home, to be with her Shepherd. I don't know what other hope I would have in a situation like this if I didn't know the Truth. It would be devastating, and yet, since we do know, we can rejoice with her that she'll be in a much better place, where she won't have to suffer anything! What better reminder of God's promise is there? There's a hymn that I don't know the music to, but the lyrics are great:

"The Lord My Pasture Shall Prepare"by Joseph Addison

1. The Lord my pasture shall prepare
And feed me with a shepherd's care;
His presence shall my wants supply
And guard me with a watchful eye;
My noonday walks He shall attend
And all my midnight hours defend.

2. When in the sultry glebe I faint
Or on the thirsty mountain pant,
To fertile vales and dewy meads
My weary, wandering steps He leads,
Where peaceful rivers, soft and slow,
Amid the verdant landscape flow.

3. Though in the paths of death I tread,
With gloomy horrors overspread,
My steadfast heart shall fear no ill,
For Thou, O Lord, art with me still;
Thy friendly crook shall give me aid
And guide me through the dreadful shade.

Hey, um...I really don't mean to offend you, but...

Funny how a little sugar coating gives people the idea that they can say anything they want. In the South, the phrase "Well bless his/her/their heart(s)" is popular. However, do not be fooled. This is no ordinary invocation of a blessing upon someone's soul. No, no. What this actually is in fact, is a free ticket to say whatever you really feel about that person, while still making yourself look like a saint. "Well, bless his heart, it's a good thing that modern medicine will be able to cure that horrible facial structure" or "Bless her heart, if it weren't for her cheating on those standardized tests, she never would have made it out of first grade because she's so stupid bless her heart" or even "Hey, um I really don't mean to offend you, but did you know that your face looks like it was stepped on by a horse and then spit upon by a llama? But really, I don't mean to offend you." If you make a heart-blessed sandwich or say I don't mean to offend enough, you could insult Castro and still come out on top.

I bring this up because today, I had a meeting with a certain client that we will call "The richest, quite possibly most arrogant man I've ever met in real life" or how about Rich for short? Anyway, he starts off a sentence by saying "Hey, by the way, I really don't mean to offend you or anything, but..." and then proceeded to say something that to me was not particularly offensive, mostly because I'm not that easily offended, but was something that someone could have easily been upset by. No big deal, but it did make me think about how often people think that if they cushion what they really want to say with enough words, it will change the meaning. Note to Everyone: it really doesn't.

So that's the story for the day. The Moral? just keep it to yourself.

By the way....

Just in case you were thinking about going and running a quick mile and a half outside in Denver when it's 101 degrees farenheit outside...

DONT.

It's just not worth it. Trust me.

Te amo Peru...

Well I'm back to the real world now. It's always sooo hard coming back from Peru because I hate leaving there. Everytime I go there, I feel so at home and so at peace with everything that is going on there. I love the people. I love the culture. I love pretty much everything about Peru. However, a 10 day trip is just as short as it sounds, and my time in Peru this year has past. I met so many new people there this year, and I am longing to keep those friendships and strengthen the ties. I'm sad that I can't be there to continue the friendship in person. However, I did get some e-mail addresses and I know that God will work through some of the people I met and will continue to talk to. I can't wait to see them again.

But for now, I'm back to my life as a working girl.

This interior design world is almost a paradox for me. I love interior design, and I know that I could make a great career out of it and I know that God's plan was for me to go to Anderson for Interior design. But at the same time, I also know that God's plan for my college studies also directly led me into the opportunities that Peru holds for me. I can't ignore that. I love Peru so much and I feel called to Peru to work there; at least for awhile. So after graduation, I will have two months to attend Ruth's wedding and then Marcus' wedding and then I will leave for Peru to live there for awhile teaching at the English language institute. I'm not afraid at all about moving to Peru or what the outcome will be, mostly because I feel peace from God about it. We sing in songs all the time I will follow where you lead, and every part about that is true for me. I have absolutely no qualms about it.

Whatever support money needs to be raised will come. I'm not worried about student loans or probably anything that I should normally be worried about. There's a tiny question inside of me that says "Are you ever going to do interior design?" And my answer is, "I have no idea" Right now I can see two paths that might happen, 1) I move to Peru and love it and love my time there and then come back to the states to start working. 2) I move to Peru and love it and love my time there and God calls me into being a career missionary. I'm fine with either, as long as it's God's will for me.

I was telling some of my coworkers yesterday about my trip to Peru and I told them that I probably would move down there after Graduation to work at the english language institute. The responses were great, some people said "Oh that's awesome" or "Oh that's so great!" and then one of my coworkers Larry asked how long I would be there for, and when I told him 6-9 months, he said "That's great, you're probably never coming back you know" And when I asked what made him say that he said "Because you obviously love it and you're not going to want to leave!" And my first automatic reaction inside was "I hope I don't ever leave!" And I wasn't scared about that thought at all. I didn't even phase me to think that I could do that forever. So I guess that's all to say that my prayer in my life is that wherever I am, whatever I am doing, whether it is working as an interior designer and making money or working as a missionary or whatever it is, I pray that God will lead me one step at a time. I used to think that I had my whole life figured out that I would go to college and be a great designer right out of school work for 35 years and love every second of it, but now I have no idea what I'll be doing 2 years from now, and I am more than ok with that. God has led me so many amazing places thus far, and for me to try and give Him suggestions on what he should want me to do for my life would be insane, and even more than that, I would miss out so much. Who knows where God will take me? I definitely don't, but I don't have to worry about that. I am at peace no matter where I go because I have God leading me. Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit!

Just another manic Monday...

I can't get over how wealthy the people I work with are. They're great people, really nice and everybody's been really friendly so far so it's not like anyone's a snob or anything, but it catches me off guard when I realize the different economic classes of my coworkers. Granted, most of them have been in the business for a long time and have had a chance to establish their finances. Today when I came in two of my coworkers were talking about graduations. One of the guys had a son and daughter graduating and we were just talking for a second about that and then the other lady said "So they're both getting the Boxster for graduation?" And he goes "Oh yeah, they both are" then the lady said "Yeah, Gretchen asked for one too" and I wondered to myself, "Hm..what's a boxster?" I figured it was either a lunch combo meal from a deli or some sort of mp3 player or other various piece of electronic equipment that I was not aware of, so I decided to look it up on google. So I sit down on my fancy schmancy chair at my fancy schmancy desk and type in "boxster" at my fancy schmancy computer. Then the screen came up and I was awestruck at what was before me. A ''boxster" is not a small electronic device. No no friends, a "boxster" is a freakin Porsche. A p-o-r-s-c-h-e that's right, A car. but not just any car, a porsche that costs somewhere in the neighborhood of 45 to 55 THOUSAND dollars. I about had a heart attack at my fancy schmancy desk. I could not believe it. I then told my coworkers that they could give me a graduation gift if they wanted to.

But honestly! It blows my lower middle class mind. My family has never owned a car that costs over 20,000 dollars, and even then we drive them for 14 years or until they blow up, whichever comes first. Not that we've ever been in dire need or wanted for anything, but I just can't fathom that kind of money. What would you do with all of it? That is one thing that I've never really been comfortable with in my chosen career path. Yes, there is the opportunity to make exorbitant amounts of money while spending other people's insane amounts of money, but I've never really been ok with that much money. Which makes me wonder. although I do aspire to do my best, It's never really been a goal or desire of mine to climb the financial ladder. So, if my best ends up making me a six figure salary, then what? I could definitely take care of my family, but I don't want to lose touch with reality and I definitely don't want to live like I'm making a six figure salary. Is that crazy? I don't know, Money changes everything, even though you don't want it to. I guess what I'm saying is that even if I make enough money to end up buying two freaking porsches in the same year for the kids that I probably won't have, I hope I don't buy them.

Saturday Night Fever

It's Saturday night here in good old Denver. It's been pretty hot here lately, about 90 today, but it's cooled off a bit since this afternoon. I finished off my first week of my internship strong. I learned alot, got to know the people a bit better there and can't wait to finish out the summer. It's such a great place to work, I feel like I already have been there awhile because the people are so friendly and are more importantly really willing to teach me things while I'm there.

I get so eager to do everything, and when I get frustrated because I don't already know how to do something, or if it feels like I'm not working on something every second, I have to take a breath and remind myself that I've only worked there five days. I just really want to succeed at this job and exceed my expectations and especially the expectations of my employers. It's really nice being on my own with this too. As miserable as Ms. Martin can sometimes make my life, she's only a miniscule part of it, and even though she holds authority at Anderson, she most certainly does not hold any authority in my internship. It's good to be able to step outside that Anderson microscope and spread my wings a little bit and see how I can do on my own in the "real world" That sounds pretty egotistical, but it's kind of true. This is a brand new challenge in my life, and as with any challenge, it's sink or swim. I was a little bit nervous coming into it, just because I didn't know how I would perform outside of my comfort zone. But so far, I feel like I've embraced the challenge. It's kind of funny, whenever I have something new like this in my life where I am uncertain, I tell myself it's ok to be nervous, but you still have to work through it. Half the time, the uncertainty helps me to do better. It's like I have to overcompensate just to make sure all my bases are covered. But again, it's been great so far, and I'm really excited and anxious to see how far I can get with this job.

Well that's the news on the business front, which also happens to be the major front in my life, because it's certainly not the relationship front. I don't mind being single. When else am I going to get a chance to be completely self-centered? Just kidding. But really, I know that this is apparently what God wants for me right now. However, I bring this whole topic up because it's also apparent to me that every year in the spring/summertime, I always get the relationship question from people. 3 times in the past two days.
-The first time was a straightforward "Are you dating anybody yet?" Nope, not yet, I'll keep you posted (roll my eyes).

-The second time, Joan, a funny designer at work, asked me in a little bit different way: "So Gillian, are ya hot with anybody right now??" "hee hee, No Joan, pretty cold actually"

- The third time was a bit random as well, I had just met a somewhat elderly couple at my grandparents house. My grandma had just told them that I was going to Peru for a missions trip. Little Old lady: "Oh that's so Wonderful!" Little old man: "Are you going to bring home a boyfriend?" Me: "Um, well, hopefully I'll be focusing more on the mission work than boys..."

So I don't mind the questions so much, especially when they're funny like that, but I do wonder why it ends up being a big deal, well maybe not a big deal, but any sort of deal at all. Who knows? Anyway, it's all God's timing, so that's definitely one less thing that I have to worry about. Well, it's close to 11 and I need to go to bed and then enjoy the Sabbath tomorrow. One week until Peru! Please continue to pray for the trip as well as for the rest of my support money to come in! Good Night!

She Works Hard for the Money!

Well it is now 5:03 pm and I have successfully completed my first day as a working professional interior design...intern. However, I really feel like a professional now. Here's what has led me to this business like change:

- I have my own desk. My very own desk. And it's big too! I can put stuff on it like pictures and plants (of which there are already two that were left on my desk) and have my very own pens and rubber bands and binder clips which I hold in my very own drawers.

- I will have my very own computer. Good thing I have my very own desk to put it on

- I have my very own professional citron workspaces e-mail account. Good thing I can check my e-mail on my very own computer.

- I can put my lunch in the company refrigerator, and then get it out at the appropriate lunch time and eat it...at my desk, or outside if I so choose.

Well those are the things that have made me happy today. This is going to be pretty much an amazing internship. I love the company, I love the people here, I love my desk and I think the only thing that is keeping me down on the student level is the thought that I have one more year of school left and the fact that I don't have my very own business cards....soon though, very soon. Well, my first day is done, the company already took me out to lunch, tomorrow I'm going to the staff meeting because I'm part of the staff. Then at 11:30 I will be going on a business luncheon at the Chophouse. And I'm not paying!!! For those of you who don't know, the ChopHouse is a super ritzy restaurant that poor people like me should not think about going inside, but now I can, because I have my very own fake professional pass. Wheee! Soo, that's about it for now, I'm going to go home after a long day at the office..oh man, I tell you what, if that copier gives me any more trouble....whew. Just kidding. I really do like my job though. I'll keep you guys posted!

On the Road Again...and again, and again....

Good Lord, does the road ever end? Hm, about 17 hours down the road hopefully. Oy! I hate this drive, but hey, it's my annual on the road blogpost! Woohoo! I'm actually posting right now from the same Holiday Inn Express in Paducah Kentucky that I posted at some other time that I was on my way home. However, as my good friend Philip reminded me, I am on the road for a purpose and will be seeing the mountains within the next 36 hours or so, barring any unforeseen disasters, or foreseen disasters for that matter. So far, I almost was run off the road by a semi....twice, I've seen lots of roadkill (gross) but the prize for the most disgusting is actually a toss-up between the dead goat (random) and the decapitated (literally) deer. Probably my least favorite part of roadtrips is the actually roadtrip. Oh well. What can you do? I don't have any funny stories to post yet, but I've only made it to Kentucky. As much as I hate Kansas and Missouri, there usually a few good stories from there. We'll see.

Well, there's not really anything worth posting tonight. In the 7 or 8 hours that I've driven so far, I've had alot of time to think. that and listen to Adventures in Odyssey thanks to friend Philip once more who loaned me the 4 disc set. I'm not sure if anyone's ever found a hole in the Spacetime continuum, but I feel like this cd set has been my ticket back into my childhood, and my own personal spacetime portal. Sooooooo many memories. Sigh, good times. Well anyway, I think I'm gonna hit the Holiday Inn Express hay and not think about how much driving tomorrow through Kansas is gonna suck. For the sake of my sanity, if you read this, call my cellphone and keep me awake tomorrow and Tuesday.

I'm sitting here in my somewhat empty suite in the Village dorm surveying what lies ahead of me. I'm finished with my Junior year (though I technically have been a Senior since December) and finished off with only one B. Guess who's class! Martin....
Oh well, we all knew it would happen. Anyway, so that makes my GPA this semester a 3.8 and my cumulative a 3.57 I've been trying for the last three years to counter Ms. Martin's Bs, but alas, she has pretty much stomped on my gpa and is holding it down as best she can with her pointy toed shoes.

So since I'm done with my schooling, this week has been just me trying to pack up my room slowly, because I despise moving. But it also has been filled with fun stuff too. Birthday parties, Corbett McGees, and tomorrow night, my friend Jeff Prater on guitar, me on the cello, and Chris Bradley on the Acordion will be gracing the Coffee Underground Open Mic Night stage with some of Jeff's original works, as well as a medley of old timey hymns. I am so excited! It'll be fun, if you can make it, then make it, because who doesn't want to hear an acordion? I just don't know.

I got out of my funk probably a day after I posted that last comment. I don't mean to leave up the not so happy posts so long, and I'm not depressed or anything, but I just forget to change them and then it makes me look sad all the time. Oh well, Hopefully this post has been happy enough to leave up for awhile.

I'm going back home on Sunday. All alone....all 25 hours....alllllll by myseeelf, don't wanna be, allll by myseeeeeelf anymore. Sigh. I hate that drive. Oh well, at least it gets me home. Much love people.

Pure Funk, Disc 1

So outside the window at work where I am sitting, dutifully making calls to inquiring minds, I am watching a woodpecker. Woodpeckers are pretty neat birds I think, although if I were a bird I would be a cardinal. I would be a really vain cardinal though, because the whole time I would probably just fly near glass so that I could admire how good I look. I wasn't really going anywhere with that, but I just had that thought.

Anyway, so I am most certainly ready for this school year to be over so that I can just get out of here. It's that time of year when I just get stretched too thin. I wrote about the same stuff last year. It's not that I don't/can't say no, but it's the fact that people just start demanding and expecting and then I don't get a chance to say no. But oh well, what is life if not frustrating once in a while.

And frustrating it is right now. I'm in a funk. And not the "Workin at the Car Wash" fun kind of funk. The bad kind. I am now on a 3 day streak of bad day-ness. Nothing majorly bad has happened to have made me had a 3 day long bad day, but it's that type of day when all the little things go wrong and just start piling up. Of course, maybe it's just my attitude about it. Maybe, everyday just as many little things go wrong, but for whatever reason, I have been especially sensitive to the little things the last 3 days. Well whatever the reason, I'll be glad when it's over. Sigh. I would type more, but I'm in funk. I'm just kidding, but only partially.


Well, I can't think right now of anything that I really want to get into too much. But I will say this. I am now officially addicted to the T.V. show "Lost" It's completely Diana's and Hope's fault but now I'm addicted. So if anyone wants to buy the first and/or second season DVD for me, I most definitely would not be opposed to that.

Here comes the SUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alright now. The last two weeks have been CRAZY. Crazy busy, crazy dramatic, crazy everything that makes me tired and want to do nothing but veg out while watching the National Geographic Channel. It's a good thing that this Friday I have the whole day off for Good Friday.. Oy, there's just been so many extra things the past two weeks. Concerts, String Ensemble concerts, playing for recitals, going to this that and the other thing, and, oh yeah, that little thing called College. Phew. I'm beat! But hey, it's April, and we all know that April is the latin work for "Active."

Alright, so I'm full of baloney, or bologna for you stout traditionalists, either way, all I know is that April to me has always meant lots of running around and not a lot of down time. But hey summer will be starting soon and I am thankful for it. This summer will be fairly exciting for me as I may now be considered a professional intern (is that an oxymoron?) I say professional because I will be receiving the fantastic salary of minimum wage, which when you consider that I have to work 200 hours for my internship, I potentiall will make 1000 dollars. 950 of which will probably end up going to the whichever Gas station I end up frequenting. But hey, it's a job. I am going to be working at Citron Workspaces under the direction of Kathey Pear and Kim Tyrrell. What's that? Why yes you can look up their website at www.citronworkspaces.com What's that? Why yes I am excited for this new chapter in my life. What's that? I don't know why I'm acting like I'm face to face talking to you with a serious hearing problem.

Anyway, So that's pretty much been the biggest news of my life so far, oh yeah and I'll be living in a real house next year that the school owns. Wheeee!!! I'm really excited, because I'm going to be able to have a basement studio to practice in and a yard that I can plant flowers in, and some awesome housemates, and some super awesome neighbors, and somewhere around 2000 sq feet to practice my residential design in. Yay! I'll post pictures as soon as I can get them.

Well that's about it I think. I think I began this blogpost with every intention of writing something meaningful or profound or just generally worth your time, but I'm pretty tired right now, and I can't remember why I thought I had something worthwhile to say. Oh well, Maybe next time...

It's like a one-woman show of hectic-ness!

Well, it's about time to update this thing seeing as how now it's April and I'm no longer so very close to death. Last week was a rough week, but I'm better now and currently about to face a very very busy next seven days head on- busy, but at the same time, exciting. Oh Life, you never quit, do you?

So here it is Thursday night, and I will run through my schedule now, not necessarily for anyone's reading enjoyment, but mostly for my sake of figuring out exactly what I need to do.

Tomorrow is almost here!!! Why is that so exciting you may ask? What's so special about April 7th? Well, tomorrow night marks the culmination of something that I have been working towards for the last year of my life. Tomorrow Night at 8 pm in the Henderson Auditorium, I, accompanied graciously by the Anderson Symphony Orchestra, will make my debut as a Young Artist and one of four winners of the Concerto/Aria contest. I will be playing Haydn's Cello concerto in C major. Now, I feel I must take some time to share my feelings about this. First of all, I'm thrilled. It's amazing to say the least to see your work come through. Second, I'm a little worried because I feel like I'm bragging...and I hate that. I'm my toughest critic and I would rather anything else than to act like a snotty musician because I know exactly what my capabilities are and exactly how not close enough they are for me to act like that. I find it hard for me to tell people about the concert without feeling pompous, but at the same time, I want my friends to share this with me, because I feel like this is a milestone in my life. I am accomplishing exactly what I have set out to do. I have been practicing alot and working hard and it's satisfying. It's kind of a tension between feeling satisfied with my work and taking credit. I know what my level of playing is I don't want to give people an impression that I'm any better than I am. that's just the little wrestling match going on inside me right now. Anyway so that's what's going on tomorrow night. (don't let me fool you, I really am happy)

SATURDAY!!!!!!! the day of rest and recouperation. HA no. I have to work open house, ALLLL day and then go see my old friend Collin Derrick's concert saturday night. Psh... who needs time to do homework?

SSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUUUUUNDAY. The Lord's Day. I will first be observing the Sabbath by going to church and then after I get fed, I will be using that newly acquired energy to make it through the rest of my week. Sunday Afternoon, Anderson University has decided that the change from College to University is call for a giganto celebration complete with ice cream and stuff and hub-bub and a free concert by the Anderson Symphony Orchestra...oh wait, that's me too, huh? Yep. So there goes Sunday afternoon. Then I get to go to a Peru meeting Sunday night. I am excited for that, but at the same time, I am starting to really wonder when I will have time to finish all my work. Hm, good question.

Monday....the day of mon. Actually I don't even think I'm going to go through the rest of the days, but it will be a blur of tests, quizzes, musical performances, concerts, papers, projects being due, and maybe some sleep thrown in here and there. Other duties as assigned.

well I think that's about it. The next seven days start out exciting and then will probably end with some stress. Oh well...Lord give me strength to accomplish what you will have me to do! Bye Everyone!!!!

102 degrees...

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh

uuuuu......uuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggh.....
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhh

I think I have the flu, or people are also telling me that I possibly have a sinus infection. Either way, my head is about to implode and everytime I cough my head feels like a bass drum during a high school marching band competition. Everything I do now takes twice as long to do. Things like walking, typing this blog, talking, thinking, laughing, and just generally everything else. I can't remember the last time I felt this bad. I feel like I'm too tired to even try and fight it, which normally I just pretend like I'm not sick and keep going until the sick decides to leave. This one has me beat. Beat like....something that is typically beaten..badly. So that's my life right now. Congested, coughing, feverish, achy, and just all around bad.
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh

Ms. Baikie, Ms. Gillian Baikie, please see the attendant to claim your free granola bar

Well, somehow or another, I've managed to once again pick the returning spring break flight that ends up being super delayed. It's becoming something of a spring break tradition for me I think (See last year's post about this same time). Well This time it is a little different though I have to admit. I'm stuck in Denver, which frankly, is much more appealing to me than being stuck in the Cleveland, Ohio airport. I do like airports. I love watching the people and talking with different people, like the security guard who told me that I had a nice smile and that it was almost as big as his, which was a bright start to my morning.

Contintental Airlines had some equipment malfunction so the inbound flight which was to later turn into my outbound flight never quite made it. So rather than leaving from Denver at 9:40, I now get to leave at 11:50. Wheee!!! Again, it's not that bad because I was going to have a 2 and half hour layover anyway in Cleveland, so basically I'm just spending that layover time here in Denver. Plus, since it was technically the airline's fault that we're stuck here, they brought out a special "We're Sorry!" Snack cart, because apparently there is no layover long enough that can't be made up with Doritos, Chewy Granola Bars, Milano Cookies and Dr. Pepper. I defintiely swiped multiples. Hey, I'm just trying to let them make their amends...with snacks. And they gave me a coupon to get either Free movie headsets, a coupon at the duty free shop, or a free alcoholic beverage on the flight. Too bad my 21st birthday is still 5 weeks away. Not really, Who doesn't want duty free items!?!

Well that's my airport spring break update. hopefully this trip will not end up being a repeat of last year's disaster. Yikes!

Someone hire me.

well here I sit, once more in my favorite coffee shop in Denver staring out the window at the hustle and bustle of Regis University which happens to be right across the street. Clearly Regis students are not on spring break.

My trip home has been great. Very relaxing. When I got home friday, my family and my aunt and cousin went out to get some good Mexican food and then my parents and I went to the Boulder Theater (obviously in Boulder) to go see Chick Corea. He's a jazz musician that's had something like a forty year career and he is absolutely amazing. He's been doing alot lately with latin/flamenco music, and this concert was nothing but that. They even had a professional flamenco dancer come out for some of the songs. It was pretty much beyond words. I'll just leave it at the fact that it was the best concert that I had ever been to (jazz or otherwise).

Then on Saturday, we went over to see my grandparents which is always a treat and then went shopping for an outfit for me to perform in. Perform open heart surgery I mean. Just kidding, we actually ended up just getting an outfit for me to wear for the Concerto Concert which by the way is coming up quickly. yowzas! I'm excited! Then after that we ended up going to see the Ballet. They performed Prokofiev's Cinderella and it was gorgeous. The denver center just built a new opera house which is also where the ballet performs and it's amazing in there. All of the seat backs have these little computer screens that give the synopsis of what is going on during the ballet and should you be seeing an opera, it would give the translation. Neato!

Oh my goodness also when we were out shopping, I ran into an old friend from high school that I hadn't seen for a really long time. And she apparently is getting married at the end of next month. It was kind of weird, I have a hard time getting super girly excited about things like that. For whatever reason, the first thought that pops into my head is "why?" Which makes me sound like I have no heart at all. Maybe I just feel like I'm so young and don't have any prospect for that sort of thing that it's hard for me to understand. I never really pictured marriage being a huge deal in my life. Honestly it's easier for me to picture myself as a 30 something that's still single than it is for me to picture myself married. I know that's pretty weird, but eh, someone's gotta be the crazy old single lady down the street that the neighborhood kids talk about right?

Well anyway, so that was pretty much my weekend. Today I made up my resume and have been doing some internship hunting. I have an interview tomorrow so pray for that. I'm excited to see where God takes me with this internship. On another note, I wrote out my support letters for Peru, which I will address and stamp tonight and we'll see from there. Oh yeah, I also randomly printed out an application for mission work with the Lutheran church. Basically, I'm going to send it in and if something comes up, then it will come up. I put on there that I am interested in Latin America and available in June of 2007. There are some churches in Venezuela. I've always wanted to go visit there. Who knows what will happen.

I surely don't know. I'm just interested to see how things turn out.

Thank you Mario, but our princess is in another castle!

what is it about getting away? the simple act of just removing yourself from a location obviously won't solve a problem, unless the problem lies within the location. For instance, should you happen to be standing knee deep in a tank full of leeches, then removing yourself from that location will probably help alot. But other than that, really. We try so hard to deal with the struggles of everyday life, to deal with work, school, family, friends, and everything else in between and then eventually, as if we didn't know it before, we find that we can't. We just go until we get to that place where you just "have to get away."
I think I've reached it. I'm ready for Spring Break, I'm ready to go home and not worry about my Anderson life. Sometimes I feel like I kind of live in two different worlds. When I'm home, I'm home and my Colorado life is my Colorado life and every pressure or struggle or whatever from my South Carolina life can't touch me. I of course realize that I have to keep up with the South Carolina world because those pressures will still be there when I get back, but it's like I'm Mario, when he gets the star for a little bit. You can just fly through the level. Who cares about the goombas or the Koopa Troopas, they can't touch you when you're invincibile.
So that's basically what my plane ticket home is. My temporary invincibility. As whatever as it is to move 1500 miles away to go to college, sometimes it's really nice to know that my South Carolina world is far enough away that I can escape it when I need to, but also to know that it and the people in that world will still be there for me when I need it and them to be.

so that's my first thought of the day, just the whole "I'm ready to go" thought, and I suppose my next thought somewhat stems from that. So...I'm getting older and I, naturally, have grown as a person. I was reflecting today now that I am a senior junior (I technically have the credit hours for a senior, but I will graduate still in a year) and it's really interesting to me to see how my outlook on alot of things has changed. I've always kind of been the uptight one when it comes to schoolwork and my future and though I believe that that side of me has served me well. I'm not sure I would have tried so hard in different things if I wasn't that uptight about grades. Well, I feel like I've loosened up alot as far as my future plans go. Before, I would absolutely freak out about not knowing where I was going to end up in life, or if I didn't know every last iota of information about what was going to happen. But now, I don't know...it's just different. I'm not concerned so much about knowing exactly where I will be and what I will be doing in 2 years and all that stuff. I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen. I might end up doing interior design, I might find something else to do and never look back. mission work has been on my heart alot. Maybe not as a lifetime thing, but definitely for a few months or years or decades...who knows. Sometimes I try to think about what I would do differently if I could start all over with the college search and major/minor decision and everything, but everytime I come up with the same conclusion- I don't think I would change anything. Maybe I won't end up in Interior design, but that doesn't make my experiences these past 3 years pointless. I guess I just don't see the benefit in starting over, when I can just build on to what I already have. I think I picture it kind of like a house. My house so far has been great, exactly what I've needed, but maybe (in the not too distant future) I'm going to need something different or bigger or...whatever, so why should I move to a new house that won't contain the same features of my old house that I might still end up using later? Just add on! Besides...that saves the trouble of getting a realtor anyway. So that's my second thought of the day. Basically, I'm ok with not knowing, and I actually somewhat enjoy the not knowing (much to my former self's surprise). Who knows?

Thank you for calling Anderson University....

So I'm at work right now (the great debate about whether or not I am really a vital part to the admissions team still continues. I do have a nametag however- though it is the color of mocos- that makes me look like I belong) ((Just kidding, I'm giving a tour today so I'm just waiting for that, I hope they don't fire me for my ill-placed jokes)).

Anyway, So today I've done some things. First, I woke up, then I went to class and got an 87 on my test (yay!), then I skipped class, then practiced, and then I about had a heart attack when there was a mysterious grease spot on my bow hair that made it virtually impossible to play, then I calmed down a little bit when I realized my other bow would work just fine, then I waited.....then I got nervous.....then I calmed down, then I sat down and played my piece. Then I left the room. Then I got lunch and was all jittery. Then I went back to rainey. Then I saw my name on a piece of paper. Then I saw the word "congratulations" next to my name. Then I got really happy. then I called my mom. Then I went to class and learned more about Dizzy Gillespie. Salt Peanuts. Saltpeanuts.

That's pretty much been my day so far. I think it's been a pretty good one.

Today it was pretty outside.

Definitely not working right now....

Well.... I'm not exactly sure what to write right now. Things are changing in my life, and though it's hard to swallow, It most definitely is for the best. *Sigh* Darn you things that are good for me.

Anyway, I'm not depressed right now or anything. I'm most definitely taking comfort and rest in the promises of God. Sometimes friends can be really good comforting friends without even knowing it. An unnamed friend put up a scripture reference as an away message, and it's just a good passage all around. It's Psalm 73:21-28

21When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart, 22I was brutish and ignorant; I was like a beast toward you.

23Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. 24You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. 25Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. 26My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength[b] of my heart and my portion forever.

27For behold, those who are far from you shall perish; you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you. 28But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord GOD my refuge, that I may tell of all your works.

Jesus, I am resting, resting
In the joy of what Thou art;
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart.

No point today.

I miss writing regularly on this thing. The question now is, will my missing it spark enough motiviation in me to do something about it or if this will become something that I miss, but it was nice while it lasted. Probably a mixture of the two is my guess. I was thinking about it the other night after the Lighting of the Greens at Josh Hardy's house when I stopped at Jittery Joe's for a nice Chai. It was good, It had been awhile since I had taken myself out and I almost forgot how much I enjoyed it. The only problem I had with the evening was that there were people sitting at this one table and I was severely blocked from reading my favorite book at Jittery Joe's. It's an old harback copy of the complete works of Rudyard Kipling who is very quickly becoming one of my favorite authors. I love the way he writes and it makes me wish that he were my story-telling grandpa (in addition to my grandpa already whom I love very much). Anyway, I was unfortunate to have to read a biographical essay about Goethe by Emerson, which I suppose there are worse fates, but It was a little bit heavy for me when I was already kind of tired. Anyway, so while I was begrudgingly reading Emerson, I thought, man I really wish that I had some paper and a pen, because I was just in the mood to write. But, alas, I couldn't so I was forced to learn about Goethe. But now I don't have to worry about being without my Kipling, because my good friend Rob got me a present last night. It was kind of out of the blue, even though he called it a belated christmas present, but he bought me two Rudyard Kipling books and It was very very nice. So I've been enjoying my two books, Captain's Courageous and Just So Stories. And now that I stop to think for a little bit, I'm not really sure where I was going with this post. I think maybe it was more just to write a little bit, so I'll will also add that my friend Chris Bradley just got an old accordian and it's pretty much one of the most awesome things I've seen ever.